I’m Feeling Kind of Down and Overwhelmed


I walked the dog wearing my one-piece snowsuit and a giant sunhat. Fortunately it was a 5 in the morning so no one saw me looking like an insane bag-lady.

Even when it's snowing, bitches.

Even when it’s snowing, bitches.

While making dinner a friend held a kitchen knife to my throat because he has Harm OCD and listened a radio show that said brandishing weapons is good therapy.

hide-your-knives-american-apparel-unisex-fitted-tee-white-w760h760

One of my middle-aged mom friends is convinced she is going to die of an STI and I can’t make her see sense. I’m all, “Just don’t have sex with the guy who you think has a bunch of STI’s,” and she’s all, “But he’s sooooo sexxxxyyyy.” I don’t have time for this shit.

I had the first truly positive and friendly interaction with my ex-husband in 12 years. My heart feels lighter.

I just picked up several followers and I don’t know why. Good thing I’m rewarding them with this extra high-quality post.

My dog won’t stop trying to “play” with my cat and finally got his nose slashed. Luckily for him we put SoftPaws on his claws. But Blue’s feelings were still hurt.

Claws-out

I am contemplating throwing a fundraiser for my school even if it means potential financial ruin.

A friend of mine is getting so caught up in fantastic revenge plots that I fear she might destroy her community of friends … and family. And I’m scared.

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Tomorrow I try to convince City Council to legalize short-term rentals with virtually no support from the 1000+ AirBnB and VRBO hosts that live in Boulder. (Thank you to those who are helping)

Airbnb

But I found a really great cat litter that doesn’t have any scent.

I just started watched Downton Abbey and realized what I’ve been missing. Now it’s all I want to do.f6d024704b3edc9f23de51096a02c049

I’m feeling hopeless about ever getting rid of this back fat and having anxiety dreams about liposuction.

There is a black Winnebago parked in front of my house with all the windows covered and now I’m having anxiety dreams about Winnebagos.

But the Colorado mountain snowpack is doing great so that’s something to feel good about.

My hat after this morning's walk

My hat after this morning’s walk

I got unfriended on FB for ranting about anti-vaxers which I see as a big win.

AntiVaccineFraud

Scratchy has two play dates this week and he gets to ride the school bus.

I miss Loony and don’t know how to connect. We have worn such deep grooves into our separate routines.

Everyone is sick in this house but me.

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I’m feeling kind of down and overwhelmed.

 

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “I’m Feeling Kind of Down and Overwhelmed

  1. Hi.

    We don’t know each other. I started following your blog because of Vertical Fusion. I met you briefly at the opening of the new studio in Boulder and the first thing I thought when I saw you was, “Wow! I want to be like her. She seems so confident, and she’s strong and beautiful and loving to her friends, and look at the great spread of food she brought! She’s really organized too!” If it helps, that’s what people will see on the outside when you present at City Council.

    I like to read your blog because you are real, and you take chances, and you let others in, and you remind me that my back fat is probably no uglier than your back fat, (and I’m sure yours isn’t even noticeable to everyone around you).

    So anyway, just thanks. And since I’ve read your blog before, I know that you will find solutions to all the above, because you’re an outside the box thinker, and you always do. I know that what you do isn’t easy. But thank you for doing it!

    Kathy

    • Isn’t back fat a bitch? Seriously, do you know if that cold laser treatment works, because I’ve seen Groupons.

      Thanks for your kind words and support. When I start to freak out I try to remind myself that I can get through this, that it will be incredible, that I can make a difference, but it is overwhelming, especially when the dog and cat are standing each other down in my kitchen when I’m trying to cook.

      I’ve looked at your blog a few times, I didn’t realize who it was. I’ll have to visit you again.

  2. more virtual hugs from a total stranger who’s read your whole blog. the blahs suck ass but you’re a total badass for whom things always sort themselves out. hang in there and feel better soon.

    • You’ve read my WHOLE blog? Holy shit … and … THANKS! That’s a mother of a commitment to all my oversharing and stupid pictures. I’m humbled.

      Yes, things will sort themselves out. I’ve been reminding myself all day that the best things I’ve done in my life usually came out of a crazy impulse.

      I’m stupid enough to jump into things with both feet but smart enough to figure out how to make them work.

      I feel better already.

        • it sounds like such a big deal when you say it that way. it’s just that i found this blog shortly after i started a new job and i had a lot of down time so i just kept reading older and older posts until one day… i was back at the beginning. i realized things had gotten weird when i was pre-Blue.

          anyway…

          please keep up with the over sharing and the stupid pics. i live for that shit.

