I’m not saying that he is normally a nice dog because that would be going too far. He’s an okay dog, but put him in a comfortable crotch and he turns into a monster.
And then do you know know what he said? I AM ONLY HALF WAY THERE! WOOT!!!
Yesterday I was riding high. I was beyond excited about my post-op appointment and how good I looked and felt given that it had been less than a week after I got lipo.
Heather’s mantra was to show no expression no matter what. On our way over we did a reality check and went over all the ways in which I could be disappointed.
I was all super porny like, “Uhn. Baby, I love it when you talk that way.”
She started screaming, “OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? THAT GUY COULD HAVE BEEN MY HUSBAND AND NOW HE THINKS I’M A CRAZY STALKER LADY!!”
I just woke up from a barrage of tortured dreams that included: Trying to take dictation when I was only capable of remembering the last three words while typing onto an invisible keyboard Finding a teenage girl I was responsible for who kept moving higher and higher in a building with only stairs Talking her […]
Last night Itchy and I were talking about something and I said FTW and he was like, do you know what that means? Of course I do! It means For The Win, duh and he was like, no mom, it means that other word that starts with F … the World. FUCK THE WORLD? Oh shit. […]
We burned through a big stack of money a bunch of drinks while talking about shit I cannot for the life of me remember but I do remember not feeling jealous of Sideboob in France, for once.
Also because it would be tight in there, he wouldn’t be able to move much. And if he started squirming I could Kegel him into submission.