Drunk Post, Colorado Style (and career suicide sexts)


It is my solumn vow that I will not proofreed or spellcheck this shit.

I’m back at short term rental nonsense. I said I wouldn’t talk about it anymore and I don’t want to talk about it any fucking more so if you want to know why I’m so fcking pissed off, you can read this. Loony wrote it.

“All dog-on-dog action.” Speaking of something Loony just said.

While I won’t write about it, I dedicate this post to regional politics of socially irrevellevent enclaves of privilege and the petty tyrants that run them.

Because after spending all day on my computer making infographics like this,

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 4.59.33 PM

so I could sell the shit out of a piece-of-shit legislation written almost entirely for one, crazy bitch.

Anywhooo, I’m drunk and getting drunker because i spent all day dealing with STR bullshit when I was just starting to feel like my life wasn’t all toil.

Can I just say that I take serious fucking pride in my blog and it’s really hard to not blog something long with lots of pictures.

Here’s a picture.

That not white one isn't wine. Jus sayin'.

That not white one isn’t wine. Jus sayin’.

I almost (almost) postponed dinner to bang this shit out because I was concerned that a meal might sober me up too much to write an extra high quality but no. Loony opened a bottle of wine so woooooo!

So yah, I’ve been all caught up in politics WHICH I LOVE and doing stuff like this:

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Dammit this is hard.

Anyway, he was pretty fucking psyched. See?

Dang her rack looks amazing. Milk boobies.

Dang her rack looks amazing. Milk boobies.

Damn. I was going to post a video of Scratchy being all delighted by the amazing present I just gave him and i could pretend it’s like that all the time (even though it actually was like that just now) but I cannot figure out how to copy the vidoe anywhere.

Going downhill. Awesome. He was pretty psyched.

Where was I?

CAREEER SUICIDE TEXTS!!!

I am drunk. Yes it is true because I just tried to comment on someone’s Facebook status and it came out like this,

Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 6.25.58 PM

Thatwas like an hour ago.

I told myself that I would put the phone down at 5:30 and resume life and not let this bullshit with the city ruin my life.

BUT IT FOLLOWES ME EVERYWHERE!

I meant to send a picture of Scratchy’s new bed to Perry his cousin who is in college and I accidentally sent to to Svein.

IMG_9839

He’s a colleauge in this sisyphussian struggle so I would have felt bad if I sent him a picture of my books but instead I sent him an inscrutable picture of a bunk bed.

But I managed to make the situation awkward anyway because I definitely belong in a position of authority.

I’ve gotten so many emails today from poople saying, “How did we miss this?” and I’m like, “How did YOU miss this bitch because no one actually put me in charge. I’m not exactly getting paid.

Wooph. My bad.

I did handstands. I even have video of that shit but whoops, I can’t figure out how to get it to go and I just gloated to Nina today about how I won’t call her with a dumbass, age betraying question until I googled that shit first but let’s be real. I am not googling anything today. So no video but imagine this.

A handsome man walks into the field of vision and beckons off screen for a siren. A beauty like wine, better with age. But with a body like Megan Fox. She walks towards him seductively and then drops into the most flat forward fold and busts into a perfect handstand press, toes pointed like fucking diamonds! and she pushes up into the the most perfect and controlled handstand.

“I ain’t never done anything ike that before” she said.

“you are a natural athlete. Gifted in all ways.”

They kiss.

Yes. That is exactly what happened in the video.

Hm. Less pictures the more I write.

So yah, how embarrassing would that have been. Me, all the person to go to when you need anything done, perhaps destined for a high place in provincial government because through trial by fire I truly understand how shit works.

But that is not going to happen. Because this post.

3 thoughts on “Drunk Post, Colorado Style (and career suicide sexts)

    • Is this a Heather I actually know? Not that it matters but I’m always curious. I don’t think it would be very good for me to be drunk that much. But the next time I tie one on (tomorrow) I’ll try to remember to post.

  1. Pingback: FOMO and Crushing Anxiety | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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