Getting It Out of My System


This has been by far the most beautiful fall I can remember in my entire time living in Boulder.

That’s 23 years.

I’ve read 25 Things All Basic White Girls Do In Fall and as a rule, every time I read something like that I try my best to never do those things.

In this case, I don’t have to try very hard, except for number 2.

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I can’t help but take pictures of the turning trees while walking the stupid dog.

That is, when I’m walking him during the day. Otherwise, when he decides he absolutely must walk at 6am it’s looking more like this.

IMG_9722

When I interrupted Tabby for the 100th time during a walk to stop and take a picture of a tree, she scornfully scorned my photo taking proclivities by saying, “I never feel the urge to take photos. What do you even do with them?”

This.

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Now, for that Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. Not.

I’m laid up again. I don’t even know what happened. I walked the dog this morning, was fine, had my gym bag all ready to go and I felt my back tightening up. Within 10 minutes I was on the couch with three ibuprofins in me, an icepack on my back and I just took the last of the muscle relaxants. What the fuck is up with my back?

It makes me angry. I stretch, I do Pilates, I wear sensible shoes. I am very careful. I think it’s time I saw a doctor and had a look at my spine.

Because I can’t keep doing this. This morning the phone rang and I hobbled over to it only to yell at a realtor cold-calling me. I dunno, it really bugs me when people I don’t know call to see if I want to sell my house.

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Like I have just been itching to sell my house but … oh geez … how would I even start looking for a realtor? I have four realtors regularly sending me free ice-cream and 2-for-one lunch deals, just because.

But I was out of line. I got inordinately mad and pissy with someone who was doing, by all accounts, the shittiest of grunt work.

He was like, “Why does this upset you so much?”

Because my back won’t stop hurting and won’t get better.

Because we are in the middle of moving Loony’s business and I am too debilitated to help.

Because I’ve got another house guest showing up for a week and I barely have it in me to be funny, interesting and entertaining for one hour, much less an entire week.

Because my business is slowing down for the winter.

Because the local pole community is self-destructing.

Because, because, because.

If you Google stress and back pain it is no wonder why my back hurts.

stress-causes-back-pain

My life is a soup of stress right now.

But this I know:

  • Loony’s business will get moved to the warehouse because Shé is here and that means
  • I’ll have a guest room again which will help with the houseguest and
  • even though my booking calendar is open for November and December, it will fill up because it always does and
  • the shit going down in the pole community is not my shit and
  • if I can stay out of it, it will shake out eventually.

Part of me wonders if I’m going to have to walk away from pole altogether. Because of the back, because of the drama, because of the stress it generates.

If the stress is contributing to my poor health, then is it worth it?

drama stops

All I know is that I miss not being in pain and I miss pole.

 

17 thoughts on “Getting It Out of My System

  1. I have to admit I took a picture of a tree yesterday.

    I think your first mistake was taking up pole dancing and expecting it to be anything but drama. A bunch of women, scantily clad trying to dance sexy is hardly the place to look for respite.

    Your pottery lab on the other hand is a very wise choice! Until someone loses it in the kiln of course….

  2. I hope you feel better soon Viv! Besides, if the pole vaulting place self destructs, install one in your living room. I’d pay extra for a place to stay that has alcohol AND live entertainment!

    • I dunno. I don’t think it’s entirely fair and casts aspersions on people (because men pole, too) who pole. Yes, some are trying to dance sexy but many are just there to do something challenging and beautiful. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to feel sexy.

      Ultimately I think it is hard for people to get along. Conflict is always a possibility when there is more than one person in the room. The challenge for me is not assuming anyone else’s conflict.

  3. I could easily see you starting up your own studio. For now you could have friends come over and use your pole and then see if it is something you might want. I don’t think alcohol and pole is a great combo if you are prone to back issues. It is like taking a muscle relaxer then doing something that is strenuous.
    As far as people getting along, it seems to me that there is an intimacy in pole dancing. People are showing their vulnerable side. Intimacy and vulnerablitliy are a great combo for hurt feelings and a lot of emotion. Which tends to happen with close friends and family members.(coming from a family of 4 sisters) Unless you are like Basil’s side of the family and everything is very surface.
    I love your tree pictures.
    I think you should try yoga. 🙂

    • Oh good lord. I would never want to own a studio. I’ve seen close up what goes into it. And I really don’t work well on groups, I’ve learned that about myself.

      Your comment about intimacy and vulnerability is very insightful.

  4. Your response reminds me of myself when if comes to garage sales. I love going to them but I would never want to have one.( I have had a couple with friends many years ago and made less than $20) Too much work.

    • I HATE having garage sales. They are SOOO much work and if you make any money, it usually comes from one or two high-ticket items. And people are soooo annoying! I remember one woman wanted to go into my house to try on a 25 cent t-shirt. I was all, “YOLO lady. Take a chance.”

      It’s better to give away stuff to friends who would appreciate something rather than just feeling cheated. Donate the rest and take the write off.

      As for pole, I teach a pretty good beginning/intro class, I’m good at teaching spins, etc., but if I’m going to spend time doing something, I’d rather be learning and improving personally. I love taking classes and goofing around with my peers. I guess teaching isn’t my passion.

  5. LOL with the woman and the $25 t-shirt. I had a small table that goes next to a sofa outside for FREE. This couple spent a long time contemplating whether to take it. I said, “If it doesn’t work put it in front of your house with a free sign….what is there to think about?????”
    I think you would be such a fun pole teacher. You would immediately make people feel comfortable in their own skin.

  6. I’ve had to take a little break from my volunteer work for somewhat similar reasons. Things had gotten a bit too intense and I wasn’t having fun anymore. Sure, I am passionate about it, but if I am not having fun, it isn’t good for my head. It sucks. And rest up – back pain is the worst.

Really? No way.

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