I’ve been doing it for so long that I don’t think much of it other than it is part of my morning and nightly ritual, like brushing my teeth.
I lived with my secret until I found a good time to (have a huge fight) break the news to Loony. I did it over coffee this morning.
I have some misgivings about sharing this next part because it might just cross a line but that just means I absolutely must share it. Come what may.
I told the boys to prepare themselves for luxury. There will be blankets, pillows, free drinks, movies, and lots of food that doesn’t come from my backpack.
I mean, OF COURSE I have a half naked dog with a mysterious skin condition. It seems like being high maintenance and weird is a requiremnt of being close to me.
I’m ready to let go of the sadness and embrace the beauty that was Blue’s life.
And then do you know know what he said? I AM ONLY HALF WAY THERE! WOOT!!!
I was all super porny like, “Uhn. Baby, I love it when you talk that way.”
She started screaming, “OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? THAT GUY COULD HAVE BEEN MY HUSBAND AND NOW HE THINKS I’M A CRAZY STALKER LADY!!”
Before I show this to you, I just want to put the disclaimer out there that this is the most perfect vagina ever. I’m sure whoever’s it is never had kids.