To keep my gym membership or not? That is the question. The truth is that I don’t need the gym, I like the gym. Yes, I don’t get distracted from my workouts when I’m at the gym. I like forcing awkward naked hugs on people I run into in the locker room (HI HELENE!) It […]
Between Bates’s constant rumble of doom, Minx running around a knocking everything off the shelves and almost catching on fire, Scheissehund making up for lost time on my leg, and Chief whimpering in the kennel, I got almost no sleep.
Today I am going to get all the photos and videos up from this year’s Pole Theatre competition and surrounding reindeer games because once tomorrow comes, it’s gonna be a whole new scene. That’s right … Sideboob and I are driving out to Billings, WY to get Chief and I have a feeling that I […]
I’m just trying to work and he’s chattering away like he did a couple lines and drank a gallon of coffee.
By “talking me into it” I mean that she posted a picture of her campsite on Facebook with the caption that she was in a great place to see the eclipse and no, she’s not telling you where she is!
I won’t let marital vows stand in the way of my destiny which is to surround myself with fluffy cuteness.
I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.
I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”
Just when I was feeling like an inferior parent because she was actually paying attention to the crap they were talking about, she offered $1 to anyone willing to eat a jalapeño.
I like the names Oliver and Chief but I had cats with those names so that’s not cool. I love Smooch but I dated a guy who had a dog named Smoot, is that okay? It might have to be. I like Beasley but the short version is Bee and my neighbor has a dog named Bee. Rhubarb is cute but Barbie is a girl’s name. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!