Mandatory Ticket Freak Out

There’s this thing which seems to be an unavoidable part of my show-going experience. I call it The Last Minute Ticket Freak Out.

It involves us pulling up to the venue and then realizing that we aren’t sure who, if anyone, bought the tickets. It’s so stressful that I have attempted to end-run it by making a note of who bought the tickets in the calendar entry.

The Concert Death Pact crew are big CloZee fans since we saw her the day before New Year’s Eve at the Boulder Theater. She announced her concert dates for this year and they didn’t include Colorado except for an opening gig at Red Rocks, which was sold out before she even signed on.

When she announced she was going to be playing at the after party for Shpongle (the headliner) we made sure we got tickets. I was in Morocco, Junebug was off-grid camping, and Redacted was on a road trip with his family. But seeing as how he was the only one with reliable internet, he got the tickets.

Take that!

You ever watch Final Destination? The gist is that a group of teenagers (natch) somehow cheat death by not getting on an airplane that crashes and kills everyone on board.

But death – being a persistent fucker – chased every single one down and picked them off.

You can’t cheat death.

Well, apparently you can’t cheat our Mandatory Ticket Freak Out, try as I may.

We’ve had some pretty epic ticket freak-outs, the worst involving Redacted needing to download an app so he could access the tickets he forgot he bought, including one that he gifted to a lucky person wanting to get into Troy Boi.

He holds up well under pressure, I will give him that. He had a line of people piling up behind him as he went through the 2-step verification, and “Are you a robot” captcha bullshit and it was really cold outside, which didn’t make matters any better.

I cannot tell you how much I miss paper. Really. I am so tired of apps for everything. And each app requires a password, 2-step verification and all kinds of permissions to datamine my phone and turn me into the super consumer of every marketer’s dreams.

No thanks but I guess I’ll download it because there are no other options.

We all went to Denver Friday night and everything was fine until Disney On Ice decided he wanted to join us, which is great because I freaking love that guy. But this show was waaaay sold out so I was a little worried about getting him in.

Redacted won’t take no for an answer when it comes to tickets (or anything) he is certain that where there’s a will, there’s a way.

The video kind of tells the story at the beginning.

After trying to make it work in the car we decided to try the box-office –hahahahaha – and then resorted to asking every. single. person. who walked into the theater. Many were fresh from Red Rocks and pretty high.

On life.

I wanted to go inside and wait but Redacted has a very strong leave no one behind ethic and insisted on staying with Disney On Ice until he got a ticket. DOI would have for sure given up if we hadn’t stayed with him. And it was “we” because the way the tickets were structured, Redacted had one barcode for me, himself and Loony and no way of letting us go in ahead of him. He is 100% the better person.

I was outside under duress. I am not the best friend ever.

The lady at the door was the worst, she saw what we were doing and refused to let Redacted redeem his ticket and then go outside to wait.


Despite having another person trolling for tickets, DOI got one for $20! Redacted had already taken donations from us to throw money at the problem and was prepared to pay $100.

WE WERE IN!

But we weren’t. In the 15 seconds it took for DOI to score a ticket, Redacted managed to transfer the tickets to me.

FUUUCK!

Which meant it was in app purgatory that no one could reach until I downloaded the app to my phone and reset the password because I couldn’t remember it and since I couldn’t see because I didn’t have my glasses, and to be honest, I couldn’t type either, I threw my phone at Redacted and made it his problem.

He had to confront his Captcha nemesis yet again and identify all the fire hydrants in the picture while the asshole security was trying to usher us out of line and DOI was like, “Could you speed it up,” even though we stood out there with him for 30 fucking minutes!

Security must have thought we were trying to scam our way in because they kept insisting we not block the entry which at that time zero people were coming through. They seemed genuinely surprised we actually had tickets BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MIDDLE AGED WHITE PEOPLE IN NEW AUDIS DO! WE TRY TO SNEAK INTO CONCERTS!

Thank god for apps. It would have been so much harder for him to just hand us our tickets.

We were so fucking happy to be inside even though nothing was going on yet.

Junebug, Weird Flex, and Ben looked at us rather perplexed. We all looked like we had survived the Titanic while they were standing around in an empty venue wondering what the fuck we were so excited about.

The Mandatory Ticket Freak Out is the least fun part of our concert experience but we can’t seem to avoid it, but at least it bonds us together in the way that only surviving adversity can.

White People Problems (only I’m not white but I am by proxy because I live in Boulder)

Redacted would make an excellent bomb diffuser. He can stay calm while everyone is freaking the fuck out and people are pressuring him. I’m not sure what I’m good at when it comes to our concert dynamic, but it sure as hell isn’t technology.

Come to think of it, this would be a great team building exercise. Make teams solve all kinds of puzzles, endure humiliation, then reward them with dope music and dancing.

Like this only we are screaming at each other

I made some new friends in the bathroom while waiting for the show to start …

I love the ladies room so much

… and once the show got going it was pure heaven all the way.

The opening acts were incredible with beautiful dancers and really interesting music. CloZee is the queen of bass. Her music is so beautiful but then she drops in ridiculous bass with zero hesitation, I just love her.

A guy I met at the last CloZee show connected with us again. He has those magic light up gloves and finger tuts, which I am an absolute sucker for. It was fun have our very own light show for the evening and I adore meeting people at shows, especially shows that draw in a certain crowd.

CloZee fans are the best; unlike Troy Boi fans that will trample your lifeless body to get a better position.

Although come to think of it, the security at Troy Boi were a bunch of assholes, too.

Because it was an afterparty nothing started until midnight. I didn’t get to bed until 5am but was in surprisingly good shape when I woke up at 8:00.


Junebug and I did our usual walking of the dogs and breakfast thing.

We had frittatas on the porch and then went inside to watch an episode of What We Do In The Dark while the dogs raged out at each other.

The best

It was a pretty great 24 hours.

3 thoughts on “Mandatory Ticket Freak Out

  1. While I respect your total authority to issue any blog name you choose I think DOI would enjoy a name like Triple Lutz…or Triple Putz…or Albino Salchow…just a thought. I think the last minute plan changes were also note worthy.

    • I’ll take your code names under consideration, they are all solid options. But you have to stay Weirdflex.

      I’m not kicking the hornet’s nest with the change in plans, we almost fell apart that night!

  2. Don’t ever kick a hornets nest. Treat that shit like a piñata and smack it till they all out.

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