Camping with VagBags

Now that I am home and have attended to the necessary post camping tasks, I can get to blogging about our final summer adventure.

What are said tasks? Here they are in reverse order of importance:

  1. Unload the car
  2. Shower
  3. Clean and repack the gear for next year
  4. Make out with Mr. Bates
  5. Binge watch the final season of Penny Dreadful

One of the best shows I’ve ever seen

I’m going to digress for a minute to talk about Penny Dreadful. First and foremost it had me at Eva Green, one of my favorite actors. She is dark and edgy and nimbly switches from being gorgeous to hideous. She acts her ass off in this series.

Secondly, the RED HOT sex scenes.

And not in a teenager Twilight kind of way but in a filthy, dangerous, disturbing kind of way. And not to spoil things (but maybe I am) there is a scene where two really smoking guys start talking and I’m like, wow, is this a sexual charge I notice? Am I imagining this? Dare I dream? But then the scene gets less ambiguous and the next thing I know these two dudes are going for it and I’m like, BRAVO! NO LESBIAN VAMPIRE BULLSHIT!

And finally, Reeve Carney.


Oh my god. Where did this guy come from?

So yeah, I did all the stuff and here I am blogging about what we did the weekend before school starts.

But a quick shout out to Bina. I could never have taken all these trips without her around to watch the house, manage my Airbnb (no small feat), keep anything/anyone from dying, and make sure that I come home to a house that is clean and ready to live in, unlike some of the disasters I have had to deal with.

I hate coming home to shit like this … but who would?

This time I left this disaster behind …


This is what happens when you leave your deep freezer cracked open and don’t check it for a month

I went to retrieve a pan of frozen cornbread for my camping trip and discovered it just as I was about to leave. Needless to say I had to make more cornbread.

I left Bina with a giant list of crazy, nit-picky projects including this freezer, which she took care of in my absence … with a pick axe. Bina, you are incredible. Thank you!

Okay, now onto the camping.

Alana, who we went to the Tetons with, always reserves a few sites at the Moraine campground in the Rocky Mountain National Park. You have to be way on top of it to get permits there because they fill up fast and you have to do it in February. Fortunately she is on top of just about everything.

alana family

I didn’t get any pictures of Alana and family which is why the Space Needle went camping with us

Most of the people who originally signed up dropped out but I was able to find some last minute takers. My Parasitic Twin wasn’t able to come because her sons’ soccer schedule is ruining her social life and maybe she didn’t want me to blog shit about her again (teehee).

But at least Kori and Dan were able to join us even though they just moved into a new house (that’s old and needs work) and I only gave them 24 hours notice. That’s what I call spontaneity.

I almost got my beautiful dream lover, Steven Retchless, to join us but he backed out at the last minute because he’s preparing for his guest performance at Pole Theater next weekend.


You HAVE TO GO to Pole Theater USA. If last year is any indication of how this year will go, it will be incredible.

The only thing that consoled me in my loss was that Dan and Kori brought their new puppy, Hazel. Perhaps the only being as adorable as Steven.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

She was all pot belly and sleepy eyes

I ordered some LayBags like three months ago, thinking that it would be the perfect solution to our camping/sleeping problems. I got it just in time for our LAST camping trip, and just barely.

I nicknamed it Vagina Bag for obvious reasons.


You cannot tell me this doesn’t look like a vagina

I got one for each kid since they promised to be super easy to inflate. Har.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.28.25 PM

If you watch the video on the website you will see the leaves blowing around. It’s harder to do without a stiff breeze.

I couldn’t fill the damn thing in my house because you have to run with it open in a straight line and really ought to get up to 30mph in order to fill it.

Needless to say my house isn’t big enough for it. But I figured it would be a fun project for the campers. Especially Dan because he loves a challenge.


I thought that maybe there was a trick to filling it up and indeed there is. Run really, really, fast and then put a couple of people on it to distribute the air. Meh.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

Kori gives it a college try

The results were underwhelming. And they don’t hold air well enough to use overnight.

The kids enjoyed sitting in them, though. I’m glad I didn’t open the second one because I’m going to return it.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

Being a bunch of layabouts

The campsite was great, it was in a fairly secluded loop with a big clearing that the kids could battle to death play in.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

They turned everything into weapons. 

We had a shitload of kids with us … perfect.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

Testing the VagBag

While the kids tried to kill each other with frisbees and tennis balls, we adults relaxed.

Sean played football with the kids while Dan refereed from the comfort of the VagBag. I wish I could remember some of the calls he made, they sounded so official but were total BS. Itchy would constantly stop in the middle of the game and be like, “That’s not even a thing!”

RMNP Moraine Park 2016


Sean and I took the kids on a hike while Loony convalesced with Hazel. He twisted his ankle pretty badly hoofing up a mountain and needed to stay off of it. Poor thing.

RMNP Moraine Park 2016

Making out with puppies is hard work.

There was water nearby for the kids to play in.

I feel pretty lame that I didn’t get a group picture, these are the closest shots I got. And I didn’t get a single picture of Alana and Ben which is totally lame of me.

Scheissehund loved camping. I’ve had him about five months now and this is the very first time I’ve let him go off leash. He’s obviously attached to me but I didn’t know if he would do something stupid like run off and get lost.

He was the boss of the campsite, marking the entire perimeter multiple times a day and enjoying living wild and free. He is the best sleeping bag warmer ever.

Dan and I entertained ourselves by sneak watching videos of Roombas smearing dog shit all over the place.

It’s not exactly what normal people do camping but I can’t deny who I am.

We camped for two nights and got good and filthy before returning home. As usual, there was a ton of great food, irreverent conversations, plots to take over the world, puppies and kids. It was the perfect way to close out the summer.


6 thoughts on “Camping with VagBags

  1. hey lady! Is that my friend Kristana in the first picture? I adore her!

    On Mon, Aug 15, 2016 at 12:32 PM, Viviennes Process of Elimination wrote:

    > VivBlogs posted: “Now that I am home and have attended to the necessary > post camping tasks, I can get to blogging about our final summer adventure. > What are said tasks? Here they are in reverse order of importance: Unload > the car Shower Clean and repack the gear for n” >

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