A Resolution I Can Keep

Would you believe me if I told you that this was a randomly generated resolution?


No lie.

Have you heard about cat cafés? They are all the rage in Asia and Europe and they have made it to the states. It’s where you can get a coffee and pet a bunch of friggin’ cats.

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A friend of mine tagged herself at The Denver Cat Company and I was all, “Kids! Get in the car! NOW!”

Yes, I have died and gone to heaven.

They offer drip coffee, hot cocoa, and an assortment of pre-prepared goodies. And there are cats everywhere.

I took an immediate (perhaps a little too eager) shine to Sana Hamelin, the owner.

I don’t know, I just felt like she was the kind of person that I would get along with.

hi i really like you and i think you are super cool do you want to be my friend

hi i really like you and i think you are super cool do you want to be my friend

I asked Sana whether the cats were available for adoption and perhaps because I sensed our sympatico, I answered truthfully when she wanted to know what I was looking for.

“An obese slut.”

“I have just the cat for you!”



I’ll admit that he was a little standoffish, but there were a bazillion cats running around so I can’t blame him.

Like a toddler

Like a toddler

Sana gave him the thumbs up and he’s super fat which turns into …


I posted his pictures on FB and my friend Jen was all over me like white on rice.


Cat cafés are the wave of the future, people.

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Long story short, I got him. I filled out the paperwork, got That Fucking Cat’s carrier and came back. I figured I’d freestyle the introduction to Loony.

It went fine the last time I sprung a cat on him.

Does not fit

Does not fit

I call him Timpano, Timpy for short.


The cat and the Italian dish have a lot in common. They both weigh around 20 pounds, are rotund, are stuffed full of good things, and can satisfy a crowd (read about that later).

I was a little worried about Loony’s reaction. He knows that I’ve been on a mission to get another cat and he was all, “You are an adult and I can’t stop you,” as if he was talking to his teenage daughter heading to a frat party in a miniskirt.

But still.

It went really well.

MicahScratchy once again proves that he is just like his mom.

Tabby reacts to his great weight

Tabby reacts to his great weight

Tabby dropped Chicky off for the weekend and they have agreed to share the couch.


I never miss an opportunity to antagonize Tabby. It’s our language of love.

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It’s general good times and happiness around here. I have finally found true feline satisfaction.

That Fucking Cat isn’t too pleased but I have to admire her chutzpah, staring down the big guy like she did.

I still love the little fucker, even though she hasn’t been pulling her weight around here as far as snuggling goes.

I figure she’ll come to appreciate him the way an aging wife appreciates a young mistress. She’s a little bit pissed off about it but ultimately relieved that he’ll ease her work load.

Timpy doesn’t look like he wants to fight her and he’s not attacking Blue so I think we’ll be fine.

But the most important thing … is he a slut?

Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!

I have never in my life met such a slutty cat. He is everything I have ever wanted in a cat and more. His broad expanse of belly is forever available for me to motorboat.

He will make out in bed for hours. He only wants me to pet him harder, faster. He doesn’t claw my face when I stick it in his tummy. He lets me comb his fur.

And just last night Heather came over to see him and we jumped into the guest bed with Timpy between us and pet the shit out of him for an hour while lamenting our horrific holiday weight gain.

That’s right, I’ve already had a 3-way with him.

At last, my life is complete.

Be prepared to see a lot more stupid pictures like this in the future

Be prepared to see a lot more stupid pictures like this in the future

That’s the big news. I got another cat. And I didn’t have to lie, steal, abduct, go to a breeder, spend a lot of money, call a divorce lawyer, or cross states lines.

I’m feeling pretty good.

Now I need to talk Sana into opening a Boulder Cat Company so I can hang out with her and the cats way more often.

26 thoughts on “A Resolution I Can Keep

  1. He is just gorgeous! Even with all that hair… 😉
    You must take me with you the next time you go to Denver Cat Company!!

  2. This places sounds amazing! I want to go somewhere that has a plethora of cats for me to love on!

  3. Why are you not opening your own “Cat Cafe” -Catapult, Catniption Fit, Caterbury Tails,….. something. I know you’ve got it in you…

    • I would love to but I’m a little gun shy about partnerships. And I don’t know if I could put the hours in, I’m pretty busy these days. I have an extremely demanding cat.

  4. I’m not cat obsessed like you. But I am on paternity leave for 12 weeks starting tomorrow. And that Cat Co place is close to me. We should meet up. Because I’d love to see you. But also to see if I could be a part of you adopting 12 cat in 12 weeks.

    • I was wondering if the Cat Co was close to you, we should meet there (but first at your new place because I’m dying to see it) and please feel free to call me whenever you want, if you are panicking and you don’t want to call Stephanie yet another time. Being a stay-at-home parent is challenging. I’m sure Steph will hook you up but if you want any practical (and not so practical) tips from me, or if you need me to talk you down, just call. You were always there for me when you lived with us and I will always appreciate it.

  5. Hi!

    I’m Annette. I like to awkwardly yell “I read your blog!” at strangers. Sorry to be a creeper- it really did take me a couple of seconds to realize that I don’t know you in real life…

    • That’s awesome! Thank you so much for saying hello. Sometimes I wonder who’s out there reading besides my dad and my SL friends. I am horrific faces so please say hi again when you see me at the gym. By the way, did you like my first reaction? “So you know I have a new cat.” talk about quick reflexes.

      • Will do! I found you a while ago by googling something like “Boulder get rid of stuff” and came across a Daily Camera article about you.

        And yes- beautiful cat!

    • Why thank you! I can’t wait until the fur on his back and cheeks grow out. He was shaved at the shelter because of mats. He will be show-cat quality in a month or two.

      • I have a friend in the Netherlands who has two of that type of cat, they are just stunning, little lions. I knew you’d go into one of those cafes and pick up your cat lady starter kit.

        • I’m not exactly sure what he is. Long hair tabby? Maine Coon? Norwegian Forest? It doesn’t really matter, he’s a handsome mofo and I love him.

          I have a full house right now with Blue, TFC, Chicky and Timpano. I don’t think I could or want to do more pets but I sure am happy to have a place where I can spend a few hours pretending I have a dozen cats.

          Hmmm. That might be a useful marketing tool.

  6. Just got back from LA. Delirious but had to read your blog. I can’t believe you finally got the cat of your dreams! What a beauty.

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