Maximum Productivity

It’s Thursday and I just now am feeling like I’ve caught up from the Thanksgiving holiday, except for blogging about it.

I don’t know why I bother.


Nine days of intense family time at home … good times.

I spent the last few days reveling in Maximum Productivity, that’s what I call getting stuff done without the kids around.

I sat down at my computer and knocked out my list of shit to do.



I turned on some music for about 10 seconds and realized that what I wanted more than anything was to hear nothing. I can’t imagine why.

Yep, that was the scene at my house pretty much all week.

I also took the kids hiking

I also took the kids hiking

I had other kids over as much as possible because it helped diffuse Itchy’s psychological warfare tactics against Scratchy. Yes, it was noisier but at least no one was crying.

Post sleepover breakfast

Post sleepover breakfast

I even took all the kids to Denver to check out the Silk Road exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science.

Naturally my kids enjoyed playing with the magnets at the gift shop and slinging wet sand at the space exhibit way more than taking advantage of a world class interactive exhibit.

You cannot say that I didn’t try.

I caught my reflection in the mirror and mused over how haggard I looked.

I look like a POW

I look like a POW

But all-in-all, it was a good holiday … now that it’s over.

I’m trying really hard to not be such an asshole about Christmas like I was last year. I even attempted to get the tree up early this year which turned out to be somewhat of a disaster.

Ready to do battle with the holidays

Ready to do battle with the holidays

The pre-lit tree that Loony got at the Salvation Army turned out to only be partially lit. He wanted to chuck it and get another one but just about everything in me rebelled at the thought.



After fucking with the little lights for several hours he gave up and strung it with some loose lights and called it good.

I got the kids to "help"

They “helped”

I got the kids to help me decorate it to break up escalating violence at a playdate.

Motherhood fucking rules.

But, nonetheless, the tree is up.

Thanksgiving was great. I had my usual crowd of friends show up for a potluck. This year’s was the best ever.

I made my usual science experiment turkey which has the benefit of being practically foolproof if not completely labor intensive.

All but the last stage which I was too drunk to photograph

All but the last stage which I was too drunk to photograph

I spent the day of Thanksgiving twiddling my thumbs and wishing people would hurry up and arrive so I could start drinking.

I couldn’t help but think how great it would be if the kids were in school because they only have to be home in time for dinner after all. WHY IS THE BREAK SO LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG????


Anyway, I prepped the breasts with brine, wrapped them, baked them at a low temperature over a water bath, plunged them in an ice bath when they reached a certain temperature, smeared them with garlic jam and right around 5:30 when I was good and wasted, I put them into a 450 degree oven to crisp them up.

It smoked a little but I swear everything turned out perfect.

It smoked a little but I swear everything turned out perfect.

I’m going to blame my guests for my intoxication because The Morsel was in charge of wine for the evening which to him meant keeping everyone’s glasses topped off at all times.

I believe the final estimation was that we drank a entire bottle of wine.


Not including the brown liquor.


I put the bird in the oven, set the thermometer, and announced to the room that I am no longer responsible for anything that happens.

“When the thermometer goes off, get the bird out of the oven and onto the table … and put the pies in to warm!”

Granted, the room was full of extremely capable sous chefs but still, it felt like letting go.

Scratchy enjoying some pumpkin pie

Scratchy enjoying some pumpkin pie

Then I sat down with my bottle of wine and proceeded to have the most enjoyable Thanksgiving ever.

Loony's contribution to the feast.

Loony’s contribution to the feast.

The food was great and the turkey was perfect (despite all the shit I was getting for my high temperature finishing technique) and I only burned my hand a little.

We played Cards Against Humanity, got trashed, and I didn’t have to clean my kitchen the next morning.

Thanks babe!

Thanks babe!

I am seriously thankful for that shit because I was not 100% the next day by any means.

Here’s something else I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that my husband is such an incredible person that I feel like I’m off the hook. He volunteers enough for the two of us, at least that’s my reasoning.

He collected all these coats, sorted and laundered them for the homeless. That 450!

He collected all these coats, sorted and laundered them for the homeless. That 450!

I’ll finish off this post with a little picture I found in Scratchy’s backpack. He makes me so proud.


“Cats rool”

I hope you all had a great holiday. Only three more weeks until the next one!

8 thoughts on “Maximum Productivity

  1. Such a fantastic evening! The turkey was delish and the wine was perfect. Thanks to you and your awesome husband for having us over. I love our adopted Thanksgiving family.
    -that tree is so retro and awesome… I am glad you made it work.

    • It was wonderful having you! I want you to be my permanent family forever! I feel like I didn’t get to talk to you very much but I was so happy to have you, Ben and Lex there.

      Just wait until you see what we found to top the x-mas tree. It’s perfect!

  2. Your turkey recipe sounds delicious, I must try it. (the breasts are the only part I eat anyway)When I visit So. Cal. mom and I look for nice coats thrifting, clean them, then donate them to the homeless. But 450!!!! That is so incredible and so impressive. All I can say is WOW. That is a lot of serious good karma.
    I am glad you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

    • That recipe is the best. I don’t know if I amended the brining time. It’s important to purchase an unsalted bird and to only brine it for 10 hours, otherwise it is too salty, but it is foolproof. I actually hate white meat and it was only until I found this recipe did I like it at all. I remove the legs at the same time as the breasts (and get the stock going with the ribcage) and brine the legs, too. I roast those at a high temperature (450 degree) with an internal thermometer. I finish the breasts at the same time. Once the thighs reach 175 it’s all done and perfect. Yes, there’s some effort involved but it’s worth it to have a foolproof, tasty, moist turkey.

  3. Pingback: A Well-Timed Compliment | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply