Vagina Dentata

Bartleby just loves to snuggle up in there for the night. I’ve started doubling up on panties because I think he actually wants to climb up inside my vagina which is CLOSED FOR BUSINESS.

Kitchen Bitches

If you are feeling all boo-hoo that you weren’t invited, I posted many photos of the party as it was going on and you know you could have shown up to, um, borrow a cup of sugar

Nothing Compares 2U

I had a little happy hour wake last night in honor of Prince’s passing. It was a fitting send-off in my own, small never-met-him-never-saw-him-in-concert-living-in-Boulder kind of way. The only kind of party I like to throw is the kind that starts at 3 and ends at 7. It doesn’t matter how drunk loud we get […]

Stress Balls

“Not going to happen Mom,” said scratchy just 30 seconds before the fucking thing exploded all over the floor. The next one exploded at the park so I only had to get the glue and food coloring out of Itchy’s clothes and GOOD NEWS at least it was partly made of out laundry detergent.

Nobody’s Bitch

Bartleby is ridiculously attached to me having spent the entire day doing errands and sitting on my lap. I busted out the baby sling and he’s pleased as punch to hang out in it all day.

Why People With Kids Should Have Friends Without Kids

When one decides to sneak on down to Colorado Springs to pick up a dog unbeknownst to one’s husband and needs a little company for the four hour round-trip drive, who you gonna call?

I Might Have A Concussion

I’m just as likely to be feeling ill due to stress, over exertion, poor sleep and being old. But frankly, having Zika just sounds more exotic than being old and I can leverage something out of Loony if I pin it on him.

Myjah, if you really love me …

I want my life to get back to normal in the worst way. I feel crappy which probably has to do with the tension in the house, all the stuff needs to find a home (like four cases of crap wine), my body hurting from lack of daily yoga and stretching and shitty sleep and GUESS WHAT? Loony is convinced he has Zika virus.

I Slay Garages, Crawlspaces and Basements

Rachel astutely pointed out that if this was going to cause a huge fucking fight, I might as well make it count. I decided to go for the trifecta of purging: the basement and crawlspace, laundry room, and garage.