I’m giving myself one hour to write this post because I’M THAT BUSY.
For real, it’s ridiculous.
I pretty much make masks, do some mandatory self-care (walking, strength training, salad eating – which takes forever!) gourmet cooking for the boys and then sew, sew, sew. I go to bed exhausted.
Easter was a bust because Corona and I missed the one thing I look forward to all year, culinarily speaking. Emily’s coffee cake.
Goddamn it’s so good and many accomplished bakers (me being the least accomplished) have attempted to recreate it using her recipe. But she sabotages the recipe and so always comes out horrible and dry. The one time I get it is at Easter when Sarah throws her annual Easter Egg Hunt and Brunch.
So I capitulated and made scalloped potatoes, another once-a-year, if that, indulgence.
I sent the video to MPT because she is my soulmate when it comes to that magical combination of potatoes, cream, butter and cheese.
I try to keep this nifty infographic in mind relative to how busy I think I should be.
Sideboob responded to it in my stories, clearly she didn’t get the point. It’s also why I love her because I did the same thing.
Of course she is.
I modified a pattern I found on the internet to address the toughest parts of making masks, namely the great elastic shortage of 2020 and the mega pain-in-the-ass of making pleats.
This pattern utilizes KAM snaps (I have a bunch from my diaper making days for Scheissehund) which allows anyone to use their own rubber bands, hair ties, string, ribbon, etc. to customize the size. Don’t get me wrong, they still take forever to make.
I kept myself occupied this time by watching Chernobyl on Netflix. Britt recommended it to me and I took her up on it. Given that I found a docuseries on rape (see the previous post) to be uplifting, I figured I would give the world’s largest nuclear disaster a stab.
In short, I loved it. Yes, it’s a colossal bummer but it’s also soooo good. The scariest part TBH is the uncanny resemblance the events of that time bear to our current situation. AKA, terrible shit is happening, people are dying, lots more people will die, yet Dump refuses to listen to the scientists who KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT because he’s afraid of the optics and looking bad. Awesome. Still, watch it.
Also, like everyone else these days, I’m attempting to become an artisan sourdough bread baker. That shit is a struggle.
I got my recipe for “Simple” sourdough bread here and was daunted by the 14 steps and two day time-line. Since the boys are super into watching cooking videos, I thought it might help to watch a tutorial.
I watched with a sinking heart and both boys chimed in something to the effect of me being in way over my head. If you can buy a loaf of artisan sourdough for under $10, you are getting a deal.
So yeah, I do that all day. I’m also doing a certain amount of emotional labor trying to keep everyone stable, myself included. Scratchy is somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster these days. He goes from being completely absorbed in his on-line world of school and friends, to the point of blowing me off and not coming over much, to breaking down because he misses me so much and feels completely disconnected. He’s also a kid so he can’t connect the dots and see how choosing not to spend time with me would lead to him feel that way.
I try to lure him over but he always has something going on … until he hits the wall and realizes that something is missing (connection with his mother) and he has an emotional meltdown that usually takes hours to clean up.
Issues with the divorce, living between two households, wanting time with just me, etc., have to be sorted out once again and, once again, we come to the same conclusion that he needs to spend more time with me. I can’t force him to come over but he really needs to, even if it means having to share me with his brother.
I understand that he wants “just me” but it isn’t a reasonable request. I have two kids. I can’t split myself up that way, I don’t want to. And I also get that we have a different quality of time when it’s just us, but I can’t make that choice. It tears me apart. And it is unreasonable. We are under lock-down, things are different.
Plus, I love having both my boys with me.
Anyway, he’s some funny/cool shit I found/put on the internet.
I’m about to take a shower and go to DB’s (renaming him the BF for boyfriend) because I want a night off, I want someone to cook for me, and I am tired of watching lazy kids laze around while I work my ass off.
The BF made this for me the other day, I didn’t lift a finger. Ahhhhhh. He also does a lot of emotional labor for me. He puts me back together after a tough week and takes care of me. I take care of him, too, but he more than returns the favor.
I’m not proofreading this, I gotta get out of here.