I popped onto Instagram because I miss some of my international friends, it’s such an easy way to see what’s going on with them. While it was comforting to see them on the feed, I felt wary of it, like an alcoholic contemplating a glass of wine. I didn’t post.
I look at how often I’ve been posting on my blog lately and that feels good, like I’m creating something I will be able to reflect back on later. But I did see these adorable pictures online and felt compelled to send them to Casey, whose favorite animal is the hippo.
It seems like the air is clearing up, at least it was yesterday morning when I walked early with Chief.
I didn’t feel choked by the air, or maybe I’m just used to it. I walked by the community gardens and saw this family of deer.
Across from the community garden is a private garden. Pictures don’t do justice to what the homeowners have done with their yard, it is planted full of neat rows of vegetables. Earlier in the summer I saw an entire swath planted with the same plants, I didn’t understand it, until now …
I hope I run into them one morning so I can wax rhapsodic about their magnificent gardening skills.
Here’s another gardener who I can wax rhapsodic about …
He is possessed with gardening. He will finish his “last” project of the season only to start a new one that very day. I have watched him transform his property in one single season. He’s created lovely spaces for me to be in.
It’s a relief to have both a physical and emotional space to retreat to during these strange days of so much unrest and upheaval.
We are doing really well, it’s like we turned a corner recently. We decided to face our challenges head on together, and that feels amazing. I have so much unfinished business, so many unhealed wounds from my past that date back to my childhood. We all do and lately I am seeing how much they affect my present.
I’m with someone who just wants to love me and to be let in and I see how I shut down when I get frightened or insecure, rather than communicating in a loving and open way. I bleed on him. I’m so glad he wants to go there with me and heal together. He is tending to our garden.
I feel fall coming, there is snow expected next week! I want to embrace the change in season and myself.
I see all the people who have created these amazing careers and vocations for themselves doing what they love. Why can’t I figure out what that is for me?
The person I am today saw a really nice pot for plants sitting on the sidewalk with a “free” sign on it.
Since it was getting dark and I was only beginning my walk, I stashed it under a bush so I could circle back and grab it later. By the time I finished it was full-on dark out and in trying to get it out I ran into a branch.
I didn’t get my walk in until late tonight because I was with the BF this morning and I made dinner for our new closest family friends. Our kids spend a ton of time together and we’ve been camping twice as families.
I cooked a rather large meal and we had them over, with them life feels normal. We’re just friends that get together to share meals and experiences. It’s easy.
I read this excerpt from The Stranger, Dan Savage’s indy rag in Seattle. They like to predict what is going to happen and this resonated.
This will happen and it will be devastating to public schools.
Meanwhile my kids are doing fine with on-line. I got Casey’s weekly update on assignments and grades. There’s so much information that I feel like I can intervene in a timely fashion should he start declining, but he’s doing great.
Since the BF bought a new truck he let me take his Audi Allroad to Boulder to commute in. It’s incredibly generous. I’m not a fancy car person but I’ll admit it is a lot more fun to drive than my 2006 Toyota minivan. Tonight I asked Micah if he would like to go on a drive with me.
He’s been in it before and really likes it. I’ve been struggling to connect with him and I thought this would be a good way to get some quality time. I sent BF this text after we got back.
So now I’m feeling effusive and so so happy.