Happy Father’s Day 2014


Today, Father’s Day, I got definitive proof that Scrotus is beyond the shadow of a doubt my child.

Just a few days ago I got proof that Testiclese is my son, so it is opportune that his brother’s legitimacy should be validated so soon.

After my Mother’s Day disaster, I have been trying to make an effort to acknowledge holidays. Although I admit, to my deep chagrin, that we missed Grandma Mac’s birthday.

My ineptitude at remembering birthdays is in no way a reflection of how much I love, admire and appreciate you.

My ineptitude at remembering birthdays is in no way a reflection of how much I love, admire and appreciate you.

I need to set my calendar to remind me about her birthday a week in advance.

I instructed the boys to make a card for their dad to go along with the bottle of Balvenie I picked up on the way home from the pool yesterday.

I mean, what says Father’s Day more than a big bottle of 43 proof booze?

We wrote this out in sugar and Splenda (my dad's favorite) and texted it to him. Winning!

We wrote this out in sugar and Splenda (my dad’s favorite) and texted it to him. Winning!

Testiclese came up with a standard issue handmade card and Scrotus presented him with this …

photo 1

Um …

Me: Where did you get that card?

Scrotus: In your card drawer.

Me: It’s not a Father’s Day card.

Scrotus: It’s okay, I crossed out the Happy Birthday.

I almost told him to find another card because this one wasn’t appropriate, but then I thought, heck, this is much more interesting. And much more Fryelike.

photo 2

That clears everything up

I have a box of all purpose cards in my office, mostly the freebies I get in the mail and the odd vintage card Loony picks up at garage sales.

And then there’s this one.

I bought it a few years ago for Loony’s birthday but I didn’t have the heart to give it to him so it went into the box. And of the 200+ cards in there, my son picks out this one.

I was musing with Lemony about it.

This is a picture of her boobs which is pretty much all I saw of her last night.

This is a picture of her boobs which is pretty much all I saw of her last night. Does that help illustrate the conversation? You’re welcome.

Me: Why would he pick that card?

Lemony (and her husband, in unison): Because he’s your son.

That he is.

He’s also this guy’s son …

10367148_257301887803169_5844659043185881757_n

We snuck into the bedroom this morning with the Scotch, a cup of coffee and cards in hand. Loony majestically feigned sleep so we could wake him up to present the generous booty.

As I had hoped, he got a good laugh out of Scrotus’s card.

This family loves a good laugh and inappropriate use of language and all things embarrassing.

Speaking of inappropriate, I had another pole party last night.

Frankly, I’m too tired (but not hung over!) to do it justice. But I did try to restrain myself from attacking Nadia Shariff.

Oops, I did it again.

Oops, I did it again.

It was a fun party and I have tons of video of Marlo torturing people’s feet and Moneypenny, hilariously drunk, and Nadia teaching us the butt bounce, but it will have to wait.

Well, maybe a little teaser …

Since Nina was there, I don’t feel as much urgency to post about the party because I am largely motivated by my desire to please her. And make her jealous.

Speaking of jealous …

10441906_257003287833029_3768162468882373654_n

We didn’t get Marlo to take her shirt off, but she did touch her boob.

Baby steps.

I have to go clean some toilets now.

Happy Father’s Day everyone (Dad!)

4 thoughts on “Happy Father’s Day 2014

  1. The Spelnda and shugar card did it. (Along with the cleve shot for FD.)
    I admit defeat! You WON this Father’s day.!

    Reflecting on what a joy it’s been for me to be your Father all these years. In this case, I WON!

    Love always,

    D

  2. Happy Father’s Day to Lonny! Best Father’s Day card ever. 🙂 Spicy eggplant Parmesan is on the list for dinner.

Really? No way.

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