We were in Teton for a total of five days and it was pretty packed with sightseeing. The experience was sort of a hybrid of camping and tourism. We slept outside, cooked over the an open fire, hiked, rode horses, and swam in the lake.
But we also got ice cream, took showers (well, one shower) and did laundry. And we went out to dinner, had pizza for lunch one day, and enjoyed coffee and Boston cream donuts at a fancy lodge.
It wasn’t complete comfort. I had a lame air mattress that slowly deflated over the course of the night. My kids wanted to sleep independently in the hammock but as the week wore on, I found more and more kids in my bed. And because I’m heavier than them, I would wake up with them literally smashed into me.
I looked upon bedtime with fear as each kid eventually gave up on roughing it and ended up in bed with me. Loony bailed out and slept on the camp cot while I suffered with kids. To make matters worse, Scratchy talked in his sleep and woke up every night completely disoriented and needed talking down. And Scheissehund puked on the bed but not because he was stoned.
By the last day I was looking forward to enjoying one last hurrah and then heading home the next morning. We made our kids do some fairly demanding hikes and we were bushed.
On our last morning we decided to go to the lodge for huckleberry pancakes. It’s one of the few places I get reception on my phone and wifi. Upon walking in I got news of a rather urgent Airbnb situation at home.
I swear, I cannot go out of town without shit blowing up and it doesn’t matter how good my manager is (because she’s really great) stuff gets crazy really fast without me there to nip problems in the bud.
I went into major disaster control mode and texted everyone I knew that could help me out on the 4th of July and long story short, I was a complete stress case.
To make matters worse, I brought my computer in and while I was working on it I made a phone call and stood up and paced around while talking. Then I had to stress poop and bee-lined for the bathroom.
The second I left the stall–which was immediately reoccupied by a foreigner–I realized that I didn’t have my computer on me, I didn’t know if I left it in the stall. I knocked on the door but the woman inside didn’t understand english.
I waited and waited for her to come out while completely shitting my pants (actually, no, but only because I already took care of that) and finally she said, NO COMPUTER!
So I ran out frantically looking for my computer like my toddler had disappeared in an amusement park. I ran frantically from counter to counter asking about it when Loony came in an asked what was wrong and I told him and then he said, “Have you checked your backpack? That’s where you usually keep it.”
I forgot I was even wearing one. I slumped against him in relief.
Even though I managed to resolve the issue and I was convinced that everything was okay, my body hadn’t caught up and I felt my heart race and my chest tighten. I know all about panic attacks so while my mind was okay, my body was freaking out. I had no choice but to breathe through it and try to minimize it so my kids didn’t think I was dying.
Despite that, we managed to enjoy our last day, got huckleberry ice cream one last time, packed up the car and went to bed.
After a night of tortured sleep where I ended up curled at the foot of the bed with my hip digging into the ground, we woke up at 5am, put the kids in the car, put away our tent and said goodbye to our very game neighbors.
We just crossed over into Colorado and I’m done with this behemoth writing project.
I’m looking forward to hugging Blue, making out with Mr. Bates, unpacking the car and putting everything away. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and it will all be like a wonderful, fun, magical dream … only with pictures.