Pole Theater USA, Part 1: Fryelife

A well meaning friend expressed concern for my morose mood, admitting that he preferred my happier days of pole dancing and crap cutting.

Yah, me too.

But GOOD NEWS, I have been very busy with pole dancers and crap cutting so I promise you (all 12!) at least three fun posts.

Why? Because Pole Theater USA came to town.


The Norwegian Nanny, AKA Nina, brought the Pole Theater competition series to the USA in addition to the Colorado Pole Championship which is going on its third year.

Photo used without permission

Photo used without permission

As pole grows as a sport, many competitions seek public acceptance and avoid controversy by having strict dress codes, rules about music and compulsory moves, much like gymnastics.

While I understand and appreciate these types of competitions, it distances pole from its dancerly, and yes, sensual roots which is why I fell in love with pole in the first place.

With Pole Theater there are no compulsory moves, dress codes and musical restrictions. It’s about dance and story telling. It’s brilliant. This is a big enough field for all kinds of competitions.

I’ll go into it more in a later post but suffice to say that Pole Theater is the brainchild of Maddie Sparkle and Michelle Shimmy, two Aussie sisters and has gone international. I believe Pole Theater USA is the 10th location.

Shimmy and Sparkle

Shimmy and Sparkle

While I have stepped away from pole dancing, I still love pole dancers and hosting competitors and judges. Nina assured me that this weekend was going to be everything I have ever wanted.

For four glorious days I hosted Michelle Shimmy, Maddie Sparkle, Natasha Wang, Nadia Shariff and David C. Owen in the penthouse. In addition Tracee Kafer, Kitty Marie, Shaina Cruea and Shane Evans stayed in the main house with me.

Do you remember when I posted this?


The big thing is that Steven Retchless entered the competition with the oh-so-swoonworthy description of his piece, “I just want to be as slutty and glamorous as possible.”

I die.

I have been in love with him since I saw him perform at Pole Expo last year and he is pretty much the Pegacorn of this fangirl’s dreams.

He is both the winged mythical creature AND the Norse blonde with the magnificent rack

He is both the winged mythical creature AND the Norse blonde with the magnificent rack

Hell, they all are.

It was a big – dare I say epic – weekend of hanging out, competition, post-show burrito decompression, field trips and fun that I have to break it down into several posts. This one is the “lifestyle” section.

I call it Fryelife.

I took a zillion pictures (natch) and I think I might have to get a bigger computer to handle all the photos. I’ll let them do the speaking.


The heart of my home and existence is my kitchen. It’s the place I feel most comfortable and it’s the electrical center of my universe. It’s how you enter and leave my world.

Shimmy and Sparkle came in from Iceland and were cursed with 4:30am wakings. They snuck downstairs around 6am to see if anyone was awake and it was the best part of my (and Loony’s) day.

I swear that Loony has been moping around the house in a funk since they left. He keeps saying stuff like, “The house feels so big and empty ever since the girls left.”

I know babe. I know.

The only non-negotiable requirement of staying with me is a love of animals, or at least a tolerance of very stupid ones. With the new crop of chicks (only two survived Chickmageddon) we are up to five animals in-house plus another ten in the coop.

I wanted to win them all over to the Boulder way of life with a weekend of food, fun and outdoors. Unfortunately the weather did not want to cooperate.

A cooperative morning

Kitty Marie arrived first, well before the judges. I took her on as a paying guest before thinking about the possible implications of her being in close quarters with the judges prior to the competition.

Her category and overall amateur division wins were so undisputed that the show avoided controversy.

I only knew Kitty from Instagram after she booked the room, which is to say I didn’t know her at all. She arrived tightly wound and tired from a 36 hour marathon of training, working and dancing.

I was fresh and ready to start lavishing attention on my guests and she tolerated me being completely up in her business with massages and drawing hot baths for her.

What can I say? I’m all about service. And her body is so incredible that I just had to get my hands on her back.

Kitty and me getting ready for a night out.

Kitty and me getting ready for a night out.

I’m glad I had time to get to know her one-on-one because her winning Pole Theater piece was so fierce and raw that I doubt I would have had the nerve to approach her afterwards.

I assure you that she is just as intense in person as she is on stage. She has a master’s degree in criminal justice and is fluent in Japanese having lived in Japan for seven years. She is guarded yet vulnerable, prickly yet warm, intimidating yet affectionate. She has fascinating stories to tell.

I wouldn’t get to meet someone like her if it weren’t for my involvement in pole.

Tracee Kafer, Shaina Cruea and the judges arrived the following days.

Tracee is my friend!

Tracee is my friend!

Professional pole stars live a charmed life where they meet up with their colleagues often and around the world.

If you follow them on Facebook, you will constantly see the same people together but on different continents each time. I’m happy that my home has become one of those places where they meet. Their affection for each other is obvious.

El Niño is responsible for three weeks of almost non-stop rain, a rarity in Boulder. Fortunately it was warm(ish) for part of their stay and I was able to take them on a hike or two and enjoy some fleeting sun.

Why do I love pole people so much? Because they are so weird.

Yes, they are beautiful and I enjoy pretending that I am one of them by association. But it’s more than that. Their travel and life experience makes them interesting to be around. They are constantly pushing themselves to innovate and are accustomed to putting themselves out there and taking big risks. It translates into an unique perspective on life and way of moving through the world.

I enjoy moving through the world with them when they come around.

Yes, we are all together

Yes, we are all together

I put all the judges on the third floor where their luggage could explode and they could sleep as little or as much as they needed.

Loony was a champ. He tolerated the pole dancer sorority house environment of people practicing on the pole, pasties and rhinestones everywhere, and photo dares.  After having coffee with the Aussies each morning, he went to his favorite haunt and fished around for opportunities to lament his trying condition and show off with pictures.

Happening on our porch. Poor Loony.

Happening on our porch. Poor Loony.

Loony was completely smitten with the ladies and even man crushed on Steven. Who can blame him?

It was a weird, giddy, fun, drunken time.


Here’s a video of some of the random things that happened around the house. There is more to come.

5 thoughts on “Pole Theater USA, Part 1: Fryelife

  1. OK!

    That is the most epic post ever. Bad Kitty lived up to all the hype. But best of all was seeing how rich and fun your life is and how you created all of it by being who you are. I’m so incredibly happy for you. And I love the pix of the boys at the kitchen table!
    Love to all–I sure wish I could meet your friends one day.


    p.s. There should be a way to give this post more than 5 stars, and I’m glad you copyrighted your video. You absolutely should also copyright your life. LD

  2. Pingback: Pole Theater USA, Part 2: Competition Faves | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

  3. Pingback: Pole Theatre 2016: Why I Host | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

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