Lockdown: Day 6

Aside from society shutting down and mass mortality, do you know what else I’m worried about?

Getting fat.

Jesus, I hope Tabby isn’t reading this because she will harangue me about it later.

I know it’s stupid but since I’m being real here …

I lost 25 pounds between June and October and I kinda want to keep it off. There’s nothing like a whole lotta inactivity and stress to trigger comfort eating. I live in fear.

Of course my solution is to cook. I know it sounds ridiculous but hear me out. Cooking is an activity and when I’m occupied I don’t mindlessly eat. Also, I’m making healthier meals which beats going to town on ramen which is something I would happily do if I knew it wouldn’t blow me up.

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain on the roof which quickly turned into snow.

I didn’t notice when it happened because I got clever and searched “relaxing nature videos” on Youtube and had this video going while I wrote as the sun came up.

Such big, fat flakes.

It didn’t stop me from taking Chief on a long neighborhood walk while I talked to Lauren who has been in Guatemala/Oaxaca for the last month. She managed to convince me that she would be very careful on the flight home.

I got home and did my friend Sam Star’s morning mobility routine. I love how people are getting creative and finding ways to continue their work even while stuck at home.

I’m still being creative. Like the other night I was listening to Rachel Maddow and had a drink in me and decided that I simply had to email her my brainstorm.

Live long and prosper, ya’ll.

Anyway, after I did that stuff (and my kids are still asleep) I started cooking.

I have friends who are baking scones and cookies and delicious shit like that, but noooo not me.

I made a carb-free lasagna with eggplant and zucchini instead of noodles. I dragged Itchy off the couch to babysit the ricotta. I got the inspiration for it from a woman on Instagram. Her account is written on the photos.

It turned out pretty good although the sauce seemed a little light to me, like it needed more gravity. I’ll make it again but with a heavier sauce, maybe I’ll put Impossible Meat Italian sausage in it.

Then I moved onto sourdough starter. I’ve never made bread with sourdough starter before but I love the taste and I want to make a whole grain version of the no knead bread. All the times I’ve attempted it with whole wheat and yeast it has come out dense and soggy.

But another woman I follow on IG has a blog where she walks you through how to make your own kombucha (I learned how to do it from her) do your own fermentation, and bake bread among other things. Her loaves look like this …


This woman has a full-time job yet managed to turn her pedestrian California yard into the most productive urban farm I’ve ever seen. She has chickens, vegetables, marijuana, raises Monarch butterflies, pickles and cans, bakes artisan loaves, dehydrates herbs and makes seasoning, grows and makes elderberry syrup, kombucha, and more. Plus she installed water catchment and is a robust composter. Her knowledge is vast and if you are even a little bit inclined, check her out.

If this works out, I’m going to have to get a 20 pound sack of flour.

And while I was at it, I bottled up a batch of kombucha (thanks Deanna!) and put it up for a second ferment. I’ve had a ton of good luck using her advice and my family will be happy to know that they won’t run out of bread and booch during this crisis.

So yeah, I was super busy today. And I have plenty more to do. I have a website to build, cloth napkins to make, and flag garlands.

During my walks I talk to friends on the phone and have been keeping up with others via text and social media.

Jordan, one of my fabulous LA pole friends, messages me a lot. Well, I message her and she is nice enough to respond.

Given how completely dope she is as a human, performer, and outspoken advocate for LGBTQ and sex worker rights, I was pretty stoked she boob dialed me.

The conversation actually started when I woke up. She was on her way back from a retreat in Bali and I had just woken up from an anxiety dream that she appeared in to calm me down.

I was in LA to teach a pole class (this is how you know it wasn’t reality) but I didn’t know where the class was being held or even what the studio was, but I knew it was in an hour and I wasn’t going to make it. Plus my pants kept falling down as I walked … and I mean all my pants so you can check the naked in public box, and I was looking for a new place to live … with my mother. So this has now escalated to DEFCON 1* level anxiety.

*FYI, DEFCON 1 is the highest level

Anyway, I had to text her about it and her boob responded.

DB and I saw her in LA when we went over Valentine’s Day. We saw a lot of amazing shows that weekend but her set in a trans-inclusive show at a seedy gay bar was one of my highlights.

No one can eye-fuck you while flipping you off quite like her. Hostile stripper is her specialty.

I met her in Boulder when she was here for one of Sideboob’s pole events. She’s kept in touch with me ever since so I always make a point of seeing her when I’m in LA. Often she is the main event.

I should write more about that trip, it was really lovely and DB is one of the rare men out there who completely gets who my friends are and why.

I’ve tried to explain my pole life to men before and have had to deal with some ignorant shit with the spectrum being completely intimidated and not wanting to know anything about it to assuming that my friends would want to have indiscriminate sex with them because pole artists are also nymphomaniacs. I have zero patience for any of it.

Here are some pictures of DB doing cool human tricks, for JJ’s enjoyment.

Anyway, I digress. I’m glad we got that trip in because I have a feeling it will be a long time until we get to go anywhere.

I’ll close with some funny shit from IG.

I’m thinking of someone in particular when I see this. I am taking not an insignificant amount of pleasure in knowing his ass is getting shut down for god knows how long. Suck it, asshole.
This is some real talk.

Geez, I’m back to my usual, vulgar self again. This writing thing must be working.

3 thoughts on “Lockdown: Day 6

  1. I just got done gardening and had to stop because of blister on palm. It was nice to see you wrote something new! Love the pictures of DB. I asked Mr Basil if he can still do a handstand. He thinks his balance is off. Which I don’t believe. I call him my gazelle when I watch him leaping through the forest when we go mushroom picking. When you mentioned making napkins it reminded me of when we were neighbors. I seem to remember you made them back then too. Such a great idea preparing all kinds of healthy yummy food! I smiled about your bored comment. I was just mentioning to one of my sisters how we were not allowed(or decided it was best not to)to say we were bored. My mom would immediately give us a list of things we could do, chores, not fun creative stuff. Heading for my beach walk. Sunny and warm here. Teehee

    • I’ve always been a cloth napkin person, even at 19. I have a Babylock now so they are super easy to make. DB doesn’t have any and it rankles me to my core to use paper. I hope I get to visit you in your home on the beach one day. I would love to see what you’ve done to it in the, what, 20-25 years since I’ve been there.

      • I too, am a cloth napkin person. It is funny how people think it is so fancy to use cloth napkins. The only thing paper I buy is TP. 🙂 This Oct. it will be 24 yrs since I bought my house. There is nothing major that has changed…yet……I have some ideas. Right now there are a lot(too many) of things that need to be done. Check out my facebook, I posted a picture of one of Basil’s breads.

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