Sploot On Command

Chief is off to boarding school for a week. It might seem a little early for such a drastic measure but I’m going out of town this weekend and he’s not potty trained enough (i.e. at all) to leave him with a house sitter. I found I trainer I think I like who does board […]

Because Being a Dick is Fun

To keep my gym membership or not? That is the question. The truth is that I don’t need the gym, I like the gym. Yes, I don’t get distracted from my workouts when I’m at the gym. I like forcing awkward naked hugs on people I run into in the locker room (HI HELENE!) It […]

Chief Is In The House!

Between Bates’s constant rumble of doom, Minx running around a knocking everything off the shelves and almost catching on fire, Scheissehund making up for lost time on my leg, and Chief whimpering in the kennel, I got almost no sleep.

Pole Theatre USA 2017 #togetherisbetter

Today I am going to get all the photos and videos up from this year’s Pole Theatre competition and surrounding reindeer games because once tomorrow comes, it’s gonna be a whole new scene. That’s right … Sideboob and I are driving out to Billings, WY to get Chief and I have a feeling that I […]

Sheet Cake

By “talking me into it” I mean that she posted a picture of her campsite on Facebook with the caption that she was in a great place to see the eclipse and no, she’s not telling you where she is! 

Tempt Asian

I told her to abandon her feminist ideals about accurately portraying the female form and make me skinnier with bigger tits.

T*tty P*ssy F*ck

I was like, “HA! BOOBS!” and my kid was like, “Huh? What? Where?” and I pointed out the sticker and he was like, “That’s a face,” and I was like, “Yep, definitely not hitting puberty yet.”

Costco Run

Just when I was feeling like an inferior parent because she was actually paying attention to the crap they were talking about, she offered $1 to anyone willing to eat a jalapeño.