Kitchen Bitches

I love unabashed perving out. It’s liberating.

Everyone has not-so-wholesome thoughts (whether they will admit it or not) and I love letting my id run wild on the pages of my blog. It’s almost like living two lives.

Almost. After all, I might have eyes for just about everyone, but my heart is only for my man.

This might disappoint some of you (my middle aged friends to whom I am a hero) but the extent of my perversion stops at my overactive imagination, just incase you are feeling moral outrage and are about to Google the age of consent in Colorado.

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It’s 17, FYI.

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling pretty down and wrote this blog entreating My Other Asian Daughter to round up some hot bitches to cook me dinner. Shirtless.

Being the dutiful Asian daughter that she is, she lined up a dinner party just for me.

The timing was good because this weekend I did the whitest thing I’ve ever done … I went to a yoga retreat.

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I was invited to celebrate one of my best friend’s birthday by spending a night at the Shoshoni Yoga Ashram in Rollinsville, just past Eldora. This was perplexing to me because the guest of honor does not do yoga. Ever.

In fact, in the five times she’s been to Shoshoni, she’s only taken one yoga class. But she loves going on hikes, having all her meals provided by the delightful vegetarian kitchen, reading books, and playing games with friends.

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Given that I actually do yoga (as of a year ago) and I like all those other things, I decided to give it a whirl.

I announced my plans on FB and a friend told me to take copious notes because she wants to hear all the “juicy” stories.

Um, is “yoga retreat” code for something else?

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Let’s see. We went on some hikes, played Cranium (which I happen to rule at and you definitely want me on your team), played Set (which is harder than fuck and I vow to master), read some of my book, took a couple yoga classes, drank tea in the sun room and really enjoyed the food.

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Plantain tacos, what? So good!

Anyway, I got back around two and was feeling very relaxed when I remembered that Myjah was coming over with her crew of sexy cooks.

Talk about the perfect end to the perfect weekend.

Believe it or not, the shirtless thing wasn’t my idea. Myjah came up with it to torture me when I bailed out of a belly dancing class.

Have I mentioned that I couldn’t be prouder of her even if she was my own daughter?

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Alex was like, so are any of you ladies going to take off your shirts? We were all …

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Let me think about it … no.

Given that he is shockingly young (BUT OVER 17) I gently educated him on the ways of the world.

“No sweetheart, only you take off your shirt. That’s how objectification works.”

Loony was a good sport and joined in on the fun, giving the guys advice on chopping onions and partaking in what became known as ejaculating dumplings because they explode with juice when you put them in your mouth.

They were delicious, especially with this spicy chili crisp that Chris got really excited about.

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This is the SHIIIIT (shiiiit must be pronounced operatically).

We’ve already planned a trip to the Pacific Ocean Market where we can pick up a bunch of bottles (I got mine from my sister-in-law in Pittsburgh) and have some pho.

Chris (the sexy half-Asian half-Greek) makes me regret not having a daughter because the Asian mother in me would definitely tell her that he, indeed, is the one. He’s 22, a computer engineer, has a great job and owns a house.

He is – as I like to say – the total package.

And the way he lamented over his white chocolate mousse not setting up was completely adorable and panty melting … in a culinary way.

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I prepared a paella (aka the King of Party Food) and we sat down for a great meal.

The boys showed off their food babies.

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Chris’s is bigger than Alex’s

 

What made me happiest about this evening is how it reminded me of Sunday dinners at Marcia’s house when I was a teen. We cooked new things, laughed, and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. It was me and Kristen (ages 13 and 19 respectively) and Marcia in her 50’s.

She provided the space, the groceries, and the opportunity for us forge friendships that are still strong 40 years later.

I am thrilled to see that type of community resurface in my life but now with me as the provider and matriarch. It’s a role I gladly inhabit.

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A kitchen full of love

The conversation was all over the place, from the best movies I’ve seen that were made prior to many of my dinner guests being born, the perils of shampooing too much, bucket lists, travel, dating, trick riding, and white chocolate versus dark chocolate in mousse.

It was a refreshing and delightful evening full of love, laughter, and generosity all around.

And speaking of generous, Myjah brought a special dessert for Scratchy. She asked him what his favorite was and he said lemon meringue pie.

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Can you say happy?

She brought tira mi su for me because she knows that’s what I like best.

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If you are feeling all boo-hoo that you weren’t invited, I posted many photos of the party as it was going on and you know you could have shown up to, um, borrow a cup of sugar.

Carpe diem bitches.

2 thoughts on “Kitchen Bitches

  1. So entertaining, as always, and so you. Even if I don’t comment every time, I do read and thoroughly enjoy each and every post- especially the inappropriate ones:) Keep doing what you do- no one else can do it like you!!

    • I loved your travel blog. While I am so happy you are back, I am sad the adventure is over (for now). I got so much pleasure out of seeing what you and your family was up to as you traveled through Africa. Hopefully we will cross paths soon.

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