This has been by far the most beautiful fall I can remember in my entire time living in Boulder.
That’s 23 years.
I’ve read 25 Things All Basic White Girls Do In Fall and as a rule, every time I read something like that I try my best to never do those things.
In this case, I don’t have to try very hard, except for number 2.
I can’t help but take pictures of the turning trees while walking the stupid dog.
That is, when I’m walking him during the day. Otherwise, when he decides he absolutely must walk at 6am it’s looking more like this.
When I interrupted Tabby for the 100th time during a walk to stop and take a picture of a tree, she scornfully scorned my photo taking proclivities by saying, “I never feel the urge to take photos. What do you even do with them?”
Now, for that Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. Not.
I’m laid up again. I don’t even know what happened. I walked the dog this morning, was fine, had my gym bag all ready to go and I felt my back tightening up. Within 10 minutes I was on the couch with three ibuprofins in me, an icepack on my back and I just took the last of the muscle relaxants. What the fuck is up with my back?
It makes me angry. I stretch, I do Pilates, I wear sensible shoes. I am very careful. I think it’s time I saw a doctor and had a look at my spine.
Because I can’t keep doing this. This morning the phone rang and I hobbled over to it only to yell at a realtor cold-calling me. I dunno, it really bugs me when people I don’t know call to see if I want to sell my house.
Like I have just been itching to sell my house but … oh geez … how would I even start looking for a realtor? I have four realtors regularly sending me free ice-cream and 2-for-one lunch deals, just because.
But I was out of line. I got inordinately mad and pissy with someone who was doing, by all accounts, the shittiest of grunt work.
He was like, “Why does this upset you so much?”
Because my back won’t stop hurting and won’t get better.
Because we are in the middle of moving Loony’s business and I am too debilitated to help.
Because I’ve got another house guest showing up for a week and I barely have it in me to be funny, interesting and entertaining for one hour, much less an entire week.
Because my business is slowing down for the winter.
Because the local pole community is self-destructing.
Because, because, because.
If you Google stress and back pain it is no wonder why my back hurts.
My life is a soup of stress right now.
But this I know:
- Loony’s business will get moved to the warehouse because Shé is here and that means
- I’ll have a guest room again which will help with the houseguest and
- even though my booking calendar is open for November and December, it will fill up because it always does and
- the shit going down in the pole community is not my shit and
- if I can stay out of it, it will shake out eventually.
Part of me wonders if I’m going to have to walk away from pole altogether. Because of the back, because of the drama, because of the stress it generates.
If the stress is contributing to my poor health, then is it worth it?
All I know is that I miss not being in pain and I miss pole.