Adventures in Interior Decorating

My book keeper who I love called me today to follow up about setting up a budget. What with the city poised to turn my financial life upside down, I am thinking long and hard about money.

But not this month. Or last month.

I have been so busy with all the projects in my house, Chicky dying, Blue being sick, Bartleby peeing everywhere, constant people coming and going, Loony out of town, etc., that I haven’t had time to think about creating a new budget.

She wanted to talk about it (because I asked her to a while back and haven’t been returning her calls) and I had to level with her.

Me: I don’t have the brain power. I’m too overwhelmed by all my projects to think about a budget.

Kathy: I see all the stuff you are doing on Facebook and it looks amazing. You are putting us all to shame with all the creative things you do. Isn’t it great?

Me: You have no idea how tired I am of all this shit.

Kathy: But won’t you look back and be so happy about it?

Me: Ask me in two weeks.

The beauty of social media is I can leave out the toil, the days without showering or changing my clothes and the creep of the scale, and make myself look like an effortlessly creative powerhouse.

The truth is that I’m miserably slogging through my list of to-do items.

Thank goodness for my friends.


My friends keep me going with texts like this

Never to be outdone …


Chickens and chests? Breasts and beaks? Bantams and boobies?

I am doing many necessary things and lots of not-so-necessary-but-kinda-if-I-want-to-keep-my-reputation-of-being-creative-and-cool.

So here’s what I’m up to.

First is the Pole Room, now to be known as the Drawing Room. Why? Because it sounds cool.

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It was originally a boring shade of off-white.

Ten years of children took a toll on the paint. I was musing out loud about whether I should paint it the same color and Rachel told me that Shawn is great at picking color.

I wisely handed the reigns over to him. He picked bold shades that I never would have thought twice about but he promised me that he would repaint it if I hated it.

He chose a gorgeous color of blue and then went over it with washes of metallic blue and silver. It’s dope.

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Shawn is a genius at paint. While he was at it, he picked out an amazing mural of the ceiling at Versailles that is printed on vinyl wallpaper. And he told me to get a crystal chandelier.

I’m good at doing what I’m told. Sometimes.

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I love how my boring living room transformed into an over-the-top drawing room with ceiling murals and gilt finishes. I dream of lying on the floor with Maddie, Michelle, Dirdy Birdy, Steven and Marion while looking at the ceiling.


The mural is from and the Versailles 5-light chandelier is from

I never liked the light yellow in the dining room so I repainted it in a brick color Shawn picked out (natch) and will eventually have a metallic faux finish on it, too.

This time I painted it myself because I’m out of money.

Note my use of the marital I, which actually means we, which actually means Loony. And the animals helped.

Here’s the dining room.

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Loony helped a bit on these projects, mostly because he was terrified about the mess I was making. He kept calling to see how I was doing and I kept telling him that I was doing fine. He came home at lunch because he was so worried.

I always start off with good intentions when I paint and then I get all fuck it and start slopping paint everywhere just to get it over with.


Can you tell I’ve been painting?

I get the job done but I have my own method. Namely, I wear the same clothes until I’m finished (I went four days in the same outfit) and I count on being able to wash the paint out of my hair.

My renter stopped by to ask a question and he was all, “I see you’ve been painting,” and I was like, “Why? How can you tell? Don’t judge my method!”

The pictures don’t do the dining room justice. Yes it is dark, but it’s cozy and I love it.

Then there’s the window project …

We replaced a lot of windows after the house fire but not all of them. I don’t know what we were thinking.

We’ve been meaning to replace the more important windows in the house (i.e. the ones we like to open and close) and ended up doing six of them because it’s all we could afford. The other ones we sealed up with storm windows and caulk.

I don’t have to do anything with regards to this project but it’s a lot of money and people in and out. And writing the checks is hard. Believe me.

I’m making a set of six place settings (4 pieces each) for Jason and Emily. I’m so honored that they like my work enough to want to actually use them in their home. This is the first batch.


And I replanted my hanging garden …


I think I should be completely done with projects by the end of next week. I cannot wait to sit still for a few days, not that I’m really capable of that.

But I need to get back to regular exercise because I am a grotesquely bloated version of my former self. I sacrificed my body to get these projects done.


I wonder if there is an app that tells you to sit down and put your feet up for a few minutes each hour. It’s like of like the opposite of those Fitbit apps that tell you to get off your fat ass and move.

Soon I can go back to my asinine posts about trying to get my hot young friends to take their clothes off, because that’s how I do.


3 thoughts on “Adventures in Interior Decorating

  1. “I wonder if there is an app that tells you to sit down and put your feet up for a few minutes each hour. It’s like the opposite of those Fitbit apps that tell you to get off your fat ass and move.” I WOULD BUY THIS APP.

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