Kids are Such Prudes


It’s no secret that I am a big fan of Dan Savage, the sex/relationship advice columnist. I dare say that one out of five of my conversations start with Dan Savage says …

I have been hanging on his every word since he started writing his column over twenty years ago.

He recently started Hump! a touring amateur porn film festival that he personally emcees.

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I’m not such a huge consumer of porn (because really, who needs more than two minutes?) that the idea of an entire evening dedicated to amateur porn is something that would interest me, but I’ve heard him extolling the virtues of the show so many times for how humanizing, funny, evocative, and sensitive it is that hey, why not? AND DAN FUCKING SAVAGE WILL BE THERE!

I try to be GGG, after all.

One of the boys’ instructors (not from school) whom I am friends with on FB and happens to be smoking hot and half my age, just recently got into Savage. He binge listens to his past podcasts and we often comment on each other’s walls about interesting pieces of relationship advice.

So when he said, “Dan Savage is coming to Denver, are you going?” I was all, “Fuck yes!”

“Are you going to bring your husband?”

Eh.

Here’s the thing. I have a hard time taking people to things. I don’t like recommending movies because I worry the entire time if the person sitting next to me is enjoying the movie that I dragged them to. It’s seriously anxiety provoking.

Years ago I insisted that Loony and some friends go to Puppetry of the Penis with me at the Boulder Theater. It was perhaps the more bizarre and awkward evening of entertainment we’ve ever had and I’ve never heard the end of it.

Loony is nothing if not GGG but this evening might be something that only porn aficionados or Dan Savage junkies might enjoy, me being the latter. I don’t want to worry about whether he is bored, weirded out, or contemplating the value of the evening. In other words, I would rather go alone or go with someone who is equally as into being there as I am, come what may.

No pun intended.

So when this hot, young instructor was like, “I have an extra ticket, why don’t you go with me?” I ran across the room, jumped on him and yelled, “It’s a date!”

Then Scratchy (from the foam pit) stood up and all stern like said, “Mom! You’re married!” and I was all, “JUST BECAUSE I’M MARRIED DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T GO TO AN AMATEUR PORN FILM FESTIVAL WITH YOUR HOT INSTRUCTOR!”

Well, I didn’t use those words exactly. I was more like, “There’s nothing wrong with seeing Dan Savage with a friend,” but still. What a prude.

Clearly he doesn’t get it from me.

(Footnote: The boys know about Dan Savage because of a long conversation we had about coping with bullies. Aside from the usual advice, I told them that no matter how bad it feels, bullies move on, everyone grows up, and it gets better. We talk about about Savage’s It Gets Better Project and how it has helped LGBT youth suffering from bullying.)

6 thoughts on “Kids are Such Prudes

  1. Ah hell… I feel like my favorite vice Viv is going to lead me down a new *cough* yeller brick broad of enlightenment (geesh you make me feel like I should live in a double-wide and holler at my passle of youngins that it’s time Fer vittles) wasn’t the last one one of theseveral the first post I read, was it deepak chopra? *gets her googlin’ digits ready* (and i’ve missed you)!

    • What? You don’t listen to Savage? YOU MUST LISTEN TO THE SAVAGE LOVECAST! He’s the best. His advice is not only spot on, he is very smart and at times very funny and he doesn’t suffer fools. I hope you are well.

      • I am! I’ve missed your posts but was so glad you are having a family/friend filled summer! I will see if I can locate Savage right away, I don’t know what I’d do without you to expand my horizons! 😛

        • I blame Apple for my lack of blogging. Getting photos off my phone is a colossal pain in the ass. I need to post more often, it feels good and I love it that you still read me.

        • *cough* remember when your laptop was making you all crazy and you were glamping at the Apple Store? What did you think about then, something like, “gee this isn’t making me near crazy enough, I need to go all in and get the phone too?” *fiddles with her easy as ‘ell Android* :D. And thank you for letting me hang around on the fringes 🙂

Really? No way.

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