Cat Balls, Lint Balls and Heart Shaped Bums

I thought it would be really funny to name my dog Tardigrade and call him Tard for short and then when someone glared at me for being so insensitive and offensive I would be like, “It’s short for Tardigrade. What did you think it was short for?” and watch them twist.

The Motion of the Ocean

The fleeting and impermanent nature of this trip wasn’t lost on me. I tried to impress on my boys that they should stop and consider that one day these glaciers will be gone and they will be able to say they saw them in person, that they saw them calve into the bay, skipped stones at icebergs, and regarded the mineral blue of the glacial ice that is unlike any blue we’ve ever seen; that children might ask them what it was like.

Vagina Dentata

Bartleby just loves to snuggle up in there for the night. I’ve started doubling up on panties because I think he actually wants to climb up inside my vagina which is CLOSED FOR BUSINESS.

Stress Balls

“Not going to happen Mom,” said scratchy just 30 seconds before the fucking thing exploded all over the floor. The next one exploded at the park so I only had to get the glue and food coloring out of Itchy’s clothes and GOOD NEWS at least it was partly made of out laundry detergent.