Love in the Time of Corona: Day 34

Sourdough bread update … it turned out great!

Yes it could have had bigger air pockets. Yes the crust could have been crustier. But it was my first attempt and I pretty much half-assed it because I didn’t have all day, and it was delicious. It had that wonderful sourdough taste and crust and I capitulated to the BF’s healthier urges by making it with whole wheat flour.

I was soooo ready to spend the evening with him, especially as the cold weather came in. A hot tub really does a lot to change one’s feelings about snow. I was so tired of sewing, I needed the break.

I sold out of the sixty I made immediately. I’ll be back at it starting tomorrow.

BF made pizza for dinner, the dough and everything. I enjoy it when he cooks because he’s got a folder with recipes he’s gathered over the years (as do I) and he knows exactly what he wants to do, how to do it, and where everything is. He’s the master of his own kitchen and I love that.

Afterwards we watched the first episode of Picard, the Star Trek Next Generation reboot.

I actually started watching it myself and then thought that he might be interested in it so I stopped. My hunch was correct, was very into TNG almost 30 years ago (OMG, that was so long ago) and was happy to share it with me.

Hello old friend

Watching Patrick Stewart reprise his role of Jean-Luc Picard feels like watching Obama endorse Joe Biden, it was deeply comforting. Here’s a man who I trust, who I have a long relationship with, who has shown me over the years that he is steady and true. Yes, Picard is a fictional character but still, we all need some comfort right now and I’ll take it where I can get it.

I drove back to Boulder despite the weather because I made plans to hang out with Scratchy. It’s full-on winter.

All this heavy, wet snow contributes to that feeling of disorientation everyone has. Not only are we confused about what day of the week it is, now we are confused about what season it is.

The first thing I did when I got home was knock the snow off as many plants as I could. The trees and shrubs are leafing out which makes them even more vulnerable to breakage.

While the flowers didn’t seem to be bothered by the last snow, this one is far colder and the tender buds are frozen solid. It makes me so sad, there is nothing I look forward to more than seeing new leaves and fragrant blossoms. I’m glad I suppressed my urge to put away my winter clothes, I have a feeling I’ll need them for another month.

Ball dog

I peeled off my wet clothes and put something on YouTube to watch, I can’t remember what it was, but the next thing that came on was amazing.

Apple sponsored a five-hour single-take film to be shot on an iPhone in the Hermitage in St. Petersburg. It’s the location of one of my favorite films, The Russian Ark, also shot in one continuous take.

This one is a leisurely stroll through the museum where the camera pans around the room, takes in the architecture, and focuses on the art. It is punctuated with dancers moving in and out of the rooms in a simple and pared down way, quite unlike the intricate choreography of The Russian Ark but beautiful in its own way.

I lay down under a blanket and took the most luxurious nap, drifting in and out of sleep to this serene and beautiful tour. I will likely continue to visit it as it is quite long. I wonder if I would appreciate it more in person. A friend visited the Hermitage not too long ago and she said that it was crowded and poorly managed, so this might be superior. It’s at least worth a look.

Right now my heart is hurting. I had a falling out with a good friend a few months back, we decided to take some time apart and then Corona happened. Today I’ve been thinking about her and wondering how she is and if enough time has passed. In truth, probably not. If I’m still hurting then likely she is, too. There is nothing to do but sit with my feelings.

I’ve lost a few friends since my breakup with Lonny, it’s a common occurrence with divorce. It wasn’t that they chose him, but more likely it was a result of me changing into a not-so-fun version of myself. I’ve been lost in grief, anger, fear, and a whole host of challenging emotions that makes me a lot of work to be around. It is a self absorbed time, my problems loom large and not everyone has the patience or wherewithal to hang with me. I understand it, I sympathize, and I am still sad. So there it is.

Also possible, I’ve taken stock of most of the relationships in my life, this is my season for change. I’ve attempted to salvage some with conversations and either 1) I suck really bad at it or 2) some people don’t want our relationship to evolve.

Either way, it is what it is.

One thought on “Love in the Time of Corona: Day 34

  1. I love how you are so honest about have you have changed since your breakup and how some might not be able to handle it. I think so many people tend to blame the other person rather looking at themselves. It is very impressive. You know I have never had a friendship where we ” broke up” and ever ended up getting back together……….It takes a lot for me to be done. When I am done, I am done. There is no going back. It just isn’t there anymore. Some might call me hardcore, but it is what it is. BTW I think the snow is so magical(not having to deal with it that often. Only several times a winter, except when we had a whole week off for snow days last year) While you were in magical land I was walking on the beach in 70 degree weather. Teehee

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