My Sweetheart’s Birthday

I miss entertaining. It was such a big part of both my marriages and with the dissolution of them, so went the parties. But I am rebuilding. My sweetheart’s birthday was this weekend and for the third time I have thrown him a party.

I’n not gonna lie, the first one was kind of a disaster. It went fine and all but I was struggling to make a place for myself amongst his friends. Even though we had been dating almost a year, Covid kept me from really knowing any of his friends, much less making any new ones of my own.

The second one went better, but still there was that anxiety on my part. I did a lot of disappearing into chores that night to avoid interacting with people. My sweetheart noticed and we had lots of talks about how to be more of a team at social events, and how to prioritize connecting with each other and our guests over making sure the dishes were done.

But this year felt completely different. I felt easy and at ease. My friends (Shawn, Rachel, and Claire) were there, as well as friends I met through my sweetheart (Jes, Jacob, Kristin, Garrett, Miles, and Davis), and friends we made together (Kip, Jules, Tirrel) and, of course, his sweet mom.

We felt like a team and I was in my element once again.

We are so excited for the remodel this winter, it will be here before we know it, and this is probably the last time we will have a party in the house as we know it. I, for one, can’t wait! I want a home with an open door, food in the kitchen, and people who know they are always welcome to come by and spend time with us.

I can go back to feeding the people I love and once again feeling like I have my feet rooted in a community.

My sweetheart’s hip has been very bad, it started bothering him about a year ago. He is going to have a full replacement done the day before Thanksgiving and then we are moving out for a few months while the work is being done in December and January.

It’s a big project but Jason is at the helm and there’s no one I trust more than him to get the job done. I’ve been slowly moving into the house, working through the rooms to make them feel comfortable and familiar. This remodel will cement me in place and banish the ghosts past relationships. Not that it’s a huge deal, but I love the idea of us recreating the space to reflect our coupling, one that we see ourselves inhabiting until we are ready to live somewhere else.

I know that this change will not only bring joy but also internal conflict between being at home and being in Boulder, my beloved town but no longer where my things are. As with all things, I’ll figure out how to manage the frisson until my circumstances shift again.

We spent the previous weekend with Andrew.

He moved out several months ago and now lives in Denver but he still comes up to see friends and spend time with us. Life is slowing down a bit with summer wrapping up and I’m happy to stay close to home for a minute.

Leave a Reply