Time For New Nicknames

My kids were little when I started my blog and at the time it never occurred to me that they would ever be able to read.

For a while I operated under the assumption that I could maintain some semblance of anonymity ON THE INTERNET and assigned pseudonyms to my family members and friends. I didn’t think any of them would actually read my stupid blog.

Anonymous_internet,_Pointless_BarkingI like making up names for people, I get a good cackle out of it and they can be illuminating. Like Loony. It’s so close to his real name but yet so much more fitting.

My case in point. That Fucking Cat is in his shorts. He does this all the time.

I called my boys Scrotus and Testiclese because those were the names I used when I was pregnant.

It got people off my back when they insisted on knowing what I was going to name the babies. I wanted to keep it between me and Loony but some people don’t take no for an answer.

Scrotus and Testiclese usually shut them up.

To be fair, I selected the extremely feminine names of Fallopia, Secretia and Latrina for girls.

Now as the boys are bigger, reading like fiends and have internet access (yes, my site is blocked on their computer) they will eventually come across my blog.

I’m having a panic attack just thinking about it.

I don’t think they will find their nicknames amusing so I’m going to rename them.

For hereon in, my first born child shall be known as Itchy. The youngest shall be Scratchy.


Given their penchant for bickering, I think the names are fitting.

Dad, this should illuminate things for you.

The other reason why I want to change the names is Dan Savage.

I love him so much. He's my sex and relationship guru.

I love him so much. He’s my sex and relationship guru. And I love him.

I am addicted to his podcast and have been reading his column for over 20 years, back when there wasn’t such thing as a podcast and the internet was still a vague concept to the layperson.

I read it in the newspaper.

Yesterday I heard this from Dan:

Scrotum: Weak, timid, shrivels up and when it’s cold and give it tiny thwack and men crumple to the ground in agony.

Pussy: Strong, makes people, awesome!

Don’t be a scrotum!

Seeing as how Savage has successfully coined many terms now in common use such as GGG , Santorum, and Monogamish to name a few, scrotum (or scrote or scro) may become the newest (if not only) non homophobic/misogynistic term of derision out there.

Yes it bags on dudes but whatever, I’m all for equal opportunity bagging but I can’t be calling my boy a scrote.



On another note, you might notice that I have added a picture of Shé (actually Shay) to my left sidebar that links to her business page.

She texted me today that she got an inquiry from a prospective client because of my blog. Woot!

Put a horn on her forehead and she will use her magic on to your home and office

Put a horn on her forehead and she will use her magic on to your home and office

I haven’t made a single cent off of this blog and it tickles me pink to think that someone might.

Shé has done so much for my family. Since she has put us on her regular schedule, I am happier, calmer and not a ball of impotent rage. Naturally, this is good for everyone.

She’s not paying for the advertisement, it’s my way of thanking her by giving her access to my 12 readers!

If you need an organizational unicorn, give Shé a call.



2 thoughts on “Time For New Nicknames

    • Brandbacker is something I looked into briefly as a way to monetize but it requires reviewing products, which is a way of selling stuff. But I don’t want to encourage people to buy crap (especially make-up and body products which is what they hawk) so I never ran with it. I should take it down.

Leave a Reply