I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.
I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”
Just when I was feeling like an inferior parent because she was actually paying attention to the crap they were talking about, she offered $1 to anyone willing to eat a jalapeño.
I like the names Oliver and Chief but I had cats with those names so that’s not cool. I love Smooch but I dated a guy who had a dog named Smoot, is that okay? It might have to be. I like Beasley but the short version is Bee and my neighbor has a dog named Bee. Rhubarb is cute but Barbie is a girl’s name. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!
I lived with my secret until I found a good time to (have a huge fight) break the news to Loony. I did it over coffee this morning.
I have some misgivings about sharing this next part because it might just cross a line but that just means I absolutely must share it. Come what may.
Day three of being home and I’m still passing out at 7:00 and wide awake by 3:30am. I guess watching chicken documentaries in my living room isn’t the best way to stay awake.
I told the boys to prepare themselves for luxury. There will be blankets, pillows, free drinks, movies, and lots of food that doesn’t come from my backpack.
I mean, OF COURSE I have a half naked dog with a mysterious skin condition. It seems like being high maintenance and weird is a requiremnt of being close to me.
I’m ready to let go of the sadness and embrace the beauty that was Blue’s life.