Pajama Jeans: The Good, the Rad and the Fugly


Apparently there are a lot (as in at least 3) people who want to know how I come down on Pajama Jeans.

But first let me torture you with the minutae of my day.

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The day started out damn annoying. Our kitchen pipes froze yesterday which I took as an opportunity to eat cheese and crackers for dinner. My fave. (The boys had pizza).

There was the usual lollygagging around around the bathroom this morning and I decided to take a page from the Bull Durham playbook of life.

Bull Durham is still one of my favorite movies but when I tried to share it with Steven he just didn’t get it. Note to self, don’t share favorite movies with people who are younger than said movie. And are gay and probably don’t give a shit about baseball or man/woman relationship dynamics.

I told the boys that I’m leaving for the gym and they better get themselves fed this morning. Since the kitchen is all fucked up, it will have to be cereal. I also informed them that I wouldn’t be managing their time so they better get on it.

The boys were having a hard time comprehending the lack of a Hollywood breakfast and were trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they couldn’t order up whatever the fuck they felt like eating. At that very second in time.

Breakfast with coffee, rolls, egg, orange juice, muesli and chee

Sometimes there are orchids.

I had to reiterate that there will be no cooking this morning so eat cold cereal and get the fuck to school

Then Loony comes in and is all:

Loony: I think I’ll have an egg.

Itchy: I want an egg, too!

Me: No eggs! No cooking! Don’t mess my kitchen up.

Loony: It’s no big deal, I’ll just scramble some up.

Me: NO! I told them to eat cereal.

Loony: But I don’t want cereal, I want an egg.

Itchy: Me, too.

Me (hissing): I told the boys that they need to be self sufficient today and get their own breakfasts and you are undermining me.

Loony: Look, it’s hard to scramble one egg. I don’t think it can be done. I might as well do Itchy’s, too.

Me: What the hell are you talking about?! I scramble one egg ALL THE TIME!

Itchy: I can make my own eggs if what you want is for me to do it myself.

Me, unable to argue with the logic: Fine (through gritted teeth).

So Itchy burns up some eggs (I told him I’d give him a lesson in how to scramble eggs perfectly tomorrow BECAUSE I’M NOT COOKING WITHOUT RUNNING WATER), I don’t know what Loony ended up doing and it was EVEN MORE work that it would have been if I had just done it myself.

Ooh. I was looking for a perfect “It’s easier to do it myself” meme but I came across this one that I couldn’t resist.

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Then I washed the dishes in the bathroom sink because everyone split. Shocking.

And Naomi died! Naomi was my super fat frog, just incase you are confused. I saw it coming, she was alarmingly fat. No tadpoles for me. Sigh.

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Poor thing.

I was going to hit the gym but by then I was so pissed off that I kinda needed to scream at My Parasitic Twin over many cups of coffee. But no.

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So I worked out instead which presented me with the one bright spot in my day. As much as I didn’t feel like going to the gym, I knew that I would feel much better if I did and I wouldn’t be racked with regret and self-loathing.

I’ve been using the free version of Daily Workouts – a nifty app for my iPhone – and paid the $10 for the full version. Holy cow, what a great app!

 

There are all kinds of workouts that I can customize by time, body area, and type (aka weights, no weights, kettlebells, Pilates, stability ball) and the best part is that I can listen to podcasts while working out.

I like a good workout class but unless it is a choreographed cardio class, I’d rather skip the loud music and lift to Rachel Maddow.

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God I love her, the way she taps her pen on the table and doesn’t always finish the joke, she leaves it hanging … grrrr

Why have a gym membership at all? To guilt me into working out. Plus, I can’t be distracted by the dogs, the kitchen, the pinging computer, etc., when I’m at the gym. And I really like sitting in the hot tub.

As I was getting dressed a really nice lady complimented me on my outfit which is important because I was wearing my Pajama Jeans!

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Real clothes, y’all!

Here’s the review.

Pajama Jeans (as seen on TV) are very comfortable pants. They are not pajamas, they are not jeggings, they are not yoga pants. The fabric actually reminds me of maternity jeans. It’s soft and stretchy but not full-on lycra.

