This video is inexplicably missing the dubstep soundtrack which is, and I quote, “Really good dubstep.” Said no one. Ever.

Maybe the Best Blog Post Of All Time …

It had the makings of the best blog ever: me drunk, My Parasitic Twin, a home-grown surgical procedure, video, pain, humiliation, me arriving drunk at Wu’s door begging for free ER treatment … it had it all.

Do I or Don’t I?

I was pretty stoked about this because I just got on a friend’s private message line where they post icky unsolicited dick-pics (as if there is such a thing as a solicited dick-pic) for us to laugh at and I was feeling pretty lame that I didn’t have any of my own to share because I’m old.

Exploding Toilets and Narrowly Averted Disasters

The toilet is a metaphor for my life right now, if you leave out the implied negativity that comes with toilet metaphors.

Inner Queef Report

I don’t know how we got on the subject of queefing but we did and MPT told me that she can queef on command and I was like, YOU BETTER PROVE IT and she was all, NO WAY! so I was like, THEN I DON’T BELIEVE YOU and she was like, YES YOU DO, YOU JUST WANT TO SECRETLY VIDEO ME DOING IT FOR YOUR BLOG and I was like, YES, THAT IS TRUE BUT I DON’T HAVE MY PHONE WITH ME so she agreed to do it.

Hair Envy

My Beautiful Dream Lover spent the weekend with us because Nina and I wanted to climb a mountain before it gets too late and since he just can’t get enough of me dragging him out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning, he came up the night before.