This time Sideboob was all drunk like, “I should text my husband!” and for once I got to slap the phone out of her hand and be all, “Yeah no. Texting your husband at 2AM from Jumbo’s would be a dick move” Yay me!
It is a fact that titties have less calories than deviled eggs.
At then end of the day when I’m hot and sticky and desperately in need of a cold shower, it feels like summer can’t be over soon enough.
I told the boys to prepare themselves for luxury. There will be blankets, pillows, free drinks, movies, and lots of food that doesn’t come from my backpack.
Happy birthday Sideboob. Even though it’s your birthday, I feel like I’m the one who has gotten the biggest present.
I just woke up from a barrage of tortured dreams that included: Trying to take dictation when I was only capable of remembering the last three words while typing onto an invisible keyboard Finding a teenage girl I was responsible for who kept moving higher and higher in a building with only stairs Talking her […]
If you were wondering if my two-week absence was due to alcohol poisoning or being in a 30-day rehab, you would be wrong.
Reader Warning: This is a bullshit, unedited, low-effort post. I’m experiencing a creative disconnect. I woke up this morning feeling very emo but now – after enjoying the restorative powers of good food, yoga, a hot shower and not being sticky and itchy at all times – my mood is improved. But I was into […]
The best part of the tour was when he took a call on his mobile and Millie said, “What is on your screen? Is that a vagina?”
I had to scrap the first version because I wrote it just after coming back from dinner with Nina and upon sleeping on it, I opted to put up a more … um … sober version. Enjoy.