I realize this could be an endless list but I’ll front-and-center my self-serving reasons.

When one decides to sneak on down to Colorado Springs to pick up a dog unbeknownst to one’s husband and needs a little company for the four hour round-trip drive, who you gonna call?

Not your friends with kids.

They’ll be all, “Bitch please. I have more important things to do. I have a family.”

But when I put it out there that I would be passive aggressively getting a Chihuahua from a rescue organization without the consent of my husband (which is payback for giving me Zika virus, or as Rachel adorably calls it “Sicka” virus) who says she’ll come along?

Nina.

Tabby wanted to but she had date night or some shit. She’s had a hard week and I know if it weren’t for Matt, she’d be all over it.

Friends without kids are awesome.

I don’t know why everyone is so busy trying to either get their non-kid friends to have kids (because they have waaaay more time for favors) or for non-kid friends to make friends with kids feel bad about their completely irreversible life choices. We are totally useful to each other.

How am I useful to people like Nina? For one I am grateful as fuck for her friendship. Like seriously grateful and it comes out in little ways all over the place. If she thinks she’s paying for a single hotel room in Prague during our next vacation, she is seriously mistaken.

And wisdom. I have so much wisdom to impart.

Anyway, she didn’t want me to do the drive alone because it’s four hours round trip and she wanted to keep me safe. She knows that I’d be trying to take pictures of the little dog while driving and that is no bueno my friend.

Cut to the chase, we arrived at the Petco in Colorado Springs (it’s where the Chihuahua and Small Dog Rescue does their adoption events) and I got to meet the little guy, fill out the paperwork, and take him home.

Meet Bartleby

The drive home was a breeze. He sat in my lap the entire time and we did some much needed bonding.

He’s suuuper slutty. I made it to 3rd base!

The whole drive

Home was more of a shit show. Steph/Penny is still with us and he was fine with her, but he wasn’t having it with Blue.

Blue just wants to play but I can only imagine how terrifying it must be for a tiny dog to get taken from his home, get in a car, enter a new house with kids and a giant dog, etc., etc. It must be so disorienting.

But he slept with me (when he wasn’t menacing Steph/Penny or Bates) and Blue would not stop being all up in his business. Last night ALL THE ANIMALS insisted on sleeping in bed with us. It was bananas.

Today will be better. The kids are at school and he’ll just chill with me. He’s on my lap right now as I blog.

Working hard

He needs work. He’s a late neuter so he’s marking everything and I think he needs to hone his potty skills. I’m going to call the Humane Society today to get him evaluated and start a training program.

More than anything I think he needs time to settle in. He did great on his walk this morning with Blue. He’s a champ, just walking out front like a boss and he didn’t mind walking with the big guy since they were both on a mission.

The kids LOVE him and he even let them hold him. Even Chicky took a while to warm up to the boys. He has the softest fur and a deep bark for such a small dude. I felt complete again walking the big dog and little dog, like I was back to my old, circus side-show self.

Thank you Nina for making sure I didn’t go the way of Death By Selfie last night and to all the people who have supported me and my family.

I can’t wait to introduce Tabby to her new part-time dog.