I’m going to blow everyone’s minds (all five of you) by reporting that this has been a really good week, and I’m not even going to qualify it by saying, “For being in the midst of a global pandemic and economic crisis worse than the Great Depression.” Nope. It’s been a great week even in the best of times.
First of all, I decided to rent my house out. I can’t remember if I’ve already written about this but I’m too lazy to read my past posts. I decided that it would feel way better to not be in my house but know that I would be able to cover my mortgage and expenses than be in my house and be fraught with anxiety.
It took me a couple days to make the decision and wrap my head around temporarily losing my space, but after that it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders.
Sideboob shot new photos for me and I made a little virtual tour for marketing purposes.
I also put it up on Airbnb as a month-to-month rental which doesn’t require a short-term license. With everything being shut down I wasn’t even sure enforcement was active. Guess what? It is.
An officer contacted me to inquire about my license status and I unloaded my sad story of unemployment, canceled divorce court dates, etc., and asked if I could be issued a temporary license. To my great surprise she was very helpful and asked me to submit my court documents and rental application. Hopefully this means I can get a temporary license and start renting my place out short-term.
Of course the short-term market is for shit right now but I already have a renter for June and I’m confident I can fill July and August as 30 day rentals. I’m feeling very fortunate that I live in a place where people continue to want to visit and there is abundant work for a certain class of people with lots of money.
Meanwhile, I’ll go back to Lonny’s and stay at the Tiny House. I built the dang thing after all so why not use it? And I’ll still be at The BFs house several days a week.
Scratchy will probably like having me there although I doubt I’ll see more of him than I already do. I think he misses the idea of me more than the actual me. Itchy will miss my little house, he likes being on-top of me. I like it, too. We have become so close in these last few months and it’s largely because it is hard to disappear in my house. I feel like we have spent more time together in the last two months here than the last several years in the big one.
Once things recover, and I have no idea how long that will take, I can go back to my little house and rent it out on the weekends like I had originally planned.
This would have been unthinkable a few months ago but things have shifted drastically in my life. Lonny and I are getting along better and I am feeling much more relaxed in The BF’s house. Perhaps it is the warm weather drawing us outside and watching everything green up.
It was during the first cold snap in late October when I first saw his home. The inside is not as bright as mine and the cold weather made me feel a little claustrophobic and constantly searching for light. But as the outdoors come to life I feel differently about the space. His house was built with straw bales and stucco, making it incredibly energy efficient. I know that in the summer it will be a wonderful sanctuary from the heat.
The warming weather has also revealed another side of him … the constant gardener. He’s been on a mission to reclaim his outdoor spaces. I’ve breezed past his front patio hundreds of times and just now am I seeing how lovely it will be to dine out there, write, and daydream in the shade.
Meanwhile he is planting flowers, herbs, and vegetables everywhere possible. His enthusiasm for gardening is infectious and each evening we sit out back and observe the swale behind his property where a couple of Great Horned Owls and their babies are nesting.
Right before he and I got together he installed a rock garden on an adjacent piece of HOA property. I remember him showing it to me in October, moving aside the protective plastic, and thinking it wasn’t much to be excited about. But now everything he planted is leaping to life and I’m just as eager to see the progress his baby plants have made in the few days since I’ve seen them last.
He sits out there at sunset with his cat Rosemary and visits with passers-by, enjoying talking about the plants. I recognize and relate to this trait of being a community builder.
I’ve particularly gravitated to the top floor of his house where there is a dance studio. We like to workout together and have similar routines.
I’m interesting in growing together – not apart – and I see how I tend to farm out my needs, not before trying to get my partner to engage in them with me but if I have to twist arms or ask more than a dozen times I give up and look elsewhere.
I know that I cannot expect one person to fulfill my needs, and I don’t think that would be healthy, but I very much want the person I am with to be the person I do things with. And not just occasional things, but the things that I do all the time.
Like my paint-by-numbers project. It’s coming along.
