Santa Fe

My sweetheart took me away for a long weekend in Santa Fe. I am often gone the weekend but something about leaving Colorado makes me feel the need to provision my boys. To leave something for them to reassure them that I am here, I love them, I am always thinking about them.

I worry that somehow by not being in the same state they will eat less vegetables than if I was merely a city over. It doesn’t make sense, it’s just part of my getting out of town routine. I made Shepard’s Pie for Casey and Butternut Squash Risotto for Micah.

We are in the midst of the worst wildfire season in Colorado history. We haven’t had a drop of moisture since the snow in September and even my beloved Calwood is on fire. My heart breaks.

I’ve received concerned messages from people, offering me shelter. The fire isn’t in the city of Boulder and aside from terrible air quality at times, it is kind of business as usual here. I took a walk on a clear day with Caitlin and couldn’t stop looking at how beautiful Redrocks was.

I took my baby dogs to the vet for their annuals. Chief is in perfect health but I’ve been concerned about Bartleby. His nipples are huge, his hair loss profound.

I’ve brought this up with the vet before and she didn’t know much except she feared it was my topical estrogen cream that was causing the hair loss and nipple enlargement. I asked if they could be removed, they are so large and look uncomfortable. She told me that she would have to perform a radical mastectomy on him because the growth wouldn’t stop if I removed them, it would move under his skin.

The biggest one is under his wrap

My poor baby. She’s learned more about hormone replacement therapy’s effect on small dogs. It turns out it isn’t enough to apply it beneath clothes, as I have been doing; he’s still getting poisoned by me.

I just happened meet my endocrinologist a few days later and we decided to implant my hormones under my skin, that way no one can absorb them from me. It won’t reverse his nipple growth but hopefully it will arrest it and maybe his fur will return.

This is my butt shortly after the pellet was put in. It looks worse that it was but still wasn’t fun.

I don’t relish doing this 2-3 times a year for the rest of my life, but hopefully they will come up with longer lasting pellets.

I wasn’t the only person who got jabbed, the boys to get their flu shots this week. There’s something about being at the pediatrician’s office, walking by my OBGYN practice, seeing the new moms with babes in arms, it makes me a little kooky.

I kept grabbing my boys, kissing their faces and yelling, “MY BABIES!” They didn’t love it.

My buddy Dan entertains himself by trolling Nextdoor. I couldn’t stop myself from jumping into the fray.


Actually, he was talking about me, too. I am definitely part of the problem.

I got this in the mail. Look who is a super duper voter!

I have always voted. Every time and for the local elections, too. I never gave it half a thought, I just did it because we are supposed to. I can’t remember the last time I went to a polling station, though. Colorado has been doing mail-in voting forever. It’s so easy.

Tabby got pigs this week. She named them Piglet and Pooh. I told her if she named them Bangers and Mash, or BLT and Chops, I would never talk to her again. They are very shy but are starting to come out of their shells.

My boys went camping with the Scouts while I was gone. It is their favorite trip, Wilderness Survival. They camp on private property that needs to be thinned so they get to chop down small trees and create shelters. They are always full of stories.

My sweetheart decided to stay the night with me in Boulder so we could get on the road early to Santa Fe. It felt vulnerable to have him stay in the Tiny House with me. While I love it, it feels somewhat unbecoming for a woman my age to be living in 300 square feet.

I know I have a proper house and this is just while it is being rented, but there is a part of me that is self-conscious about it. It was actually a really nice evening. We didn’t have any distractions. No TV, no WIFI, no gym, no hot tub, no kitchen, no nothing. We took the boys to dinner and then spent the rest of the evening drinking and talking. It was really lovely.

We hit the road the next morning at 6am and rolled into Santa Fe around 1pm. It worked out great.

We stayed with Jaimes and Christa, longtime friends from the tango world. Both Jaimes and Christa are internationally known dancers and instructors. They got tired of the nomadic life and decided to settle down in Santa Fe and create a community there.

I’ve met a lot of people through my sweetheart, and all of them are warm and welcoming and obviously love him. Jaimes and Christa were wonderful. They were warm, inviting, fiercely intelligent and super quirky. They remind me of my pole world friends, the resemblance makes sense. They work with people, they travel, they have lots of life experience, they are artists … I felt like I was with my people.

Jaimes taught me a little tango, although it didn’t feel like a lesson, I just let him lead me around the dance floor. He’s a beautiful dancer and such a strong lead that it seemed quite natural to dance with him. Then he danced with Christa, Christa danced with my sweetheart, my sweetheart danced with Jaimes, it was beautiful.

With Christa
BF leading Jaimes
Jaimes and Christa

It was delightful to see the playful nature of the dance. Since they were social dancing (versus showcase dancing) there were no dramatic lifts or dips, just dancing in the living room in socks. There is so much I don’t know about tango but I’m learning that it is a conversation between the two partners, the little kicks and foot traps are playful banter, it is an intimate exchange.

I didn’t get any video of me dancing, perhaps it is better that way. I would rather remember feeling graceful than having video to convince me otherwise.

We didn’t explore Santa Fe much because of Covid. It’s funny, the last time I was there I didn’t see much of it because I was poor, now I can’t see much because of the shutdown. It seems that SF and I weren’t meant to be.

We went for a hike near their home. I can’t say the desert is for me but I enjoy seeing new places.

We got takeout from Pasqual’s to scratch my itch, I ate there 25 years ago and loved it. Unfortunately it just isn’t the same eating out of a to-go container balanced on my lap. We enjoyed eating at a few places near the house, there was some great food to be had in parking lot patios.

We got there on Friday and left Monday morning. I always feel blue on my drive home. I’m not sure why because I am always happy to get back to Boulder.

Here’s some stuff on the internet I found to be affirming and helpful. I love relationship memes, especially when they remind me of what is good about my relationship. I have the tendency to catastrophize and the remedy for that is to focus on the positive things in my life and relationships.

And here’s stuff I agree with.

Anywho, it’s about to start dumping snow. I’m in FOCO and just finished dinner and are about to watch Borat. I’m down to get cozy tonight.

2 thoughts on “Santa Fe

  1. I love reading the stuff you found on the internet. I was working at a Middle school last year. Right when I got to school I was told I needed to go to the principals office. WTH! I have never had to do that before. So although I am pushing 60 I still felt a bit “nervousy”. Unfortunately he wanted to tell me about a student that had committed suicide over the weekend. My heart broke. When that happens the schools are really great about supporting the kids and whatever the kids need to do to get through it they help them along the way. In one of my classes that day I just let the kids talk, a lesson plan was not a concern.

    • The number one priority right now is that kids feel supported and NOT WORRIED about their grades. They don’t have enough meaningful contact with their teachers to be expected to perform normally. We had at Erb commit suicide in Boulder recently, it’s so sad. Kids are already so stressed out.

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