Pole Theater USA, Pt 3: My Faves


I realize that Pole Theater was, like, a month ago and this is old news but as usual life gets in the way of blogging.

The first reading of City Council’s draft ordinance was last week and I promised myself that I wouldn’t get caught up in excessive flailing about and gnashing of teeth.

If you want to read about how it went, go to my advocacy site to experience my impotent rage.

Did you read it? Don’t you love how our City Council works? We want your opinion, they said. Tell us your story, they said.

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Pretty much.

Sucks, no? The good news is that AirBnB finally reached out to me and it looks like they might give me a hand with organizing.

And Mr. Bates, though not the slutbag I had hoped for, is warming up to me. Which is good because I need a lot of this.

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He doesn’t like to be held so much as hugged, with his paws on terra firma.

I'm ready for you to pet me.

I’m ready for my massage

But when I come home he actually runs into the kitchen and jumps onto the counter so he can head butt me. I call it Ramming Speed.

0Ci4OEnI take what I can get.

It’s so pretty outside (finally!) and I am less inclined to toil away at my computer. Especially when beautiful gems like this await me on my walks with Blue.

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Another thing standing in my way is the new Photos program that replaced iPhoto. Let’s just say that it isn’t working very well (shocking, I know) and doing anything with my pictures is a complete pain in the ass.

Excuses, excuses. I have to get it done! So here goes, my favorite moments from the Pole Theater USA weekend.

I host pole people at my house because they are fun, and getting to hang out with them and hear about their experiences makes all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and driving well worth my while.

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Sure, there are lots of interesting people out there, but I am particularly drawn to the artistry, athleticism and unique world view that the pole community embodies.

And then there is the attitude.

It’s no surprise that I am always taking pictures of everyone. Kitty’s natural hair is in cornrows and she wears wigs when going out. Except this time.

An unguarded moment

An unguarded moment

After I took this picture she always wore a wig because, and I quote, “That one always has her damn camera out.”

Did she just call me that one?

Oh yes she did.

This last month was one of the wettest springs on record. Just my luck. Fortunately the sun came out long enough for my lovlies to enjoy sunbathing on the roof.

I have a picture of all the ladies topless on my roof but I promised I wouldn’t put it on the internet. Shimmy said she wanted to see my boobs since I got to see all of theirs so I did a little strip tease.

Then Nadia and Steven groped me at the same time which was completely awesome.

It was scientific, they wanted to know if they could “feel the bags” of my implants. Fortunately, no. I tried closing my eyes and pretending that the circumstances were different.

Pole Theater itself was a peak experience, but I’ve already written a lot about that. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the night.

Of course Steven has to get his own gallery because he was the winner and I love him.

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Since the judges were busy teaching workshops, Nina set up a celebrity pole jam so they would have a chance to play and learn from each other.

At this point in the weekend (Sunday) I was dangerously tired, as evidenced by my aimless driving around town.

I stuck around a little bit to watch the pros, they are all magical beings.

I made dinner for everyone after the Pole Jam and got to enjoy one of my favorite things, seeing what happens when you get all these pole people together.

Marlo is the mistress of games. She brought a vintage game she picked up at a garage sale for us to play. “You are going to love this one, Vivienne.”

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It’s called Match Maker or Love Match or something along those lines. It’s kind of a take on Twister wherein two players each wear a little electronic device held on with straps, one device is male and the other is female.

The game keeper (Marlo, natch) spins a wheel that tells each person where on their body they need to attach the device and then have 30 seconds to make the, um, coupling.

Steven got thigh and I got neck.

It’s supposed to buzz when the two pieces line up but it ran out of batteries long ago. Fortunately Steven was there to ref the game between Dalijah and Allison.

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Then we talked Steven into teaching everyone the Showgirls part of his winning routine. Pure, fucking, magic.

Lucky for me Kri showed up to help out so I could enjoy the festivities while she took care of the cleaning. She is my angel.

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She did Steven’s make-up for the show, so she’s his angel, too.

But he’s our angel. Both of us had some mutual fantasizing going on when we learned he was coming to Boulder. It’s not every day to get to touch a unicorn.

I connected both of them pre-show so she could do his make-up and body contouring. We were just a little excited.

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Most everyone left by Monday evening and I was able to catch up on sleep. I don’t think I have been that exhausted since my babies were little. My body soaked up the rest like a dry sponge soaks up water.

Good lord, I’m getting old.

I got to have a couple days with Tracee before she left.

Me and my NY bestie

Me and my NY bestie

I’m used to having her one-on-one and it was hard not having the time for our conversations. I was glad to have her to myself for a bit.

Steven stayed until Friday with plans to hike, bike and take pictures of Boulder with me. Unfortunately the weather wasn’t having it. He had more luck with outdoorsy stuff in Seattle, if you can believe that.

I can’t say enough nice things about Steven. While he is the most fabulous diva on stage, he is simply the sweetest person in “normal” life.

We hung out, had breakfast, Loony took him shopping, and knocked around Boulder but it was a far cry from what I had planned for him. I hope he comes back to I can take him up a 14er.

Nina wanted to shoot Steven in her studio but a double booking kept it from happening. Outside was out of the picture because of the persistent drizzle so Steven talked Dr. Ken into coming over and doing a shoot.

At my house.

Wearing my clothes.

And lingerie.

I have never been so happy in my entire life.

I’m not happy about a 6 foot tall man looking better in my clothes than I do, but if there was ever a man to out-woman me, it’s Steven.

I don’t want to spoil his surprise by showing images from the shoot, but I’m not going to lie, there is a picture of him in my bra and panties that is my iPhone wallpaper. I love him.

I showed it off to some fellow parents at a BBQ because I had to show everyone. Natch, the women were totally into it but this dad was all, “I don’t wanna see that,” in that oh-so-unattractive homophobic way.

Seriously dude, are you afraid you will be disgusted (because you won’t be) or are you afraid you’ll like what you see?

Loony made me fall in love with him all over again by saying to the guy, “Steven looks hot as a man and as a woman. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”

The guy blanched and I swooned.

Steven says his biggest fans are women. Middle aged women. Which puts me right in his demographic because I swear, he is the most gorgeous man and woman I have ever seen and has a heart to match.

If Facebook says it's true, then it's true.

If Facebook says it’s true, then it’s true.

He even read my cards.

Steven, if I was a drop-dead gorgeous, male, 34 year-old entrepreneur/surgeon/investment banker, I would totally make your dreams come true. The works, baby.

You’d have the house, the babies, the comfort, the style, your own clothing line … you’d have it all. And I would proudly walk down the street with you looking like the adonis or fierce glamazon that your heart desired to be at the moment.

Since that’s not going to happen, I’m happy to be your friend and home in Boulder.

That’s it for Pole Theater. For the many followers I picked up during Pole Theater, this is when you can stop reading. I’m going back to posting pictures of ugly ceramics and complaining about City Council.

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