          (and i’m very happy that you’ve FINALLY gotten the big slut cat of your dreams.)

        • hehehe I bet you’ve probably even been to the end of the Internet too, haven’t you, you over achiever you. 😀 Have a happy weekend! (and um, I’ve been stalking Viv for quite a while too…) Maybe we can start a fan club?

        • Pre-Blue, that was a long time ago. I can’t believe I’ve had him for coming on three years now. How is that even possible?

          Timpano is great although he really could be more slutty. He actually tried to scratch my face while I was motor boating him this morning. THE NERVE! Good thing he’s sporting SoftPaws BWA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!

          And it’s not weird that you have been following me so long. Shit, I can’t believe I’ve been doing this for three years. I just wish I knew more about my imaginary friends.

  3. Hi,

    I also have never met you. I do kinda feel like you are my friend though. You crack me up. You are honest. You never piss me off and you have no expectations of me. That pretty much makes you the perfect friend. 🙂 Before you start feeling sorry for me and thinking that I am totally a lonely lost soul, I do have real friends who know I exist; all of those do require more work than you though. 🙂

    Anyway…I love that you are honest about your feelings. My whole family of orientation suffers from depression and are also know for hiding their feelings. I have never heard any of them have the guts to say, “I am feeling down and overwhelmed.” Pretty impressive you put yourself out there.

    I read your previous post on short term rentals. I even watched you speak to the city counsel. In all honesty, I was afraid to watch it. I thought this was the first time you could let me down. 🙂 I have, after all, built you up to be the perfect low maintenance friend you had pretty high standards to maintain. I was afraid you would not sound as smart and put together as I had imagined you were. I wasn’t let down. You had your stuff together and sounded great.

    Sorry, I know I tend to ramble. I just wanted to let you know that I am impressed by you. You are honest, funny, super fit, love your family, put yourself out there, and speak up for yourself. I have no doubt that these troubles that are bogging you down today will be things you will be able to tackle.

    Thanks for your blog,

    April

    • Wow. Thank you for “rambling.” Really. I’ve been blogging for so long (604 posts!) and have gotten so used to putting myself out there that I hardly even think about it anymore. I only know for sure that a handful of people read the stupid stuff I have to say (HI DAD!) and I am floored when a total stranger is interested in my world.

      Thanks for reading and thank you for being my imaginary friend. Sometimes they are easier than the real ones. Do you have a blog? Because i just got an award and part of the criteria for accepting it is that I nominate other bloggers and I need to find some new voices.

      • Nope. I don’t have a blog. I think you kind of need to be a likable person for that and I am kinda a bitch. 🙂

        Good luck tomorrow at your city council meeting. I’ll be rooting for you.

  4. Vivienne,

    Firstly, you are one of the most amazing humans I know. And by being human are imperfect and subject to all of the confusion, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs that make us what we are. Add in interactions with other humans and it’s expected to have ‘off’ times. Know that at the core you are a very generous and good person who is sometimes too down about your own ‘humanness’. The universe returns back what we put out into it so I have faith that this too shall pass and you will come out the other side in splendorous, glittering fashion.

    Secondly, you can’t save everyone. Sometimes things need to just happen, it’s how we grow. Keep being awesome to your animals, family, and those humans who love your blog (you made me learn about harm OCD today, which was actually pretty interesting!). Stay strong in the knowledge that you are appreciated for all you do.

    Don’t know what about this post made me want to rant, but I felt like you needed a big ‘ol cosmic (((hug))). Congrats on the anti-vaxer un-friend 😉 and good luck tomorrow!!

    Christine

    • Harm OCD is very interesting. I have deep sympathy for my friend. I know he would never hurt anyone and to think that he spends his life tortured by thoughts … it’s horrible. So I let him pull a knife on me, just to prove that he had no homicidal thoughts, not really, not when it came down to it.

      I love my strange friends. They are crazy and unique and unpredictable which is why I adore them. And you. Are you coming to cringe? This party was made for you. You can have the guest room with the clown painting at the foot of the bed …

  5. I love you. Best wishes for today. Let me know if you want to have coffee or something and just enjoy some laughs. Nothing more. ❤

  6. I know you will do great tomorrow in your City Council meeting. When you are passionate about something people will not be able to help themselves…. not only will they listen with bated breath, but you will have everyone convinced. It is so odd that you don’t have any support from the other VRBO and AirBnB. Wimps!
    Interesting that you are contemplating doing a fundraiser when you already feel overwhelmed……..hmmmmm
    I started to read your blog and Basil said that the coffee was ready. He could hear me cry out,”Nooooo!” when I read about your friend pulling a knife on you. Luckily you are not me and so when the flight or fight response kicks in you don’t fight(like I would)Now I have to read about Harm OCD.

