Viv: 1 User: 0

After my blog about saying no, JT texted to crow about how good it felt to take a stand. He got volunteered for a lengthy dealio at work and called out the person who took that liberty without asking him first.

He and I support each other in our endeavors to get rid of stuff and live leaner, more accountable lives and this type of throwing down is just what I need to keep me going.

JT, you’d be proud of me today.


About a year ago I was stupid nice enough to take in a person I didn’t know because I felt bad for him.

No, he wasn’t hot.

Even worse, he had a hipster beard but I looked past that because I’m not all superficial and stuff.



He had been traveling/sleeping on couches for a week and had that shell-shocked look of the chronically sleep deprived. Someone staying with me told me about his plight and asked if I had room for him in my house.

Of course I would. I felt for him.


As a parent, I am deeply sympathetic of someone needing a good night’s sleep and a little TLC.

I drove him to my house, I gave him a nice bed in the penthouse with clean sheets and I made breakfast for him (and my other guest) that looked something like this:

This was the actual meal, come to think of it. Delivered to the penthouse.

This was the actual meal, come to think of it. Delivered to the penthouse.

Then I drove him back to the studio …

…  aaaaand I never heard from him again.

I wasn’t expecting a gift or a card or anything … but a text … message … some acknowledgment that I saved his sorry ass from sleeping on the floor of a studio crawling with people, noise, and two bathrooms to share with 25 people.

I’m not a hard person to find. He could have asked anyone at the studio how to contact me and gotten my phone number, but nothing.

Some people.

Or something like that

Or something like that

Imagine my surprise when he friended me on Facebook a year later! At last my stupidity generosity would be acknowledged!

He sent me a private message and I expected that it would be some kind of apology for not thanking me. Instead I got this.

Screen Shot 2014-10-01 at 3.19.03 PM

I am without speech.


Not, “You were kind enough to host me and THANK YOU,” or “Sorry I did not reach out sooner TO THANK YOU.”


All I got was, Can you put me up again. This weekend.

Old me would have considered it, probably would have done it and then gotten all bitter and disappointed in humanity, yet again. But now that I am a badass NO machine I said,

Screen Shot 2014-10-01 at 3.19.46 PMI guess I could have just said NO and maybe given him a piece of my mind … JJ, I’m sure you have suggestions.

I unfriended him immediately because clearly he only established a connection with me so he could make use of my hospitality again. Who needs friends like that, especially when I have so many friends that I truly enjoy hosting and spending time with.

Tabby, JJ, JT, NN are you proud of me? It doesn’t matter if you are, because I’m proud of me.



18 thoughts on “Viv: 1 User: 0

  1. Well done! I’m learning (no, trying to learn) to say “No, Thank You.” and leave it at that. I have a hard time leaving it at that though. I always feel like I have to explain.

    So good on you!

    • He just responded with, “I thought that might be the case but thanks anyway.” I don’t think “thanks anyway” counts. Do you? This guy has children! I sincerely hope he raises them better than he was.

  2. Go Vivienne……Yahooo…….Although I am not a pushover I would not feel comfortable telling a contemporary “No” without some reason. No I don’t have to explain myself, but it is nicer to do so.
    I had a friend said,” No” to me when I asked her if I could put a door(for my house) in her SUV. I even said to her, “Just no? That’s it?” She did not feel the need to explain even though I was(operative word) her closet friend. I ended up carrying the solid wood door home about 1/2 mi. I would not just say no (to a contemporary)without explaining because I wouldn’t do something to someone that I wouldn’t want them to do to me. I am off to kickboxing. Keep up the good work!

    • Yes, if it is a friend you probably should give an answer. Despite our recent “friend” status on FB, I don’t consider this guy to be a friend. And honestly, it’s not my job to educate him on manners. I’m sure he can figure it out if he thinks about it long enough.

  3. I think clarifying whether someone is a friend is a good point. She was a very good friend. That is why it was so inappropriate. But random contemporaries that you don’t have a relationship with can just have a ‘No”.
    I was at the laundromat several weeks ago for a huge dog bedding load. I was getting ready to get started and this women said, ” Can’t do it.” In this redneck voice. I said, “Who are you?” she was the manager.(It was borderline whether I would be done by 9:00 pm) Who even knew there are mangers at laundromats…ahahh I told her I was not using the dryer…she kept saying in this incredibly annoying tone, “Can’t do it”……So I had to schelp all the smelly blankets back in the car. When I told Basil we were both laughing so hard. Now it is a joke. We use the hick voice and say “Can’t do it”

  4. You forgot to ask Cao, but dam girl! I wish I had your grits. I rented out my condo a couple of times over the summer. I do it to defray the cost of the taxes and this year I put in a new kitchen. Never again. .. i think the rental agency rented it to the set of “Girls Gone Wild”…. 3 new windows (someone was apparently thrown thru it) and 4 sets of blinds later (what exactly is so difficult about working a blind?) I actually lost over a thousand dollars.. i think next summer I will just tell them to contact my friend Viv about renting my condo.. 😀

    • That’s horrible! I’ve never had a problem like that but that’s probably because I live on-site and my renters know it before they book. Anyone looking to whoop it up knows that this isn’t the place for them. Having the ginormous dog doesn’t hurt either.

  5. I’m a big fan of “NO”. I think it is from being the oldest in a large family. I have a sister that can’t get that word out of her mouth and it was so annoying to me. Now, I don’t let it bother me and laugh at her when she tells me about what a bad time she had at some shower (bridal, baby) she couldn’t say no to. Some people don’t even ask me anymore. Makes it easier for them. I love “NO” or “why would you even ask me that?”

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