Sayulita and an Announcement

My sweetheart and I took a trip to Sayulita for a little 5-day vacation. We went at this time because a childhood friend of his was going to be in a neighboring resort town and it was an opportunity for everyone to meet his new wife. We missed the wedding due to Covid and are always looking for an excuse to get away. It also is our two-year anniversary.

We love traveling together because we have similar habits when it comes to planning, what we like to do, and how we like to get prepare. He’s not into pre-travel chaos and neither am I. He takes control of the situation which is very relaxing for me.

Travel is about to get a lot smoother because I was able to get my Global Entry interview on the way back through Customs and Emigration and avoid the 10 month wait to get a stand-alone appointment. Next time we will breeze through TSA and customs together.

We flew into Puerto Vallarta and then caught an Uber to Sayulita, which is close as the crow flies but there is a 2-lane road through the jungle that slows the drive down considerably, so it took about an hour to get there.

My sweetheart found a really beautiful Airbnb overlooking the beach. It was on a small dirt road that picked up a short distance from the main plaza and wound up a hill dotted with villas.

We were told we could walk to town but the heat and the steep road would have been a bitch in the afternoon heat.

The thick tires and narrow wheelbase of our rented golf cart made it perfect for getting around and parking in town. My Sweetheart had such a blast tearing up and down the road in it.

The inside of Casa Rumi was absolutely beautiful, with a 15-foot domed ceiling in each room, beautiful light, and plenty of space. It was very luxurious.

We quickly changed out of our travel clothes and found a place on the beach to have a drink.

Casa Rumi was magical at night. We had some issues with late night construction next door for a couple nights but my sweetheart was able to negotiate a couple free nights to make up for it. Me, I hardly notice these things but the discount sure was nice. I’m just glad he was able to handle it and not me, I sympathize too much with the plight of the host to ever ask for anything.

I was warned that Sayulita has grown a lot in the last decade. The main plaza was busy with street vendors, performers, and competing music, but the back roads and off the center had a rural and peaceful feeling that I loved. I enjoyed the energy of town as well, but it was nice to have options.

Both of us love Mexican food and had some wonderful meals. Unlike Puerto Vallarta, we went for simpler fare at family style joints.

After a few days my nerves got jangled from the hubbub of the main plaza so we ventured to the north side (of the river) which was just over the bridge, a few minutes by golf cart and maybe a 15 minute walk. It was like a completely different city. No blasting music, 1/10th the number of people, no street performers or roaming vendors. I immediately fell in love with it and we have vowed to return and stay on that side before it becomes overrun.

We got into the habit of playing cards while sipping mezcal margaritas in the afternoon at The Garden, an outdoor restaurant that was shaded, not too crowded, and had ample fans to stave off the heat. In the end my sweetheart prevailed, but it is the never-ending rivalry that makes it so much fun. We had several people stop by to watch us play and comment.

You could have thrown a rock down off of our balcony and practically hit Casa Amor, a resort on the beach just down the hill from us. As it was we had to drive around the back way, but it was still just about 15 minutes from us and it had the most relaxing, shaded tables overlooking the beach. We returned several times for lunch and drinks.

I bought a dress for the trip and paired it with a bra that made me feel like Jayne Mansfield in that famous photo with Sophia Loren.

We went out Saturday night with the intention of finding somewhere to go dancing. There were plenty of options – rooftop, beach, patio – and we hopped around until we found the one that suited us best. We had such a blast drinking and dancing all night. We decided it was way more fun than going to a Halloween party in Colorado, we got to focus on each other and having a great time rather than throwing a party.

The Day of the Dead happened while we were visiting. Our host recommended we go to the Playa De Los Muertos to see the decorations and procession. It was truly beautiful.

I was on a mission to find jewelry on this trip. Lauren gave me one of my favorite beaded bracelets that she got in Sayulita years ago. I misplaced it (I refuse to believe I have lost it) and was on the hunt for another. While I didn’t find anything quite like it, I found so much beautiful jewelry. I even got my sweetheart into it.

Neither of us are water people but for the sake of being completionist we took a surfing lesson with Kevin, a surfer-by-day-coder-by-night who must have felt an affinity with us because he told his life story while bobbing in the surf while waiting on a new set to come our way. He got us up and riding waves and then recommended a fantastic hole-in-the-wall to get molé tacos.

