I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.
At then end of the day when I’m hot and sticky and desperately in need of a cold shower, it feels like summer can’t be over soon enough.
I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”
I have some misgivings about sharing this next part because it might just cross a line but that just means I absolutely must share it. Come what may.
I usually argue with Loony about the most trife shit but I back down immediately when it comes to directions. Let’s just say that he’s more likely to guess how to get around a city he’s completely unfamiliar with than me, even if I was born and raised there.
And then do you know know what he said? I AM ONLY HALF WAY THERE! WOOT!!!
Yesterday I was riding high. I was beyond excited about my post-op appointment and how good I looked and felt given that it had been less than a week after I got lipo.
I found these two memes on the internet. Together they reflect the highs and lows of motherhood, especially when you look at the context which is always, and forever, humor.
Heather’s mantra was to show no expression no matter what. On our way over we did a reality check and went over all the ways in which I could be disappointed.
AB and Mo wanted me to Facetime and I was like Bitches, please. Then they wanted to put me on speaker phone at the studio and I was like, will you please just leave me alone so I can watch my damn show?!