    • Harm OCD is very interesting. He’s a good friend and I felt so bad for him when I listened to the article, he’s tortured by it. I wasn’t at all worried when he pulled a knife on me, we had just been talking about the therapy. But I did think, “Now this will be a good blog.” Shorter Sean said that he might have had to get all martial arts on him if he had been there. Ha!

  7. Hello. Not really sure how to start but here goes – I have been reading your blog since I read about you in a column by Aimee Heckel in the Daily Camera. I too have read your whole blog because you are one of the most interesting people I have ever come across on the Internet & believe me there’s a whole lotta weird, interesting people out there in cyber space and somehow you stuck out. I so enjoy reading about your life and adventures because as one of the other responders said – you’re REAL! You just put it all out there for anyone to see and I love that – you own your shit and you expect others to do the same. I have to admit that I have felt guilty for not owning up to my voyeuring you before now & I really hope it won’t take away from my guilty pleasures of reading your blog instead of working (which is exactly what I am doing now) I too hope to have a blog someday and please know this: I want to be like you, to be real and put my REAL shit out there for anyone to see. You inspire me & make me feel better about my life and misadventures and I really hope that somehow this makes you feel not so down. Thank you for all that you do and all that you are. mel

    • Hiya Mel! How nice to meet you finally! I don’t mind people voyeuring although I don’t understand it. I mean, I wish I had that kind of restraint. That’s why FB is so evil when it comes to me, I HAVE TO GET INVOLVED!

      But please, don’t feel guilty.

      I came to the conclusion that I would keep blogging even if no one ever read me because when I go back and read something from my random past, I am always surprised at what I happened to have been thinking, or tickled at the choice of words I used. It’s like it was written by another person and is very therapeutic. And it shows me that I made it through something that was once challenging but is now just a distant memory. So it goes.

      Thanks for reading and say hi more often.

  8. I hope things go better soon Viv, though I expect they will as soon as the city council thing is over. That’s the problem with democracy, the lard arses want to languish in the freedom but they want someone else to do the trench work for them. Trust me, I’ve been there. Maybe you and Looney should make sure this Valentine’s is a special one? Knock on the Winnebago and ask them to move 100 feet to the left (or right, pick which neighbor you like least) because they are blocking your killer view, either that or tell them they are really hampering your stalk the neighbor across the street routine. You have new followers because you are funny, and face it, so real. Downtown Abbey, ah my one sinful pleasure, so weird it’s on PBS. Get some sun on your face amongst the snow and breathe deeply, and I hope you feel happier soon!

    • Is it just me, or is it really irritating the way the show starts with “I’m Laura Linney and THIS is Masterpiece.” She’s not even in the show! What gives? It’s not like she’s Dame Judy Dench or anything. She’s an American for chrissakes! (Rant over)

      I just finished season one last night. Loony is way into it, too. Thomas just gave notice (thank god) and O’Brien killed Lady Cora’s baby (she’ll suffer for that) Bates was exonerated (maybe he and Anna will get together) and the war has started. Whew. I’d love to see Lady Mary become a spinster, although I doubt she will, she and Lady Edith are a couple of spoiled brats. But I do feel bad for Lady Edith.

      We are doing another Cringe party for Valentine’s Day. Last year was so much fun that we had to do it again! The Winnebago is no in front of my neighbor’s house and hopefully not weirding her out.

  9. So sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed — all I have to offer: hugs. Oh, and smiles at your posts. Been following for a while but life often drags me away (kicking and screaming, I might add)…

  10. Viv you are awesome and so loved! Hoping for the best for you and the city and all the other life crap that hits us all, ug…hoping to see you soon too, hugs, Eliza

  11. Chin up, bud. This is the worst time of the year for me, maybe it’s the same for you. But this sad story ends with spring. What fine crocus and violets we will have when the last of the snow is gone, and the children’s cabin fever breaks with hot sunlight. I can almost smell the fresh grass after the last frost. You know that smell? It’s just around the corner.

Really? No way.

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