Why Can’t Shit Just Go According To Plan?

Here was the plan:

  1. Get puppy
  2. Work with puppy on potty training
  3. Puppy gets better at potty training as time passes
  4. Send puppy to a board and train for a week for “finishing”
  5. Puppy comes home perfect forever (throws party)

Yeah, this isn’t how it went

Here’s how it actually went.

  1. Get puppy
  2. Works with puppy on potty training
  3. Puppy is not getting potty training
  4. Puppy is actually peeing in the house more than ever
  5. Now puppy is peeing in his kennel … and my bed … WTF?!?
  6. Vet says puppy has urinary tract infection (and a host of diarrhea causing “spiroketes”). Commence with medication to treat both.
  7. Puppy goes FIVE DAYS without peeing in the house, WOOT! Maybe we’ve got this thing beat!
  8. The day Chief goes to board and train he pees in the house again and hey, how come on walks he’s peeing a little bit here, a little bit there, instead of all at once like he usually does?
  9. Drop puppy off at trainer with meds and instructions. Puppy pees on trainer’s carpet. Good luck with that.
  10. Seven days later puppy comes home and trainer looks completely defeated. Chief regressed horribly, pees every 30 minutes, in his crate, all over the house, and appears to have developed a fetish for his own pee.

Well fuck.

Yeah, so that happened. My poor trainer, he did not know what the fuck was going on with Chief except that he was showing no aversion to peeing in his bed and everywhere, and appeared to like his own urine because he was licking at his stream while peeing. Like some watersport fetish.


It’s one of “those” posts

To be fair, dogs can be into eating their own shit, it’s call coprophagia (kop-ruh-fey-jee-uh) and it’s a real thing. So maybe being into your own pee is also a doggy thing.

Screen Shot 2017-10-19 at 7.53.17 PM

“Plus Breath Aid” Well, I should hope so

Now my (and his) first thought would be something medical, like a urinary tract infection, but Chief just finished up a two week course of meds for his diarrhea issues which the vet was certain would knock out any UTI. It couldn’t be that, could it?

The trainer didn’t talk much about what was going on with Chief while he had him save for some cryptic comments about some potty training “setbacks.” I think he was busting his ass trying to potty train the little guy and failing despite endless loads of laundry and baths – he bathed Chief every day and had to wash his bedding multiple times, not to mention dealing with his carpet.


He dropped Chief off with me, spent about 45 minutes going over notes and his progress in other training areas and talked with me about strategies for potty training a dog that appears to love the taste of his own urine and likes to pee on soft things … like bedding, and carpets, and everything.


I like to give Occam’s Razor a chance before going down the BDSM Dog Training road, I collected a urine sample before you could say, “Please let it be something I can fix with antibiotics.”

Fifteen minutes later I got the best bad news ever.


Chief had a scorching urinary tract infection! WOOT! He wasn’t licking his pee because he liked the taste, he was licking at his penis because it felt like fire was coming out of it. Poor baby.

He was peeing on his bed and everywhere all the time because of the UTI.


I am not into watersports, not that there is anything wrong with it

It’s a mystery why the first round of meds stopped working but I essentially dropped a sick little doggy off at the trainer’s house. But dogs being dogs, they rally and play and act normal even when they are sick. And because I was paying him a shitload of money, he was trying his hardest to train Chief and not make it my problem, but because he wasn’t communicating details with me and I didn’t know what was going on, I wasn’t able to take him to the vet … which is usually the first thing I do. And I was out of town.

I don’t blame my trainer, he was GIVING MY DOG MEDS FOR A UTI, why would he think that was what was going on? Once again, a perfect shitstorm foils my plans.


Silly me, I was hoping I could take something hard like potty training and throw a bunch of money at it and make the problem go away. But no. Like everything, I have to be in it 100%


I might pee on your head

However, the good news is that UTIs are very treatable and he got on meds that day. I can tell that by today (36 hours later) he’s feeling better and he hasn’t had an accident in the house. Of course I’m being a total freak and taking him out every 30 seconds but one can never be too careful.

I can tell Chief learned stuff with his trainer, his recall while playing at the park is so much better and he knows a bunch of hand signals. I’m getting a free session once Chief feels better.



Most of all I am so happy to have my little buddy back home. I missed him so much. I took the opportunity to weigh him at the vet.

15 weeks.jpg

I have to be obsessed with something

Basically Chief a small dog now. He has zero puppy fuzz and his legs are lanky and he doesn’t have a big puppy head anymore. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN EVER!


He and Scheissehund is back at the usual antics despite the fact that Chief is now huge.

Dirty Trick

Just so you don’t think I have forgotten my other pets, here are some videos.

This one is of Schiessehund and Loony serenading me before bed. It’s a duet of hostility and aggression, music to my ears.

Here’s Minx playing with the now no longer cool fidget spinners. All things being equal, those gadgets are lucky to experience a second life with the pets.

Schiessehund hasn’t been deterred by Chief’s growth spurt.

I’m so happy to be back to my normal which is having a bed loaded down with fuzzy animals, early morning constitutionals, hanging out with my new dog parent friends, and having my little buddy with me all day.


3 thoughts on “Why Can’t Shit Just Go According To Plan?

    • Thanks! Although since I last wrote his UTI defeated the second round of antibiotics, we went for the third (I had to inject him every day) and that didn’t work either. We are at the vet right now getting a sterile urine sample (straight from the bladder) for a culture. Good lord, poor baby and thank god for pet insurance.

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