Thank God I’m Not Camping

I will spare you the gruesome details but let’s just say it was fucking gross. When I pulled out my phone BEFORE THE PROCEDURE my vet said, “You aren’t going to video this are you?!?”

Because Being a Dick is Fun

To keep my gym membership or not? That is the question. The truth is that I don’t need the gym, I like the gym. Yes, I don’t get distracted from my workouts when I’m at the gym. I like forcing awkward naked hugs on people I run into in the locker room (HI HELENE!) It […]

Why Leave The House?

It’s so fucking cute up in here. When I first got Chief – what was it? coming on three weeks ago – I was in the weeds. The sleep/potty/other animals situation was completely out of control. It was a bed of my own making so I tried to not complain too much … … except […]

Chief Is In The House!

Between Bates’s constant rumble of doom, Minx running around a knocking everything off the shelves and almost catching on fire, Scheissehund making up for lost time on my leg, and Chief whimpering in the kennel, I got almost no sleep.

ESTROGEN POISONING or Manboobs

I’ve been doing it for so long that I don’t think much of it other than it is part of my morning and nightly ritual, like brushing my teeth.

Potty Talk

Most parents (or child-care involved people) will know about the potty talk phase. It’s when kids are obsessed with bodily functions. It usually subsides after about a year of telling them to knock it off but it has only gotten worse. Not my kids. Me. For a while I appeared to be obsessed with writing […]