He’s also learned my favorite card game that I used to play with my grandfather. I haven’t found a single other person (aside from my niece) who will play it with me. It’s deliciously mean spirited and he really gets into it.
And for Valentine’s Day Emily gave me some Korean facial treatments. Those things really aren’t my jam but I thought it would be fun to subject him to it.
It kind of got all Silence of the Lambs up in here.
And we are watching television series together even though staying awake for them is really hard. We just started Yellowstone which is like Dallas only without big hair and cheese. It’s so good I haven’t nodded off yet.
Anyway, all this is to say that I am feeling very grounded right now, like I am in a bubble of protection even if I don’t have my own home to go back to. I am in a space that feels welcoming and where I can air my voice and ask for what I need and be met with compassion and understanding.
I realize that it is still an uncertain place – a lot rides on the relationship going well – but this is where I am right now and I’m going to let it in. And to be fair, there is no such thing as a sure thing. Life can be upended for any number of reasons, as this pandemic has shown us. What makes me feel safe is that I know he doesn’t want me to be inauthentic, he feels the distance that withholding puts between us and supports me in speaking up and telling the truth. It is truly remarkable.
And the end result is that I am so much more relaxed and at peace. Even Itchy noticed and commented on it to me. My dreams have been way better.
So that’s the big BF download.
In other news, Jeremy decided to run a half-marathon around his apartment complex, with it taking 221 steps to complete each lap. Itchy and I turned out to cheer him on.
It was like watching a hamster in a wheel.
But you know, there’s not a whole lot more to do and it was just weird enough to tickle my fancy.
I made a bunch of masks for Pamcakes and things have slowed down for me sewing wise. I needed the break.
Scratchy comes over for lunch sometimes, when he can get a break from on-line school. He’s starting to horn in on my salads. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, awesome! He’s eating well! On the other … hey, that’s my salad!
I often shop at our small Asian market and pick up strange candies and cookies. I thought these were particularly fetching with their animal facts.
Mother’s Day is today and the boys came through for me. Itchy especially. I woke up to this little e-card he made.. He’s been learning how to use Procreate, an illustration program.
He made me dinner (fancy ramen, and I love ramen) and Scratchy gave me gummy worms because the store was out of Swedish Fish (my fave) but he told me I could have only one … something I make the boys promise to hold me to when I ask them for a piece of their candy.
We went for walks and then got ice cream, it was a mellow and sweet day. I’m teaching them how to show me love rather than expecting them to just know. It’s something I’ve learned from The BF. The challenge is communicating in a way that doesn’t sound like a criticism.
I got a notice from the post office that there was a letter waiting for me that needed more postage. I’m not sure why it took TWO MONTHS to get to me but inside I found a Valentine’s Day card with a piece of chocolate. The chocolate screwed up the delivery.
Even though it seems obvious now, I could not make out the signature and had no idea who it came from. It was definitely a woman (I don’t know any men that dot their I’s with hearts) but it wasn’t until I put it on Instagram did I figure out that it came from Nancy in Maryland. She’s the friend that gave me Minx. It was a fun little mystery.
While driving in Fort Collins I saw this conundrum.
I honestly have no idea what any of this means. I mean, I am totally down with all the sentiments but why put it on the back of your car? A street-racer modified car to boot. I like Fort Collins, it’s really growing on me as I spend more time there even though the last two months have been largely me enjoying walking around their version of the creek path.
Walking around with Chief is the thing I do most. He gets freaked out by things he doesn’t understand (like The DB’s really nice and totally normal acting Vietnamese neighbor who scared him so much he peed all over himself WTF) and this was a particularly bright, or is it dim, moment …
Here’s Scheissehund being super cute in the morning …
Here are pictures from my morning walks …
And finally, the internet roundup for the week …
Oh, and the thing that really made my week! Remember how I had a falling out with a friend? We made up! She reached out to me to see if we could patch things up and I gladly took her up on it. Life is too short to have open wounds and our falling out was complicated but ultimately based in wanting to feel loved and appreciated. We all deserve that and this friendship definitely deserves a second chance.