Everyone Says I Need More Cock


… except Loony but who cares what he thinks. Yesterday my phone blew up with people texting me pictures and videos of this bad motherfucker. Yes, I went there with the penis reference. OF COURSE I WENT THERE! WHEN DO I NOT GO THERE? I’m not alone. and … I love how supportive my community […]

Worst Case of Feather Nose


I had the most remarkable conversation with Scratchy. I’ve never seen a kid as brave as him. He told me all the things he was scared of, all the fears, anxieties and worries that CENTER AROUND FEAR OF DISPLEASING ME. Oh god.

Yet Another Midlife Crisis


I realize that aside Asian characters are the most cliché thing for a non-Asian to get tattooed with (I am part Asian, but I’m not considering Vietnamese words because Haruki Murakami isn’t Vietnamese and Haruki Murakami written in English takes up too much space) birds are the next most cliché thing.

Do I or Don’t I?


I was pretty stoked about this because I just got on a friend’s private message line where they post icky unsolicited dick-pics (as if there is such a thing as a solicited dick-pic) for us to laugh at and I was feeling pretty lame that I didn’t have any of my own to share because I’m old.

Inner Queef Report


I don’t know how we got on the subject of queefing but we did and MPT told me that she can queef on command and I was like, YOU BETTER PROVE IT and she was all, NO WAY! so I was like, THEN I DON’T BELIEVE YOU and she was like, YES YOU DO, YOU JUST WANT TO SECRETLY VIDEO ME DOING IT FOR YOUR BLOG and I was like, YES, THAT IS TRUE BUT I DON’T HAVE MY PHONE WITH ME so she agreed to do it.

Hair Envy


My Beautiful Dream Lover spent the weekend with us because Nina and I wanted to climb a mountain before it gets too late and since he just can’t get enough of me dragging him out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning, he came up the night before.

Doing the Summer Thing


Nina said that a friend noticed that lately I haven’t been as quick to reply to emails and texts. She didn’t mean it in a negative way, more of a “I wonder what Viv’s up to,” way. Nina’s response was perfect. “Vivienne is really engaged in her kids this summer and not as available.” She […]

Teton Part Four: Inappropriate Reactions


Me: SEE! EVEN SHE THINKS YOU ARE ASKING IF I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY DAD!

MPT: I WAS NOT! I WAS ONLY SAYING YOUR DAD IS HOT AND MAYBE YOU DIDN’T LIKE HIM BRINGING GIRLFRIENDS BY!