I’m not saying that he is normally a nice dog because that would be going too far. He’s an okay dog, but put him in a comfortable crotch and he turns into a monster.
I’m ready to let go of the sadness and embrace the beauty that was Blue’s life.
And then do you know know what he said? I AM ONLY HALF WAY THERE! WOOT!!!
Yesterday I was riding high. I was beyond excited about my post-op appointment and how good I looked and felt given that it had been less than a week after I got lipo.
AB and Mo wanted me to Facetime and I was like Bitches, please. Then they wanted to put me on speaker phone at the studio and I was like, will you please just leave me alone so I can watch my damn show?!
I was all super porny like, “Uhn. Baby, I love it when you talk that way.”
She started screaming, “OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? THAT GUY COULD HAVE BEEN MY HUSBAND AND NOW HE THINKS I’M A CRAZY STALKER LADY!!”
Before I show this to you, I just want to put the disclaimer out there that this is the most perfect vagina ever. I’m sure whoever’s it is never had kids.
I just woke up from a barrage of tortured dreams that included: Trying to take dictation when I was only capable of remembering the last three words while typing onto an invisible keyboard Finding a teenage girl I was responsible for who kept moving higher and higher in a building with only stairs Talking her […]
Last night Itchy and I were talking about something and I said FTW and he was like, do you know what that means? Of course I do! It means For The Win, duh and he was like, no mom, it means that other word that starts with F … the World. FUCK THE WORLD? Oh shit. […]