Nothing Says Thanksgiving Like Neuticles

It’s Thanksgiving, one of those holidays that given all we know about the treatment of the Native Americans begs the question as to why we even observe it anymore.

Screen Shot 2017-11-23 at 7.39.49 AM

We know better than to run ads like this, why not stop celebrating genocide?

But hey, the kids still get the entire week off of school to celebrate the enslavement, rape, and systematic murder of entire indigenous societies (as in they were here first).

I decided to push back on the tradition of me spending all day cooking what amounts to be a pretty bland meal. I could take or leave turkey and stuffing. Mashed potatoes and gravy are the stuff of life but I have them at least once a week. And pie? I love pie but I don’t need a holiday to have one.


So when I was getting breakfast with Scratchy at KT’s BBQ Pit (their grits breakfast bowl is to die for) and I saw that they are doing a Holiday June Bowl … mashers, stuffing, gravy, smoked turkey and cranberry … for $7.75, I thought to myself why not just order up one for each of us and call it done?



I popped next door to the Breadworks and bought a couple of pies and felt myself suffused with a deep sense of liberation. I had to share my victory with MPT


I asked what she doing for Thanksgiving.


She knows I have a massive girl crush and almost sent me into a Holiday Death Spiral of resentment. That was close.

So now, instead of cooking and cleaning all day, I’m going to catch up on my blogging, go on a family hike, and do some reading.

These days I’ve been reading up on neuticles, prosthetic testicles for dogs.

That’s right, Chief is gonna get neuticles when it is time for the old snip-snip. Why?


I mean, if I can have implants, why shouldn’t he?

Thank god for Stitch, I can talk to her about anything.

Screen Shot 2017-11-23 at 1.21.56 PM.png

She doesn’t miss a beat.

Screen Shot 2017-11-23 at 1.19.19 PMScreen Shot 2017-11-23 at 1.20.44 PM

Talk about the ultimate conversation starter.


They make earrings, too

Ever since he survived his UTI ordeal (the short answer after probably $2K in vet bills and wasted personalized potty training sessions is that he was getting too much protein in his diet, I switched him to cheaper food and he’s doing great) I figure we owe ourselves a little gift by way of adorable jellybean balls.

Screen Shot 2017-11-09 at 7.51.46 AM

Why can’t anything just be simple for me?

And to think that MPT was super stressed out that I would blog about a pretty amazing conversation we had about her butthole the other day. I’m classier than that. I try to only share my secret weird obsessions. Not that she’s obsessed with her butthole, it was something else.

AND, frankly, you gotta work for that kind of intel. She doesn’t share that kind of stuff with just anyone, you gotta get in with her and I’m not burning my access. Not this time at least.

What else? Here’s a picture of me from Halloween.


Loony and I hit the bars in our animal costumes but it got fucking hot AND I found a bra in the bathroom that I put over my clothes. It was a weird night.

I think I’m less into big holiday parties and more into just going out with friends, like the other night when I went to SoDown and Spectacle at The Fox with my crew.


Gofer’s face behind us in classic!

Stitch and Treasure Box (Bina’s new nom-de-blog) came with and I felt suffused with happiness to be out with my sweet girls, Loony and friends while dancing in a cocoon of warmth and companionship.


Here’s a funny text Itchy sent to me.


I’m living the dream these days with no less than three animals smothering me in bed.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

My next door neighbor got a puppy when I did and she’s not down with sleeping with dogs. I like to show her pictures of me and my pets and be all …


Back to Thanksgiving, I took Chief on a hike, he freaking loved being off leash.

We ran into a million fun dogs …


Pug party


This cutie can’t get too much UV or her vision deteriorates

… including my friend’s daughter’s Great Dane who is just 6 months old and freaking huge!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

… and Minx is looking sluttier than ever these day. I LOVE HER SO MUCH!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Okay, shit. I gotta go. Time to pop the to-go containers in the oven.


One thought on “Nothing Says Thanksgiving Like Neuticles

  1. Pingback: Thank God I’m Not Camping | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply