I had to go to Costco because I’m out of a few basics that I use a lot of: chicken stock (the dog insists that we lube his kibble with broth or else he’ll just push it around with his nose and make a huge fucking mess), diced tomatoes (I like to cook Italian) and kitty litter because I now have two cats.
I happened to be on-line with Nina when this happened:
Do you detect a whiff of Nordic superiority?
I’ve never been to Costco (unlike you weak, obese, overfed, will-powerless Americans) so I don’t know what I would need.
And to think she has assimilated into American culture.
Who doesn’t need 20 pounds of cheddar sausage and gallon jug of Nutella. WHO?
So I went alone.
I stocked up on broth and tomatoes (and maybe a giant wheel of cheese but I’ll never tell) and kitty litter.
I’ve only purchased litter at the grocery store and wasn’t quite prepared for how heavy a Costco sized box is.
Holy shit. It looks small but is like picking up an ingot of lead.
So I schlepped my shit to the cashier and the sign says to leave heavy objects in the basket so when the bagger came over I said, “Watch out. That thing is heavier than a black dwarf.”
“So … would you like a box?” he asked.
As my items were rung up I twisted in agony thinking this guy thinks by black dwarf I mean this:
and not this:
I had to say something.
“I actually meant white dwarf. You know, when a star collapses and becomes incredibly dense and heavy despite being very small …
… like that container of litter …
… astronomy …”
Bagger: “Oh, I think I know what you are talking about. I was wondering if you were just being wildly inappropriate.”
Me: “Ha ha! Me? Hahahahaha! Inappropriate? Never.”
That was fun.
Then I went home and unloaded my car, including my kitty litter that weighs as much as a black dwarf … excuse me … a white dwarf, because according to the internet …
… black dwarfs are entirely hypothetical whereas white dwarfs are real and if I had said the kitty litter weighed as much as a white dwarf he might have thought I was an asshole (because I don’t think he was really on the same astronomical wavelength as me but who is?) but not a racist asshole.
But guess what?
Timpano likes the box.
I’d like to add my own before and after photos.
And for my dad and MaryAnn, a really cute picture of Scratchy at the Bad Kitty book signing.