Blood Sucking Vampires and Cannibal Chickens


Here goes another completely aimless post. Sometimes I have something on my mind that simply needs to be put into words, resulting in some serious blog magic, or at least that’s what my dad says and my dad is my Number One Fan.

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I realize that saying my dad thinks I’m really great is holds about as much weight as a letter of recommendation from my mom.

I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad. We’ve had our ups and downs like anyone has, but one of the things I like best about us is that the more he knows about me and me him (and at this point he knows just about everything because he’s read every post and has been privy to the stuff I had to leave out) he still likes me.

It’s cool.

Anyway, it’s snowing and Blue and Scheissehund both want me to stay put for a while so we can be together. Blue’s health isn’t great. He’s had a rash of gastrointestinal issues that don’t seem to be resolving.

First we did a two-week run of antibiotics for a clostridia infection but his diarrhea came back and they found more clostridia in his sample and a little giardia so they treated him again for the clostridia, but this time for three weeks. We sampled him again and the clostridia was gone but now he has a ton of giardia so we did a week of giardia meds and just finished those up but he still has the runs.

I had a sobering talk with our vet who has extensive experience with Danes and it wasn’t very encouraging. We are going to do another round of meds and if that doesn’t work we will look into whether it is lymphoma or irritable bowel. Couple that with his hinky back legs and poor eyesight … it doesn’t look good.

Loony and I knew what we were getting into when we got Blue, we agreed to no heroics. Treating cancer is heroic, anti-dementia drugs are heroic, but his gut? His vet gave me some straight talk and if it’s just a nasty bug we can deal with that, if it’s anything else (and it will be $600 just to get a diagnosis) then we have a tough decision to make.

She told me that the last Dane she had was physically falling apart but still came to her and lay down to receive her lethal injection. It’s fucking brutal.

So I’m sitting here with my dogs and writing because it lets me be with Blue at a time when I honestly don’t know how much time I have left with him.

I need to move past this subject or else I’ll fall apart. Onto things of zero consequence.

I took the boys to the Wild Animal Sanctuary on President’s Day. I’ve been meaning to go forever as it is by all accounts a fantastic place.

We walked the mile-and-a-half elevated skyway and looked at the 20-acre enclosures where the great cats, bears, foxes and wolves lounge in the sun.

I’ve spent more than enough time at zoos with my kids. It is depressing to watch the animals slowly lose their minds. This place was the opposite; the animals felt relaxed and looked comfortable resting in social groups or running across the open spaces. I’ll definitely be back.

Speaking of open spaces, I am so much happier with my chicken operation now that the ladies have room to free range.

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Loving it

We have some problems with the other flock pecking at each other so now when the Silkies go to the Coop du Jour to range during the day, Annabel the Cannibal goes to solitary confinement at the Poulet Rouge until her Pinless Peepers arrive.

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Yes, I will be adding eyeballs to her’s as well

It turns out that when chickens peck at each other it’s considered cannibalism and must be stopped immediately before it spreads. The Pinless Peepers are second only to “beaking” which isn’t an option. The only other option is putting her in the pot.

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Chicken time-out

Itchy has become the de facto chicken wrangler and he takes his job seriously. He enjoys chatting with passers-by about the chickens; he gets his gregariousness from Loony.

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It’s a banner day when you can get all three at once

I’ve been super crafty as I work to perfect the outfit/diaper for Scheissehund. The fur babies love to help me with my endeavors.

I’m still not thrilled with the final outcome, I kind of feel like the design is getting worse –not better – as I tinker with it. But I love the challenge.

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Modeling his bumblebee PJs

I’m also making press molds for my chubby chicken sculptures. It’s the way my brain works. I don’t like making just one of something, I like to go into production.

It’s going to be all Chubby Chickens and Pussy Pots around here. I swear!

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First batch is glazed and ready to fire

Someone said that their little feel look like balls (as in testicles) which is, in my opinion, EVEN BETTER!

And guess what? I was working on a cat butt stamp (the pussy pots are anatomically correct) and realized that MY NAME ALSO LOOKS LIKE A CAT BUTTHOLE!

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See?! ViVi

Speaking of all things pussy, check out my new pussy hat …

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Why yes, the ears do match the Burberry print on Blue’s coat. We’ll have to go for a quick spin.

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Probably my most shared photo. I found this version on the Christian Science Monitor’s “Photo of the Day” site. Imagine if I had been wearing my pussy hat … and not ratty gray sweats? I probably would have gotten a modeling deal.

I love living in a creative town. Boulder isn’t an “art” city. I wish it was but it isn’t but there is a growing movement happening that I hope to be a part of.

I love this street artist …

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He/she goes by SMiLE

He or she stencils portraits all over town anonymously. People feel blessed when they wake up to discover that the mailbox on the corner, or their electrical box, or a bit of their fence has been graced with a picture. The city has wisely decided to leave them all in place.

Dirdy Birdy introduced me to this wonderful cartoonist on Instagram …

I love it. I totally feel like I have been chosen and am affirmed as a human being when Bates deigns to sit within arm’s reach. How do cats do that?

Today as I was walking dogs a big black truck stopped and my friends Hilary and Scott (who have been in the Baja for the last year) jumped out and ran up to hug me.

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Blue had to be physically restrained from eating Scott alive and I got to reconnect with some good friends. The one (and only) bad thing about not being on FB is that I don’t know when people are in town and doing stuff. It’s a small price to pay for staying sane.

The three of us had oysters and Bloody Marys for lunch and made plans to spend Spring Break together in Crested Butte. I’ve never been and I promised the boys we’d go to a big mountain this year.

Our local resort is great because it’s 30 minutes away (and not five hours) but I’d love to show them a real mountain. Plus, Loony will be in Ecuador on a bird watching trip and I promised him that I would not get rid of a ton of shit – like I did last year – so it’s probably better that I get out of town so I’m not tempted.

AND Hilary and Scott are the best people and I’ve missed them so much and they have two great boys and we love to drink and talk shit so I am stooooooked!

Finally, I finished City of Mirrors and loved it. I was so sad when it was over that I decided to get me some more Justin Cronin who – before he became a vampire apocalypse franchise holder – was a Harvard graduate and literary writer.

I decided to dip into his literary work and see if it has the same appeal.

The excerpts are from The Summer Guest which has the title and cover look of a breezy beach read, but it’s not. Cronin meditates heavily on loss and grief and makes it beautiful. Frankly, that was what appealed to me about his vampire trilogy because it certainly wasn’t all that blood-sucking and death.

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It’s snowing sideways outside right now, a welcome relief from the 68 degree spring weather in February. I better get out there and put a curtain up on the Poulet Rouge to keep the ladies dry.

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3 thoughts on “Blood Sucking Vampires and Cannibal Chickens

  1. So sorry to hear about Blue. Basil and I love our dogs like children and it is heart wrenching to see them not doing well. Hopefully Blue will pull it off.
    I love the picture of you bundled up walking your dogs. I don’t notice what you are wearing, I just notice what a great picture it is.

  2. You are a master storyteller – I always look forward to your blog postings (sober or buzzed!) 🙂 Let’s hope this next round of drugs clears up Blue’s issues!

    • Ooh! Master storyteller, I like that! Thank you! Blue seems to be doing better with this last round. I’ve got my fingers crossed but we have taken to sleeping with him just because b

Really? No way.

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