Mother of the Week

I say shit and talk about poop a lot in this post. Be warned.

My boys are finally old enough that I don’t have to send them to a ton of day camps this summer. It’s a good thing too because summer camp fees are a bloodletting and most of the time the kids are lukewarm about them.

That’s $800 a week for them to be all …


Between them getting big and having enough homies in the neighborhood to kick around with, and the substantial tax hit I’m taking from my short-term rental, it’s a good time to cut back on expenses.

Now that my rental is legit I am remitting almost $8o0 a month in hotel taxes to the city, and that doesn’t include what I pay in state and federal taxes.


The bullfighter had it coming

I haven’t raised my prices because I’m pretty sure that I’m in the 1% of people who are operating above board and I want to stay competitive, so I’m eating it. I hope enforcement gets on it because I want everyone who runs an STR to charge the tax and put us all on a level playing field.

Without camps I have to mom-up and make sure my kids have an active and fun summer and not spend it entirely in their rooms fucking around on the internet.


Or doing this. (Eat your heart out Nikki)

I read a parenting book that said when you are overwhelmed with your own kids, just invite a few more over and it will make things more manageable.

I was all bitch please. But she was right.

I set up a Facebook page for kids of like ages in the neighborhood so parents can post what they are doing and maybe get a few more kids to join in. Today was the inaugural trip. I got six kids to come with me and My Parasitic Twin to Ceran St. Vrain for a day hike and picnic.


The idea was to do the hike and then picnic and swim.

The sky was a little overcast when we set out around 10am with two cars full of kids. The weather got increasingly more ominous the higher we got and by the time we passed Jamestown it was full-on raining.

We pulled up to the trailhead and MPT rolled down her window to inform me that she was almost out of gas.

Fuck. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

We could see blue sky in the distance so we decided to wait it out. One kid who shall remain unnamed had to poop like a champion and given that there wasn’t a bathroom, he decided the best place to go was right in front of MPT’s car.


One hint, it wasn’t a dog

Then someone stepped in it whilst attempting to bag it up and tracked it into MPT’s brand new car.


What the hell is it with kids anyway? Why are they so fucking oblivious? When you see shit on the ground (that you yourself shat out) maybe you should try not to step in it! Sheesh.

I love the shit out of MPT but she doesn’t handle minor disasters well. She shines when it’s time to scrape me off the floor due to an existential crisis, but being trapped in a car that smells like an outhouse with three kids and a bag of human feces and almost no gas … she got that crazy look in her eyes that made me think, Oh shit.

No pun intended.

I brought sweatshirts for me and the boys but MPT wasn’t dressed quite warmly enough and had this huddled, forced death march look about her.


The hike itself was gorgeous and the kids were great. The sun burned through the clouds and MPT straightened out once she got warm.

We left the poop smell and impending doom of running out of gas for the future. Right then we enjoyed how our kids were running out ahead of us and properly hiking, not just hanging on us and complaining bitterly. It’s why having more kids is easier than less. Sometimes.


Happy hikers

MPT was like, “Why do we have other people’s kids here?” and I was like, “It’s money in the bank. Those bitches owe us now.”

Not really, though. So many other moms take my kids when they are doing fun things like sledding or hiring a sitter. It’s the least I could do.

I planned on letting the kids play around in the fantastic swimming hole but I didn’t factor in that I have only been on this hike late in the summer. The early summer run-off had the creek running at full-on Class 5 rapids, AKA Certain Death if they put so much as a toe in the water.

I decided it would be easier for me to bring food for all the kids so I made them sandwiches out of the back of my car and we picnicked by the rocks. I also brought cookies because I’m cool like that.


Each sandwich was made-t0-order so they wouldn’t be soggy. YOU’RE WELCOME!

MPT’s car said she had 10 miles worth of fuel left so we crossed our fingers that there would be a gas station in tiny ole Jamestown. But I knew there wouldn’t be.

Fortunately there was a dude smoking a cigarette outside the door of the Merc (closed, natch) and he happened to be the city’s lawn mower and had a jerry can of gas in his pick-up and gave her enough to get home.


The kindness of strangers

She still had to contend with the shit smell in her car and when the kid who did it asked if he could ride in my car – to escape the smell – I was all fuck no bitch. Although I didn’t say fuck or bitch.

We dumped dropped off our kids at a friends’ house whose kid we took along, MPT drove straight to the Puddle for a full car detail and now I’m home blogging in my pristine sun room with my animals.


Totally helping

I cannot tell you how glad I am to have My Parasitic Twin in it with me this summer. Together we are going to get through it like motherfucking champs.


Separated at birth, yo

Next week we will hike Mud Lake by Nederland so we can stop in town for ice cream.

7 thoughts on “Mother of the Week

    • Lucky for you, you made good choices and won’t have to deal. However, you have many dogs and you have to handle their shit much more often. We can stand in solidarity to that.

  1. “The majestic Rocky Mountains – all of nature, really – recoil at the sight of young boys entering its springtime bowers.
    So good of you to chaperone, to make up [and pick up] for your creation”.

  2. When my kids were your kids’ ages we used to run a weeklong camp in our neighborhood dubbed Camp Windsong (we live on Windsong Dr.) about 10 kids participated and 2 moms each took charge of 1 day for the week. We were responsible for planning and executing our day and then we had the other 4 days of the week off! It was lots of fun. Excursions included a day at the movies/lunch, mani/pedis (this was a girls’ camp), a train ride into Boston w lunch, bowling, etc.

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