Happy birthday Sideboob. Even though it’s your birthday, I feel like I’m the one who has gotten the biggest present.
Monthly Archives: April 2017
The most traumatizing part of the appointment was taking the before pictures. Seriously, I think they may be more disturbing than the barfed up bunny but in the interest of full disclosure, here goes …
Before I show this to you, I just want to put the disclaimer out there that this is the most perfect vagina ever. I’m sure whoever’s it is never had kids.
Sonya isn’t the most spontaneous person I know so I was surprised when she pulled the trigger. Otherwise it would have been another one of those I-really-want-to-do-this-but-never-actually-do kind of thing.
I don’t like hugging. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it but I just don’t feel comfortable doing it … unless I am hugging a person that I know hates hugging more than I do then I hug them extra hard and long because then it turns into an act of aggression which is much more up my alley.
I just woke up from a barrage of tortured dreams that included: Trying to take dictation when I was only capable of remembering the last three words while typing onto an invisible keyboard Finding a teenage girl I was responsible for who kept moving higher and higher in a building with only stairs Talking her […]
Last night Itchy and I were talking about something and I said FTW and he was like, do you know what that means? Of course I do! It means For The Win, duh and he was like, no mom, it means that other word that starts with F … the World. FUCK THE WORLD? Oh shit. […]
We burned through a big stack of money a bunch of drinks while talking about shit I cannot for the life of me remember but I do remember not feeling jealous of Sideboob in France, for once.
Also because it would be tight in there, he wouldn’t be able to move much. And if he started squirming I could Kegel him into submission.
Loony comes home tomorrow and I have managed to make it through the last 10 days without killing any pets or engaging in any relationship extinguishing house projects.