Thank God I’m Not Camping

I will spare you the gruesome details but let’s just say it was fucking gross. When I pulled out my phone BEFORE THE PROCEDURE my vet said, “You aren’t going to video this are you?!?”

When in LA

This time Sideboob was all drunk like, “I should text my husband!” and for once I got to slap the phone out of her hand and be all, “Yeah no. Texting your husband at 2AM from Jumbo’s would be a dick move” Yay me!

EDM, THC, and Sick Shade

Lately I’ve been more into doing things than writing about them. The breakneck pace I’ve been keeping since June has finally come to a halt and I can focus my energies inward rather than getting ready for the next big trip/event/guest. I am grateful for all my experiences and wouldn’t miss seeing my guests for […]

Tempt Asian

I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.

T*tty P*ssy F*ck

I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”

Empty Nest Syndrome

I have some misgivings about sharing this next part because it might just cross a line but that just means I absolutely must share it. Come what may.

I Have the Worst Sense of Direction

I usually argue with Loony about the most trife shit but I back down immediately when it comes to directions. Let’s just say that he’s more likely to guess how to get around a city he’s completely unfamiliar with than me, even if I was born and raised there.