Cat Balls, Lint Balls and Heart Shaped Bums


I thought it would be really funny to name my dog Tardigrade and call him Tard for short and then when someone glared at me for being so insensitive and offensive I would be like, “It’s short for Tardigrade. What did you think it was short for?” and watch them twist.

Thanks for the Blowjob!


This morning I saw my neighbor getting into her car and I thanked her for the cup of coffee she left for me after I used my snowblower to clear her sidewalk. She replied (yelling from across the street), “And thank YOU for the blowjob.” Did I mention she’s retired pediatric nurse practitioner and educator […]

Yet Another Midlife Crisis


I realize that aside Asian characters are the most cliché thing for a non-Asian to get tattooed with (I am part Asian, but I’m not considering Vietnamese words because Haruki Murakami isn’t Vietnamese and Haruki Murakami written in English takes up too much space) birds are the next most cliché thing.

Coping Strategies of the White and Privileged


It’s not exactly rabbit like. The eyes are too close together, the ears are too far apart, the eyebrows too developed, but I like it. It’s a rabbit-cat-dog thing and while I worked on it I didn’t feel crushed by the events of the last 48 hours.

Blackout


It’s 1AM and I’m sitting in the dark, reeling. I’m distraught, angry, disbelieving, suspicious, disappointed … I am all things confused and frightened. I cannot be reasoned with. I feel deeply betrayed by America. I cannot imagine what it will look like with that monster in charge, with all branches of the government controlled by […]

Maybe the Best Blog Post Of All Time …


It had the makings of the best blog ever: me drunk, My Parasitic Twin, a home-grown surgical procedure, video, pain, humiliation, me arriving drunk at Wu’s door begging for free ER treatment … it had it all.

Hair Envy


My Beautiful Dream Lover spent the weekend with us because Nina and I wanted to climb a mountain before it gets too late and since he just can’t get enough of me dragging him out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning, he came up the night before.