Tactical Pooper


I hope one day he will become a writer. Not because I think being a writer makes you special or worthy, but because I really like what he has to say and the way he says it.

Incident at Trader Joe’s


Someone would come to the door and he’d let it swing open slowly and say, “Sure is dark on that porch. Ain’t you afraid of getting jumped?” Then when the person stuttered a reply, “Speak up boy! What the hell is wrong with you? Ain’t you never seen a black man before?”

Cat Balls, Lint Balls and Heart Shaped Bums


I thought it would be really funny to name my dog Tardigrade and call him Tard for short and then when someone glared at me for being so insensitive and offensive I would be like, “It’s short for Tardigrade. What did you think it was short for?” and watch them twist.

A Nuisance of Cats


I present to you Le Coop Du Jour. Like soup du jour but with a coop. That’s French for coop of the day because they use it during the day. And coop rhymes with soup. Get it?

That and $3.50 Will Get You A Cup Of Coffee


If you were wondering if my two-week absence was due to alcohol poisoning or being in a 30-day rehab, you would be wrong.