Sean and Carmen, my sweetheart’s friend from Arkansas and his bride met us for lunch one day. It was somewhat of a comedy of errors when Sean realized he didn’t have his phone on him and was unable to say when he last saw it. A lot of futile chasing around ensued but at least we got to spend some time with them.

We spent our in-between time relaxing at the villa, napping, and listening to music and talking. Some of my favorite times were the rather expansive conversations we got into. We had nothing but time and space to talk about whatever we wanted, and these days there has been a lot to talk about …

… which leads me to my announcement. On the morning after we arrived we ambled down the plaza for café de olla when he dropped to one knee and proposed to me. I was absolutely stunned.

We have talked a lot about spending our lives together, creating a home for the two of us, and making plans for the future, but both of us have been married twice and are in no hurry to remarry, if at all. We know that the act of marrying doesn’t keep you together. It is the work you put in, the willingness to communicate and listen and empathize with each other, the curiosity about where the other person is coming from and taking the time to find a solution – that is what keeps people together. Getting married just makes it a pain-in-the-ass to break up. We know this.

–Ester Perel

But in the two years we’ve been together we have repeatedly shown each other our willingness to work things through and it has always led to greater intimacy, safety and love. We have taken micro risks and massive risks and the outcome is always the same, a deeper understanding and respect for each other; it’s why we even talked about a future together. That said, two years still isn’t very long to be together and we both want a long engagement with four years being the minimum in order to give my boys time to graduate from high school and start their adult lives, at which time I will feel free to spend less time in Boulder and dig into a truly merged life.

So this is a calm announcement. There will be no frenzy to plan a wedding. Getting engaged is a Grand Romantic Gesture, and I love a Grand Romantic Gesture. We will move forward in an unhurried way, giving ourselves time to wait for the right moment whether it is in four years or 20. It really doesn’t matter because we know we want to be together.

But my sweetheart wanted to declare to me and the world that he is here for me, I am not alone. I am now one of two. I am safe and cared for, as are my children. I can relax my vigilance and rest knowing that he is paying attention. He is a protector and a provider, two qualities that I have never had in a partner before. That energy sings to me.

I am with an amazing man that not only knows my weaknesses and quirks, he knows how to talk to me, how to relate to me, and to reach me when I am frozen with fear or panic. He knows how to love me and I know how to love him. There is no other man I find more attractive and I love the way he takes care of himself. Our physical connection started incredibly strong and only gets more powerful and intense as time passes. Our emotional connection is more heady than any drug I’ve ever tried. Honestly, I could not fathom anything better.

We love to go on adventures as well as relish the routines we created. I am not afraid to tell him the truth because he truly wants to know me and not just maintain the appearance of getting along. In some ways this feels like I am finally an adult. It feels amazing and not quite real yet.

My boys are happy for me and not terribly surprised, even though I certainly was. They thought it was inevitable since we’ve been together “so long.” I assured them that two years is not long at all and they better not marry someone after just two years! Especially not before the age of 50!

I am very happy and it feels odd not being with him right now. It’s okay, though. I like missing him a little so it will be all the more exciting to see him when we come together this weekend. I never want to stop missing him when we aren’t together.

It was strange getting off the plane and leaving for Boulder on my own, although I was soooo eager to see my boys and tell them the news. Getting home was challenging.

I guess I have to stop calling David My Sweetheart and start referring to him as My Fiancé and be like her …

3 thoughts on “Sayulita and an Announcement

  1. so although I don’t really “know” you, I feel like I do. I’ve been following your blog since reading an article about getting rid of 10 things a day in Reader’s Digest maybe 6 or 7 years ago. I actually followed the program for a whole year! I am so happy you have found your sweetheart and are working toward happily ever after. Congratulations to both of you….

    • Hi Carol! Wow, you’ve been reading me for a long time. Thank you so much for taking an interest in my rollercoaster life, it’s been quite a ride. One thing I failed to mention about my sweetheart, I mean fiancé, is that he is also a minimalist!

  2. Hi honey, I am absolutely thrilled for you and the boys! What a wonderful thing to be, a couple. Love to you all.

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