Birthday Party, Pole Dance Style

… it’s not at all what you’d expect.

Marlo Fisken is spending a month in Boulder teaching, training and generally knocking around town. It’s not a bad way to spend your June.

Marlo is like the Pied Piper of pole dancers, wherever she goes, more pole artists arrive.

A couple of her colleagues from Body and Pole in NYC came to celebrate her birthday with her.

Birthday party, Marlo style.

Birthday party, Marlo style.

I had some guests on the third floor visiting from Kansas. Usually I barely meet my short term guests. There are simply too many of them to get to know anyone well, or to even bother trying. But these folks actually sought us out.

I’m always game for making conversation.

They had an interesting story; they were both raised strict Baptist in a small town. They weren’t allowed to watch TV, listen to the radio or read non-religious books.

A few years back they broke with the church and are now on a quest to discover how everyone else lives. As in, how does one obtain a bottle of wine? What is it like to smoke marijuana?

My advice was, “For god’s sake, DO NOT SMOKE AN ENTIRE JOINT!”

Which is why they are in Boulder, I guess.

I didn’t have the heart to tell them that Boulder, this house in Boulder, isn’t exactly a representative cross-section of how people normally live.

Marlo and her posse were just leaving the house as the couple were returning and the husband asked me if they had anything to do with the sign I have on my car for the studio.


Too much?

As a matter of fact, they do.

I briefly filled him in on who they were and that we just had a birthday party.

“Well we sure did miss out!”

I didn’t want to break it to him that even if he had been around, he would not have been invited to the party.

Honestly, had I not been throwing the party, I doubt I would have been invited myself. I’m feeling like the dorky kid in class that the cool kids are only nice to because they want to copy my homework.

I’m pretty sure they tolerate me only because I can cook like a mo-fo. Whatever, it’s worth it.

Hey! Can I come to your party? Sure! I can cook everything! No problem!

Hey! Can I come to your party? Sure! I can cook everything! All organic, gluten free? No problem! It’s Boulder, I totally know how to do that!

“How do pole dancers party, anyway?” he asked, getting kind of excited.

“Well, it’s extremely athletic.” I could tell his mind was going places with this.


This is not what you think

Marlo is basing Ken and Ariel is … helping? But not really because it ended like this.


All I can say about these parties are strange and weird and completely fun. I cooked up about a 100 pounds of meat and kale and worried that I had perhaps overdone it but THEY PUT IT ALL AWAY!

We were kind of factioned off into our familiar social circles until I brought out the cheesecake that Marlo’s assistant insisted was her favorite because what Marlo wants, Marlo gets.

Dr. Ken liked the cheesecake, too, although he kept glaring at me while he ate it.


Why is he looking at me like that? Does it have anything to do with the gluten meltdown he had in the morning? Because I had nothing to do with it.

Then he asked if he could pay me make one for him and I was all, “What are you going to do? Eat it all at once? That’s weird.”

After the cake came out, everyone warmed up considerably.


Yay! We’re all in the same room and talking! It was also Lemony’s husband’s birthday.

People even lightened up enough to start doing impressions of each other.

Lemony and Marlo, spot on

Lemony and Marlo, spot on

The previous night was a Vertical Fusion showcase where Twerkasaurus did a tribute piece to Magic Mike. It was the dirtiest, most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen at a showcase and I felt myself falling more in love with her.

Anyway, a mutual friend of ours completely freaks out whenever anything remotely sexy happens around him, which is made all the more mystifying because he hangs out in pole studios.

If he can’t flee, he pretends to smile and watch but really his eyes are closed while he has a frozen grin on his face.

It makes us want to torment him more … like when he fell asleep on the couch and someone may or may not have done a very suggestive dance, if not on him, but pretty darn close to him so as to not wake him up.

I digress.

You can’t come to my house without meeting our chickens so Scrotus gave the ladies a tour of the ladies.

Then we did very sexy, pole dancer things on the porch like  seeing who has the longest arms.

Marlo, who has a degree in Anthropology, broke down the equation for discovering your ape index.

Marlo, who has a degree in Anthropology, broke down the equation for discovering your ape index.

Pretty much anything they do is interesting to me so naturally I had to take pictures of everything which makes me that strange person that people just kind of tolerate.

So did Dr. Ken

I wasn’t the only person who thought they were fascinating

The we moved the party inside where Marlo sat on the couch and proceeded to order everyone around.

She knows the best party games, all involving using your body. To be clear, her party games (that I’ve been privy to) would be appropriate for a children’s party. I mean, the tone changes a bit when uninhibited adults play, but still. (Sorry dude upstairs.)

My favorite was a partner game where you and your partner have to find creative ways to only let the body parts she specifies touch the floor. To strange music.

For instance, between me and Ken (my partner, natch) only one head, a foot, a knee and two hands can touch the floor.

We had two teams going and whoever lost (i.e. wasn’t able to do it or weren’t as interesting about it) got shot with Nerf guns, firing squad style.

Since I have about 20 Nerf guns, it turned into a very close-range war for about 30 minutes. As in we shot each other while sitting on the couches.

Then I dressed Rian and Allison in my 80’s workout gear and they led us in an extremely close quarters competitive aerobics workout.

Those shorts are for sale one eBay, FYI

Those shorts are for sale one eBay, FYI

Eventually it got way too hot in the house and we had to go back outside where the randomness continued with less athletic pursuits, like creating tableau vivants of the porch art.

IMG_8432Creepy, right? My direction for Marlo was to make her eyes more dead. Allison’s eyes are ridiculous.


Marlo does Betty Grable. I encouraged her to think lovingly about her new dishwasher to get into character.


I love my porch

Then Rian proceeded to mack on Blue for about an hour.


And then they were off to eat a whole salmon or something like that.

So that’s how pole dancers party, at least at my house. I’m sure it wasn’t what the guy upstairs was hoping for. I think he was expecting me to say that they just get naked and have sex with each other but alas, therein lies the myth of pole dancing.

It’s really not what you think.

5 thoughts on “Birthday Party, Pole Dance Style

  1. Your mad cooking skills are only one of many reasons why we like you, you know, writing recaps of every party is another!

    • I almost had a meltdown when 1) my phone ran low on batteries and then 2) I couldn’t find it. I’m glad you were there to take pictures. Now I need Lemony to send me the video of Ariel and Joe getting executed for not performing as well as me and Ken in our partner showdown.

  2. Pingback: Greetings From La La Land | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

  3. Pingback: I Couldn’t Look Dumber If I Tried | Vivienne's Process of Elimination

Leave a Reply to Nina Cancel reply