Tempt Asian

I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.

T*tty P*ssy F*ck

I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”

Costco Run

Just when I was feeling like an inferior parent because she was actually paying attention to the crap they were talking about, she offered $1 to anyone willing to eat a jalapeño.

Picking Puppy Names

I like the names Oliver and Chief but I had cats with those names so that’s not cool. I love Smooch but I dated a guy who had a dog named Smoot, is that okay? It might have to be. I like Beasley but the short version is Bee and my neighbor has a dog named Bee. Rhubarb is cute but Barbie is a girl’s name. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!

Big News!

I lived with my secret until I found a good time to (have a huge fight) break the news to Loony. I did it over coffee this morning. 

Empty Nest Syndrome

I have some misgivings about sharing this next part because it might just cross a line but that just means I absolutely must share it. Come what may.

Mediterranean Cruise

I told the boys to prepare themselves for luxury. There will be blankets, pillows, free drinks, movies, and lots of food that doesn’t come from my backpack. 

First Week of Summer: Bolder Boulder, Baby Goats, Not Dead Animals, Foxes, Hiking, and Bald Chiweenies

I mean, OF COURSE I have a half naked dog with a mysterious skin condition. It seems like being high maintenance and weird is a requiremnt of being close to me.