Groundhog Day … and other anxieties


I just got back from a lovely vacation in Mexico with my dad and step mother (Hi Dad! Hi MaryAnn, thanks for the great time!)

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Although Scratchy looks miserable, I assure you that he had a great time

This is the second year they’ve treated us to an all-expenses paid family vacation. This is also the second year I have gone on this trip completely stressed out about my livelihood being at the mercy of the illogical overlord: AKA the City of Boulder.

Last year I received on Christmas Eve a cease and desist letter; reading that post is like something out of Groundhog Day, the Bill Murray flick from the 8os.

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Although I spent the entire last year furiously organizing and attempting to work with the city (attempt being the operative word) and although we were able to pass legislation legalizing certain forms of Short Term Rental in Boulder, I discover just before Christmas (when they finally sent out instructions on how to obtain or licenses) that they aren’t sure how my property fits into the current wording of the ordinance and they will have to convene after the new year and let me know.

Let me know whether I still have a job, can pay our expenses, can be with my family, live comfortably, etc. Little, non-stressful things like that.

Happy holidays!

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Oh, and you have to have your license 14 days before January 4th in order to legally list your space, even though I was told they couldn’t get around to meeting until around January 4th.

Does this sound familiar?

Also familiar is me trying my best to understand the law but invariably getting sucked into conversations with people less interested in parsing the legalities and more interested in decrying how It isn’t fair! and It doesn’t make sense! and Who gives the City the right? blah, blah, blah.

I mean, I get it. I feel the exact same way but I have zero tolerance for unproductive conversations right now. Unless what you have to say will get me closer to getting my license, I don’t have the time or the energy to get myself whipped into a frenzy of outrage.

Been there, done that.

So I’ll wait and hope. If things work out for me, that’s great. If they don’t, I’ll figure something else out. I’m going to try to not spend one more ounce of energy on emotions that don’t serve me, such as stressing over things I have no control over.

Unfortunately one of the things I don’t have control over are anxiety dreams but last night I had an oddly optimistic one. Optimism and anxiety dreams are strange bedfellows.

Perhaps because I am considering entering the workforce again those old college dreams are coming back.

I dreamt I had to take a final for a film class with Professor Bruce Kawin. I always got straight A’s in his classes but he was notoriously tough. He was a stickler for dates and exact spelling and you HAD to be in class to hand-copy pages and pages of notes that he painstakingly wrote out on the chalk board.

In my dream I had missed ALL of his classes and hadn’t studied at all. It was time to take the final which constituted 100% of my grade and I needed to graduate (presumably so I could get a job). And, of course, I was throwing the graduation party for everyone in my house (that I lived in with my first husband).

This test was bizarre, part of it involved identifying large trees he had trucked in for the test and writing essays on how they were relevant to the chemical film process and some obscure female director’s oeuvre.

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This was the kind of test where I couldn’t use logic or the process of elimination to get through. I was going to fail it 100%.

Then Nina sat next to me and said, “I got an A+ on this test. And I wrote it. I’ll help you,” and she proceeded to help me cheat my way through the test which, in the dream, didn’t present any moral dilemmas for me as it would in real life. Nor did anyone take any particular notice.

In emotional terms, it is my subconscious telling me that I am not alone.

It’s not a surprise that Nina was in this dream, she helps me with so many things (although she hasn’t been able to figure out why my WordPress is so fucked up). I’m pretty sure that Tabby would save my ass if it came right down to it, too.

I have friends who care about me and support me. They might not be able to help me cheat my way out of my problems (nor is that what I have ever wanted, in any situation but especially this one with the city) but I must stay calm, assess my resources, and always look forward.

In practical, New Year’s Resolution terms it means tightening the belt. This I am 100% okay with.

I’ve enjoyed a rather lavish lifestyle of nice clothes, travel and dining out. I’ve been very generous with friends. I am curious how much money I could save by only eating out once a week, planning meals in a way that don’t require a trip to the store each time, spending more time digging though my closet when I want to wear something that feels fresh rather than perusing the internet, cutting back on travel, and cutting my Audible, Massage Envy, The Joint, etc. memberships.

I imagine that this all adds up to a shocking amount, it might even equal what one of my rentals brings in. I’m sure a call to my book keeper would quickly enlighten/horrify me about what my casual spending amounts to (and thanks for the books and cookies!)

If I could get rid of 10 things a day for a year, I can do this.

I simply need to make it a game or a project. I am eager for what lessons it will bring me in the next year.

I would love to be free of this particular issue with the city once and for all. Perhaps the way out is to need less and to earn money in places the City can’t stick their meddling noses into.

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Is this a New Year’s Resolution? Maybe.

 

Really? No way.

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