I’ve seen reviews that say the fabric is very thick, too thick to wear in warm weather. I disagree. The fabric is denim-y but softer, not at all like fleece or sweatpants. It also didn’t turn my skin blue like everyone says they do. From the crotch down they look like jeans.

I like the back pocket placement and they are a very cute and comfortable base layer under a long shirt or sweater. The illusion falls apart at the waist, though.

There is a fake zipper (no big deal, it’s nice because it is very flat) and real pockets but it’s a drawstring waist. I hate drawstrings because they dig into my waist. I’m built like a Kleenex box so I have to cinch them down to keep them from falling down. I would have preferred an elastic waist or BETTER YET since these aren’t tucking in jeans, why not one of those suuuuper comfy maternity bands?

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Yaaaassss!

This makes me think that maybe I should look into maternity jeans for women who aren’t pregnant.

Holy shit! I just looked for some on eBay. They are sooo cheap! And hardly used! I’m going to have to explore this option further.

I might go so far as to cannibalize one of these waist bands and sew it into my Pajama Jeans. At the very least I’ll thread some elastic through the band.

The medium fits just fine with me be 5’6 and 143.5 pounds (down from 148 last week WOOT!) If I wanted a more fitted jean I’d probably go down to a small (all the reviews said they run small which is BS) to get the skin tight look. But then I might as well wear jeggings.

The length was great and aside from the waist tie, they are great if you are going for a layered look.

I’m all about flowy sweaters and ponchos. And since the nice lady at the gym loved my look I naturally had to go to the local consignment store and find a few more.

What does it say about me that I’m drawn to clothing by Lane Bryant? Is there such a thing as plus sized styles for medium sized women? Because that’s what I want.

The final analysis on Pajama Jeans is I give them a thumbs up as long as you cover the waist with a top. They actually look great with a shirt over them as they lie very flat. They’d be better with an elastic waist but maybe I could grow an ass to hold them up.

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I bet her jeans don’t fall down. I bet she has to have them custom made, too.

What else is up? Well, I discovered the best thing in the world on Instagram.

I realized that I could search for the hashtags I love best, aka #fatcats #catbelly

Just don’t search for #sluttycats because it’s all this stuff …

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It’s all people! I don’t want people! I want slutty cats!

Here’s a picture of some Great Danes that passed by my house.

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EXCITING!

Aw shit. The kids are about to get home. I better cultivate my inner chill.

 

7 thoughts on “Pajama Jeans: The Good, the Rad and the Fugly

  1. We had a snow day here today. No school, just walks to the beach with the pups. I think your pajama jeans work well. The jeans I love are NYDJ (not your daughters jeans) they are not low, there is stretch both ways and there is something in the front to flatten the tummy and maybe even lift the butt? I am not sure……. but they are very comfortable. I feel like I am wearing tights. I think they sell them at Nordstroms for about $100 but I got mine brand new for $1.50 at a thrift store. Sorry to hear about your frog. I would have left all of the dirty dishes. 🙂

    • Not Your Daughter’s Jeans is another way to say Mom Jeans but hopefully they don’t look like Mom Jeans! I’ll tell Lonny to keep his eyes open for them. I can’t imaging you have any belly to flatten.

  2. Hahaha. I would never wear mom jeans. They are just basic dark wash jeans that my butt doesn’t hang out of when I bend over. I don’t have any belly fat but they are good if you do. Search on line and see what you think

    • Loony said that he sees NYDJ’s all the time and will get some for me. Thanks for the tip. Also, I really wish that you ran a ranch or a farm or business and I’d send my boys out to be your laborers for the summer. I would pay you to put them to work and they’d come back trained. It’s easier to rip on kids that aren’t your own.

  3. I’m one of the people who wanted to know about pajama jeans, but didn’t ask. Thanks for the great review! I learn so much from your posts. And later I find myself narrating my life as if it were being told by you. Makes my life seem much more interesting. 😄

Really? No way.

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