Anxiety-Fangirl Mashup Dream

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. I had an interaction unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and not in a good way.

I’m not going to elaborate except that I think understand what provoked it as well as the cultural and political differences that fueled the misunderstanding. The attacks on my blog, my humor, implications about my lifestyle (which were false), etc., were unprecedented.

At this point I hope that I was able to give the other party satisfaction and we can put the whole thing behind us.

I spent the latter part of the day shaking it off. Literally. My adrenaline was high and the only thing that helped was to walk around the neighborhood with my dog while talking to my dad (Hi dad!) and My Parasitic Twin.

My other solace was my subconscious; it served up the nicest dream I could possibly imagine.


Shockingly no.

Begin Digression

Yesterday, because the party has come and gone, I changed my cover photo on FB from an ad for the event to a picture taken last summer (and posted last summer) of me in my natural environs.

Everyone totally freaked out. I am sorry I posted an old picture of me nose deep in kittens! There are no kittens at my house or available for adoption. But kitten season is just around the corner …

End of digression.

Anyway, I dreamt I was a guest at Dan Savage’s home. And Terry was there!


Unlike when I saw Dan at one of his live tapings where he was kind of mean to me (which is to be expected because that’s how he rolls when it comes to advice, but he did offer me cake) he was a delightful host.

The dream started with Loony and I doing about a hundred loads of laundry at very crowded laundromat. This is my reality, I do a shitload of laundry but at least I don’t have to go to the coin-op like I did when I was in college.


We finished up our piles of laundry and someone said, “How would you like to meet Dan and Terry?”

I was all, “Are you kidding? They are here?!” and the person was like, “Yes, they live in Boulder.”

Which of course opened up the possibility for a long-term and meaningful friendship with my hero and his beautiful husband.

I guess you have to be me to understand why this is THE BEST DREAM EVER!!%!%#*$$!

I went to his house which was more like a compound out in the country. It was made up of crazy shipping containers and vintage trucks artfully stacked to create a house with a large courtyard.

Dan was so nice and welcoming and it felt like he wanted to be my friend as much as I wanted to be his. At one point we lounged on the couch, our heads close to each other and I said, “You know, I really miss the hey faggot* days of Savage Love.” and he was all, “Me too.”

(*In the early days of Savage Love, Dan insisted that all the letters to him be opened with “Hey Faggot” as a way to take back faggot as a hate term. I swear, it was love at first sight.)

See what’s happening here? My subconscious was all, There there, not everyone is going to like you or approve of you. Especially people who have a different background than you. But the people who matter (Dan Savage, whom I deeply respect) think you are great.  

Total fangirl dream.

He gave me a tour of their strange and cool home, Terry came over to chat and then, out of nowhere, Anthony Kiedis showed up and started flirting with me.


Not my type. Not in a million.

Just to be clear, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM! I’m not a huge Red Hot Chili Peppers fan. I mean, I like some of their songs but I never found any of them remotely attractive because as we all know, I am much more attracted to gay men than rockstars.


Steven Retchless, my love, who I actually know and kinda cuddled with.

And Loony. I love him the most but, like me, he is middle aged and who dreams about middle aged people?

Anyway, Kiedis asked me if I wanted to see his room and he led me down this incredible path that kept going deeper and deeper into the earth, but in a Middle Earth kind of way where it was simply layers of gorgeous, wooded landscapes. It was lush and magical.

He took me into a rundown cottage and proceeded to try to kiss me. I wasn’t into it. The room was squalid, the mattress was bare, I had bad breath, he had bad breath (and teeth) and I wasn’t feeling it. But I didn’t want to make him feel bad (because of thousands of years of sexual oppression and gender programming) so I kept gently rebuffing him.

It wasn’t scary, just strange. Kinda like the other night (for real) a man at the party was hitting on me and as the hostess I didn’t want to make a scene but he was kind of annoying me. He didn’t strike me as dangerous, more like the men who followed me around in Italy.

Persistent but harmless. I think Kiedis was a stand-in for that guy.

Seriously, he danced up on me and then tried to kiss me so I bit him. I swear, sometimes I feel like I can’t win because apparently that interaction was witnessed and is PROOF that I am a swinger which makes me a bad person?

Dan Savage wouldn’t judge me.

Anyway, I’ll take the Dan Savage/Hobbit scenery part of the dream and throw out the sexual menace. Life’s a mixed bag.



3 thoughts on “Anxiety-Fangirl Mashup Dream

  1. We’ve never actually met, but I saw you at the grand opening for Boulder Vertical Fusion and I thought two things: 1) I’d like to be like that woman. She’s beautiful and fierce! and 2) She scares me a little because she seems free and unafraid to try things. And I spend a lot of my life hiding that part of me that is like that because I’m worried people won’t like me.

    So, if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, it may be because they are afraid of their inner selves that want to jump out and try things.

    Just a thought. I follow your blog to live an exciting life vicariously. 🙂 (And to tempt myself to break out and be free more often.) So thank you!

    • What? We live in the same town? Well hell, let’s meet! My Parasitic Twin tells me that people are intimidated by my self-possession (whatever that means) which seems pretty funny to me. Yes, I try new things and get myself into all kinds of crazy situations because I love a good challenge.

      Thank you for the kind words. I just walked with Tabby which further helped me shed some of the negativity from yesterday. You and I should meet, perhaps go for a walk? I love walking.

      • Oh, I would love to meet and go for a walk. But I moved to Tucson and now I’m far away. So we’ll have to be imaginary friends for now.

        But when I come back to visit, I will look you up!

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