I Slapped Nadia Shariff and Am Very, Very Sorry


I have to get this blog done tout suite because I’m feeling more than a little guilty about being such a lush and probably should try to better the world in some way …

… as soon as I post about last night’s tequila party.

Hangover cure

Hangover cure

As you know, Marlo Fisken, David C. Owen, and Nadia Shariff are in town to train and I generally try to stay out of their way.

However, I take lots of pictures of them. Like this one where Marlo is modeling Loony's Crocs.

However, I take lots of pictures of them. Like this one where Marlo is modeling Loony’s Crocs.

I mean, I don’t want them to feel like they have to sing for their supper but who am I kidding?

I totally want them to sing! Actually, dance BUT THEY NEVER DO!

They will smooch the dog

They will smooch the dog

I swear, it would be easier to get a room full of middle aged moms to pole dance than a bunch of professional pole dancers.

But whatever, I try to keep my general enthusiasm in check out of respect for their need to not always be on stage.

But then something happens. Something like this.

Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 7.30.15 AM

Lemony wanted to come over for happy hour and I happen to love it when people invite themselves over to my house. No joke. I like it.

Their kids are with the grandparents so they are living large

Their kids are with the grandparents so they are living large

Deferring to my guests, I asked Nadia what her beverage of choice is and she said that she isn’t drinking tequila anymore because it makes her loud and obnoxious.

Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 7.33.56 AM

Of course, I chucked her wishes right out the window because I saw before me a great opportunity.

Screen Shot 2014-06-13 at 7.33.36 AM

Here we go.

Nadia and David are super tired from all the training they’ve been doing so I thought a low-key evening at home would be a good idea. With tequila.

IMG_9058

Nadia is such a good sport. She’ll smile for any picture and pose with anything I give her. Like this breast mug. We have a matched set.

IMG_9026Indeed, everyone had to have a go at the mug …

ken

Yep, that’s Dr. Ken, Pole Ninja (AKA DKPN) stepping out of his comfort zone …

IMG_9127

… and Joe

Did I mention it had tequila in it?

Nadia approached the tequila with hesitation because she said the last time she drank it, a friend of hers was being all obnoxious and to stave off a larger confrontation, she went ahead and slapped her just to prove to the larger crowd that it “was handled.”

That slapping thing kind of stuck in my head. As did this …

But it was the slapping thing that really cracked me up and I’m not sure exactly what precipitated it (except for a lot of tequila), but I kind of jumped on Nadia when she was on the floor and slapped her (ON THE FACE!) and then tried to get her to wrestle me.

Let’s just say that she wasn’t into it.

It was some kind of inappropriate show of bravado but I fear it might not have gone over well.

IMG_9154Nadia, please accept my deepest apologies for sitting on your chest and slapping you. I’m going to blame the tequila.

Perhaps you can see it in your heart to forgive me (if you even remember) and take comfort in knowing that at least you aren’t the one who has to apologize.

Fuck.

Moving right along, I also got it in my head that I was going to see me some boobies.

Nadia and Lemony were happy to oblige …

IMG_9134… but Marlo? She is a very controlled and self-possessed person.

I guess having international fame and a professional reputation to protect might contribute to her reticence, but man, she does not cave to peer pressure.

I won’t repeat what Nadia called her in an effort to get her to take her shirt off. Marlo didn’t even consider it, not for a second.

In fact, she responds to taunts by becoming beatific. Like in this picture where I’m rubbing up against her (geez, I’m sorry about that Marlo)

She looks like a nun

She looks like a nun with guns

… but she did throw us a little, tiny bone.

Since we were on the topic of human tricks, I brought Loony out to impress the crowd.

I also brought out the Spirit Stick which I have to emphasize that I DID NOT BUY. This is a garage sale find.

I’ve always wondered what David is like when he drinks and I was a little disappointed to find that he is pretty much exactly like he is all other times. Measured, articulate, careful about his words.

Snore.

IMG_9064He is extremely into partner stretching, though. After that day’s conditioning and flexibility class with Marlo, he might have been feeling the need to give her a taste of her own medicine.

 

Slapping Nadia aside, and rubbing my boobs on Marlo, and taking my shirt off and doing headstands, and loudly demanding that Ken take his pants off and dance goddammit (wait, that was Joe) it was a lovely evening.

IMG_9144I can’t believe I’m not more hung over.

Lemony called me before I went to bed to shriek in my ear about slapping Nadia and being “one crazy bitch.”

I’m coming to terms with the fact that although Lemony talks all crazy, I’m actually the nuts one. I’m Laverne and she’s Shirley! Who knew?

She was all, “You better call me first thing in the morning.” Which I did when I woke up at 6AM to walk the stupid dog and clean the kitchen.

But she didn’t answer. Quelle bonne surprise.

“I am dying to know what you will be thinking in the morning.”

Well, now you know.

(Nadia, I’m REALLY sorry I slapped you)

 

 

 

 

17 thoughts on “I Slapped Nadia Shariff and Am Very, Very Sorry

  1. I so could have put up with feeling like shit in order to witness this! Oh well, a night on the couch did me good and I’m now all ready for tomorrow! Unless something’s happening tonight, in which case I’m all ready for that too 😀

    • You were missed. And you should have known better. I’m not sure what’s on tap tonight. No tequila for goodness sake! I’ll be cooking for tomorrow’s shindig but I’ll let you know if something starts up.

  2. “I can’t believe I’m not more hung over.” the mantra of the well-conditioned drinker. You guys sure do it up right @ your house. All other concerns aside, I have to say that these “drunk posts,” or post-drunk posts, are about the most energetic and funniest things you write. Sounds like a great party: ” I also got it in my head that I was going to see me some boobies!” Sorry I missed it. One of these times…(p.s. would the hangover cure shown there be bean-&-cheese burritos? I’m feeling a little hung over myself 🙂

    • Green chili, potato and egg burritos usually take the edge off. Or, my personal fave, cheese enchiladas with a side of rice. Mmm.

      I am otherwise a very healthy eater, subsisting on greens, fresh fruit and raw nuts. But on a hangover day, I have to completely grease and carb out. My stomach needs serious gravity to get over it.

      But I wasn’t that hung over, just damn tired. I spent the day in purgatory going to Costco and prepping to today’s (Sunday) party. Cooking. All. Day. I managed to get a nap in under my sunhat while the kids swam at the neighborhood pool.

      Ahhh, life is good. And yes, drunk posts are by far the most fun and energetic. Not sure why, I’m just giving the play by play. I did it to torture Nina who claimed exhaustion and bailed on me. That’ll show her.

      PS: I did see Nadia’s boobs. Check out some of her videos (especially Nadia and Mina doubles routines) and you will see why I’m so starstruck. She is hilarious, she speaks in her own language.

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