Fear of Intimacy

I dreamt about a little house across the alley. It was pink stucco and dilapidated and I had fantasies about buying and renovating it. In the meantime a man bought and was working on it. I was walking by and I introduced myself to him, I tried to make conversation about the house, angling for […]

Love in the Time of Corona: Literally

So the other day I was hanging out on the couch with Chief and, as I like to do, I grabbed his paw and took a whiff. I happen to love the way his paws smell, like corn chips. I was feeling a little under the weather and thought that would cheer me up. Oddly […]

Anonymity Trap

This afternoon, whilst attempting to put dinner on the table, I was engaging in two of my favorite pastimes: text yelling at My Parasitic twin while also text yelling at her husband. It was some varsity level millennial shit. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? First MPT and I were text […]

Thank God I’m Not Camping

I will spare you the gruesome details but let’s just say it was fucking gross. When I pulled out my phone BEFORE THE PROCEDURE my vet said, “You aren’t going to video this are you?!?”