Harshing My Mellow from 4500 Miles Away

Sideboob is in Norway – the land from which she harkens – to shoot a wedding and get some European travel in.

Am I jealous? You bet.

I had a super weird night of sleep. I passed out right after dinner for an hour – felt sooo gooood – and then woke up around 8:30 to hang out with the kids and do some reading before turning in for good around 10:30.

I’m reading Waterland by Graham Swift, a novel that takes place in post WWI Fens of eastern England. He’s a fiercely good writer and I’m enjoying every word.

I woke up around 3AM and naturally had to text Sideboob because time change.

Ruining it

Homegirl always has my back but she also never candy coats it. Her power to burst my bubble transcends space and time.

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People complain about communicating with kids these days but I must admit that I really enjoy texting. I like writing, what can I say. Itchy has a penchant for it.

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School started yesterday. I took a van load of kids to Water World for the last day of summer, we were there when the doors opened and we shut it down.

Naturally the kids scattered the second we got there and only resurfaced for food. I mostly chilled and read and amused myself by watching kids get fished out of the wave pool by the adorable extremely competent lifeguards.

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And dig this baby wearing, extravagant facial hair sporting, old man hat toting dude in the wave pool. 11/10 zero fucks.

I went on a few rides myself, including this one …

Yeah, I didn’t look like that when I rode it. I pretty much wiped out instantly and got spit out the side, but I tried. You know what didn’t happen to me? I didn’t lose my entire swimsuit like the poor kid who went before me.

There were a couple men there in wetsuits riding it all day like a surfing treadmill, it was pretty cool.

By the 4:30 I was fried and wanted to get the fuck out of there. But no, the kids had to have The Colossus, two funnel cakes surrounding four scoops of ice cream with powdered sugar, whipped cream and canned pie filling.

I suggested the four of them share one but was quickly overruled. Who gave those kids money?

I suppressed my gag reflex as the kids horked down the nastiest fair food ever.

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This one wanted to know if he could finish it in the car. Yeah, right.

They were good and tired and went right to bed, perfect for Scratchy’s first day of school.

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Uncle Alan showed up the other day with a tiny snake in a jar. He accidentally ran over the mom while mowing his lawn so he brought the baby over.

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I have a strict NO REPTILES rule at my house but since Itchy named him Lamborghini Snook I just couldn’t say no. We will grow the little guy up and release him when he’s bigger. Guess who has frozen mice in her fridge?

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This gal

I got this lovely bit of advice from the internet today …

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I’m going to assume that the same is true for a selfie with a dog in it.

I also saw this …

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Totes My Parasitic Twin. We had Coffee and Scream this morning now that school has started. For some reason we don’t see each other in the summer. She sees my kids all the time, being the Pool Queen that she is, but I never see her. Too busy I guess.

Actually, I see a ton of her husband in the summer. He and Lonny and I see lots of music and last week was crazy. We went to a Pretty Lights pre-party and then to Pretty Lights at Red Rocks the next day with his kids.

We had a lot of fun!

His kids, not so much.

They were so bored that they had to amuse themselves with cheap LED toys and card games because there was literally nothing else to look at. Because they REFUSED to look at the stage, and I mean refused.

We insisted they stand up and look at the stage so they purposefully stood right behind someone and lamented that they couldn’t see. I swear, you can’t make someone have a good time so we were like, fuck it, and stood a row above them so they couldn’t harsh our wonderful vibes AND THEY FOLLOWED US! WHY?!

Here’s a video of the whole show if you have a couple hours to blow. Or just go to 1:04:00 and watch for a few minutes to see a little bit of all of it.

Oh my god, it was a beautiful night.

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But anyway, I saw MPT today and she told me that she had gas from garlicky Thai food but thought it was a heart attack so she went to the ER to have it checked out. She showed me this picture …

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And I was like, NO WAY! I HAVE THE SAME PICTURE!

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This picture was taken in 2012 for this post. I’m telling you, if this doesn’t convince you that we were separated at birth, then nothing will. The only reason we aren’t in identical hospital rooms is because THAT HOSPITAL NO LONGER EXISTS!

I should have her filter the shit out of this photo so I can look as plastic and Barbie as she does.

I dunno, what else. OH! That Fucking Cat was nice to me!

She jumped in my lap so subtly that it took me a minute to realize what was going on. AND SHE LET ME PET HER! It only took five years to get her to acknowledge my presence. I should check her food dish, maybe she’s sucking up because she’s hungry.

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I went to the studio today to glaze my last pieces. I’m not enrolled in ceramics next session. Work is busy and something has to give. I’ll be back once things settle down.

What with me wrapping a big project for work, my mother-in-law coming, and this guy coming out to visit, I don’t think I’ll have time for pottery.

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STEVEN IS COMING STEVEN IS COMING STEVEN IS COMING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

I’ve probably been neglecting my family long enough to write this stupid post. See ya!

 

 

 

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